My mother pulled me out of public schools not because of any real principle along religious or moral lines. I could read at third grade level entering kindergarten due to a bout of polio and the public school wanted to place in that grade. Mom said no and called her childhood pal Father Kazmareck and asked to enroll me at St. Teresa’s which across the street from our house. So my life was set for several years, During the school week I did everything my classmates did catechism, mass daily stations of the cross during lent and all the prayers including a daily rosary after lunch. Saturdays I attended the religious instruction at our Lutheran church.

Most of my tenure at ST. T’s was highlighted by Father Kaz. He laughed, giggled and slapped my mother’s butt to get her attention when she was pulling weeds. Why did he do it? To make sure she and only she would pack his lunch for the school picnic. He was a Hawaiian shirted. Khaki pants priest who made life and religion joyful if not very serious. However, all that was to change when his assistant pastor arrived in my sixth grade year.

Father Ritz was an escapee from behind the curtain where practicing your faith could mean death. Perhaps that though we students did not think of it at the time explained the man who was a polar opposite to Kaz. Father Ritz to this day I cannot shorten his title wore cassocks so starched the edges looked like knives, only during mass was the berretta gone from his head. He walked so quietly he was behind you before you knew it. If you were “sinning “ his hand would go to your shoulder and he would march you to the chapel where you and he would sit in silent contemplation of your error. Not one word of displeasure or reprimand just silence until the words “forgive me” issued forth and several Hail Mary’s were assigned. That silence was more forceful than all the laughing, “do not do agains” from Kaz.

Friday confessions were fraught with wonderment. Who was the priest in the booth? As a protestant I sat in the Mary row (yes we had ten Mary’s in my class and we had our own pew) closest to the booth. The Marys expected me to check out the shoes beneath the curtain. Loafers or sandals and they breathed a sigh of relief. If the shoes shone like patent leather and were laced oxfords, they began to reduce the things they would confess.

Ritz was not feared but he was not attainable. Silence surrounded him. Idle conversation was not his style. When he spoke, it mattered. They only time I feared him was the day I asked if Mary had had other children after Jesus. His hand slowly rose with a finger pointing to the door as he quietly said out protestant. Yet to give him his due, he was also the one who hand on my shoulder brought me back into class with a quiet forgive me. An adult who could admit his error, I was stunned.

But the image that still moves me is one again of near silence. Having forgotten my school bag in the chapel I ran across the street after supper to retrieve it. Going down to the chapel, I stopped when I noticed someone praying. Father Ritz knelt in a pew, sunlight streaming on him from the stained glass window. His hands so long lean and strong were moving his wooden rosary beads as tears flowed down his cheeks. I stood for a moment in a silence broken only by the clacking beads and then tiptoed up the stairs. My schoolbag could wait: I was sure I had seen a saint.

Thankful today for the graded papers. i am glad to be done.I am also glad that they were good in both classes. thankful also that i did not slip on ice formed form the water i yard due to fact that i forgot to turn off the sprinkler system. it has been a good day.

Thankful entry tonight is short. I am thankful papers are turned in, and next week the college break begins.Thankful also the hs semester is winding down=== projects and review left. New material comes when we return. Really thankful this is the weekend and that I have a knitting class tomorrow to relax me or frustrate me in a different manner. That's all folks; no wise words tonight.

THE JOURNEY

The end of the year is drawing near and I have been reflecting on my journey or my growth through out this life i live. Born in Ohio, I was raised mainly in Nebraska with sojourns in Missouri and various other sites. My parents took everywhere with them and many of the trips i can not recall. Too young but one was to Mexico city d.f. and for the first time I was brought face to face with something that was not the American lifestyle or expectations. Changed me forever as I still enjoy other cultures and am willing to taste their food, walk their streets, and try their pace of life. what have I gained form this? A realization that there is not just one way of life and a tolerance for the differences among the world's peoples and an a greater appreciation of how we do not differ in the most basic needs.

An only child born to older(DAD was 30 ;Mom 19) the skills of being part of social interaction could have been hard to learn. But the 30+ cousins on mom's side ranging in age form 15 years older to 6 years younger taught me those lessons which I promptly passed on to the two younger ( both only girls also) on y dad's side of the family tree. It was also firmly implanted in me that i was no better than anyone else by the nun's at Saint T's in Lincoln, Ne. and classmates in three states. Some of those lessons were difficult but now I admit necessary.

One big life lesson was watching my marriage fail after twenty -five years. I found out that one person can not make a marriage work and though I have not remarried by choice i do not regret the marriage and my three daughters from the union. I regret the loss of what a thought was a life love; yet. admittedly my life is rich and full and more traveled than it would have been otherwise.

My faith journey has been interesting. Mom an ex catholic sent to ST T's because I read at third grade level in kindergarten( had polio and learned to entertain myself) and no way would she let the public school bump up several notches. So religion lessons, daily mass, rosaries before lunch and stations of the became part of my school life. Heck I even stayed at the convent when Mom when back east as her father was ill. To have balance I went to Lutheran school on Saturday for religion on Dad's side. Now I am Catholic you know how the twig is bent but having trouble since the last election with being told how to vote. Mass Has not seen me for a month now but am feeling the need to get back.

More journey at a later date. time to head for my classes that I teach at HCC ( a junior college) and French is over at the high school In Buhler.

So what am I thankful for today. for quiet home. for a party i got booked for dana
for the supper i ate--pork chops with rosemary and Guiness used in the cooking and mixed vegetables, for the laughs with students, for kindnesses in life. It has been a thankful day.

Right now all three dogs are by my feet. Well Winston is 1/2 on my lap for a love but in a second he will stretch out with a sigh. Omg ! the chihuahuas are on the sheet on the floor and Winston has the bed. wonders never cease.Of course Winston has to chew on it.

111 year old in Australia says knittng is the reason she has lived so long. Knew there was a reason I keep learning new stitches and methods. Lessons for gloves this weekend.

More later.

day 2 thankful journal

Thankful that I got the deck winterized;cushions off and stored. I am also thankful i got some of the extra catalogs etc and boxes organized to toss. I also got some reading done. Small things but they add up and make my quiet day worth while.

Big thankful for the hour with Amber At Hastings talking about classes and future plans. Some " gritching " about things that bug us. Tension relief and laughs and coffee. Hope everybody can do that every so often. It feels so good.

Yep this journal thing makes me see that I am blessed.

thankful journal

So here I am again.No excuse except life got to me. Still I have made myself a promise--each day even if it is one thing and only one line I WILL WRITE WHAT MADE ME GRATEFUL THAT DAY.

Today that thing is more than one.First this semester of night classes is drawing to a close and I am thankful for open roads and safe trips---especially on the nights I left my cell phone elsewhere. 2 more weeks and i hope the roads stay un-icy but light wet snow would be a blessing in this tired area.

Second i am thankful for pals to whom I can speak my mind and still be accepted. this is not always possible but intelligent discussion of views even when radically different is interesting and invigorating. may have lost a few 'FRIENDS" THIS LAST ELECTION CYCLE BUT ARE THEY TRULY FRIENDS WHEN THEY INSIST YOU FOLLOW THEM.
MY PETS ARE NUMBER THREE BUT IN MY HEART THEY ARE HIGHER THAN THAT. THEY MAKE ME LAUGH, GREET ME WHEN I COME HOME. SHARE MY HAPPY AND SAD MOMENTS.sorry about the caps but maybe i should emphasize that I am a crazy dog lady to some but petting them lowers my blood pressure and fills my soul with content.

Now I have made a beginning. thanks for reading.

Two daring women | National Catholic Reporter

Two daring women | National Catholic Reporter

Sunday one of my favorite days---2 large crosswords, sleeping dogs quiet times and great pbs in the evening. Fog accompanied my drive to mass today and it was so English in nature. Scenery was visible only in an eerie slightly distorted vista. A great setting for a mystery and not an idea came to mind. Such is life.

Fall has been warm with few of the apple crisp cool days I love. Today in fact my house was above 80 inside. So turned the AC on to take it to 75. That 5 degrees is all it took for life to be more comfortable. Degrees of comfort define life. We are comfortable in our own skins until something or someone lowers our confidence a degree or so by an offhand or intended remark. Other times we find ourselves uncomfortable because a remark has caused our calmness to decrease and rise to the anger level. In these last years of my life I am learning to respond to the latter with calm reason and forgiveness and to ignore the former. Not allowing someone or something to mess with my self image is not an easy lesson but one well worth cultivating.to be frank I could not do it without the gift of faith in my life. Christ treated thieves and Pharisees with kindness and forgiveness and I try to use this as my model. Ain't easy but what in life worth having is easy.

Learning is an on going fact of life for me. Becky and Andy gave me a french press pot for my birthday, and now that i have learned how to do it. I love the freshness of the brew and the fun of brewing as i need it at the table. Still will not trade my keruig but this is handy when the cups run out or when I want to savor coffee as i eat without moving from the table. Oh yes I am spoiled with this new lesson.

Just nearly finished the wing span scarf and thought I knew how to finish the one end so did not consult the pattern. Mistake but have decided to fudge if i can or leave it as a lesson to myself to not think I am so darn smart. It is still quite nice and the yarn I chose was perfect. will try to post a picture here on facebook when it is completely bound off. next to finish the cable vest.I found a hat pattern i want to try the is moreof a roaring 20"s cloche than the usual knitcap or slouch cap. Challenges keep my brain in gear.

Next Saturday I venture out on my first yarn hop. More on it later but it consistsof 12 shops all over kansas in two days.

So today was both good and somewhat of a downer. Good was the cookie baking that got done in my classes. I am estimating 8-10 dozen. We need 120 so every resident at Sunshine Meadows can have a Halloween cookie. Boys struggling with a recipe was funny. 1 tablespoon of baking soda instead of 1 teaspoon makes for a fluffy bar cookie. thankfully I brought cookies for them to eat so we could maintain the count of the designated cookies.
Beth O Brien"s class is going to make some to add to our total. Part of our total are ghosts made with Keebler elf cookies dipped in white almond bark and mini Hershey chip eyes. Tomorrow we are going make and sack pumpkin poop---Chex mix with candy corn etc. I even found cheap Halloween treat backs at Walgreens this pm. So our contribution to the BHS 2012 citizenship day is well underway though I need togo get the poop ingredients. So A Wally world run is on the horizon. Do I go around 9 pm or tomorrow
at 6AM. Not going now too crowded by half. My life is full of such momentous decisions--lol.
The bad is a sense of isolation creeping up in my soul. I hear not often enough but I do hear from my family. Living nearer would be nice but i have work here and a community with things to do... At the moment I do not want to move though it will be coming in the next ten years or so.
Two of my best pals live far away. Minnesota and South Dakota--- are not exactly coffee dropping in addresses, and these are two ladies I could do this to without notice. Now I know it is a momentary discontent and that it comes in the fall as holidays approach.
Thankfully it will pass.Tuesday and any other day I can fit it in a visit to yarn lifts my spirits. Quiet reflections on all the blessing He has given and still gives me helps. My soul will survive and without a scar. The downs just hit me for a day or so.
I wonder does anyone feel this way? As an only child I think I am more prone to it. No siblings be they blessings or pests creates a real void when both parents are gone. That unconditional acceptance that bolster so much of life is gone. but children ( and I have three great ones) help fill the emptiness.
So bear with the bad part and dwell on the good part. Life is a constant puzzle of wants, lacks and blessings. Once that is accepted it becomes easier to live through to the other side of the downs. That of course is the ups. I going to Wally world and the people there always give me a shock treatment and a laugh. Hey wait I am about to be one of them.

15 til 5 P.M. and I have just emerged from the shower and once again I am in fleece lounge pants and nightgown. yes once again. I declared this as a stay home do.nothing weekend. So have been in pajamas all weekend. Lazy maybe but such a weekend gives me time to read , to write to do anything I want to do. No agenda;no musts. eat when I am hungry-- do chores with no hurry. Washed clothes, dried them and hung them up and folded them as they came out which is not done with mid week laundry all too often.

Autumn is my favorite season as it tells us to relax and to muse. Spring re-awakes us, summer is run to this or to that for some reason. Winter is a close second to autumn but often it's most relaxed me days are due to fol weather so it is less of a choice. Also it has that frantic holiday season in its midst that spurs us to shop, create, give and host feasts. Nope autumn is my season. Weather allows travel if I wish to travel but with less on the must due schedule It is a season when I can just hang out at home and do only what the spirit moves me to do. I can rebuild my spirit this season.

Autumn is also the season of fragrance. The air is crisp,clear and at least where I live clean. It is a season filled with the spice of apple pies, pear claflouti, cider,
bean soup, roasted vegetables, pumpkin breads and pies. Not good for my weight loss but I am learning I do not have the entire thing at once. tonight roasted vegetables with evoo and herbs. Sharing helps. This week apple dump cake for teachers and claflouti for French club are on the docket. The claflouti is a sure thing; the other just a strong possibility.

Autumn is also a time for musing. With my "cuppa" ( coffee, tea)in hand I can lose myself just thinking. No navel contemplation but thoughts about beliefs( even at my age I have questions), prayer for family ad friends, future plans etc. To be honest I find pajamas help this contemplation mood. With them I need no mantras or oms as I am already in a comfort zone.

Tomorrow is a return to reality. Teaching in the am and groceries in the pm. Autumn will sustain me until next weekend which is another pajama weekend with ay luck. Just checked my schedule and no must do's are there--yet.

Better day today. decisions made about the trip to Indiana. Becky understands why it is hard and expensive to go. Later when we do have to hurry and the pain is less we can travel to her.

Went to Yarn for a bit in the pm not the night class though as we were still discussing what to do. A visit there is always calming and especially when Shannon said I had not misdone a cable. Can now soldier on on the vest.. However Winston got in the one skein for my fair isle yoke. It may be simpler to get a new skein but am not planning on working on it for awhile. So tempted by the man's sweater class in Octber am I. ( Notice I can talk like yoda) However I want to finish on the needle projects before I tackle that. Therefore I will pass.

Day brightener ( is this a word?) my French one classes all passed the quiz with a c+ or above and the majority were "A's or B"s". Nothing makes me happier than to know they understand what we have been studying.

Am doing a reflection at night from IN TOUCH, it centers on Neiamiah.(?)Never have read that book before and it is interesting to dip my toe into something new. enlightening also about being sent to do something you feel unable to fulfill only to find that you can with His help. after all it is His plan.

time to motivate myself to prepare for tonight's comp 1 class. More tomorrow. May His grace make my wishes for you come to fulfillment.

So not a great day. My son in law lost his father to pancreatic cancer. His father had told no one and so it was a shock to find out about it.Yet Larry spent his last days not being seen as a dying ma, and may be that was his wish. Still his son and parents were deprived of knowledge that might let them cope with the loss a bit more easily. Spent today wondering of Sara and I were going to go out there,but does not look like it. I have 2 college classes, Bhs classes and 3 dogs to arrange for but Becky said they are fine and to save the dollars. So another visit later after some the pain has passed is in order.

Then at Yarn found out a friend's mother has a lump in her breast and this is October--cancer awareness month. Rather hear about cures, but God has other plans and I can accept it with the help of prayer.

Okay. tonight I may step on some toes but the heavy fundamentalism and uber conservative Christianity that is emerging and blurring the line of separation of church and state upsets me. Anyone who reads this blog knows that faith is part of my inner core but i do not say a person must agree with my faith to have value. So many now use "faith" as a guideline for decisions but is it faith, fear or ignorance that is guiding them.

Condemning one who holds another faith is what gave birth to the holocaust and yes dang I do believe there was one. Muslims are not all bad, neither are Jews and anyone with a mind know s that not all Christians are good. People are people and if they are to be judged ( which by the way is God's job in any of the three great World faiths) they should be judged as people not as archetypes of their particular faith. Do not condemn a faith until you study it. The Koran contains the same stories as the old testament and preaches moderation in all things. Read some of it, people. You Need not believe but do not believe without thinking all the negative things said about it.

With some conservatives talking about no choice as to birth control ( i don't believe abortion is a proper after the fact birth control) and legitimate rape prevents conception. Even more idiotic are laws stating that life begins two weeks before conception.( yes at least two states have this on the books), I see a a revisionist attempt to put women back 50 or more years. One Ks. state senator a female by the way has stated if men took care of women , women would not need to vote and the 19th amendment which has wrecked families would not be needed. Whoa! lady i beg to disagree.

Priests and preachers are telling us how to vote. Some christian radio speakers. condemns those who do not strictly follow their policies. states are trying to give private ( church ) school vouchers for education and the money comes form public school funding. HMMMM. does any one see a theocracy in our future.? IF MY PREACHER INSERTS VOTING ADVICE INTO HIS HOMILY THEN MY CHURCH NEEDS TO SURRENDER ITS TAX EXEMPT STATUS ON ALL ITS PROPERTIES EVEN THOSE THAT ARE NOT STRICTLY CHURCH BUILDINGS.

OK1 it is off my chest and my mind you do not have to agree or even read this but I feel a whole lot better,

Totally amazed at how calm my world is right now. Not at all sure why it is but going to enjoy it while it lasts and hope heavily that mentioning this calm does not jinx it away.

My class schedule helps with this. Five days a week I am at the high school teaching French which I love. I also teach for the local junco and this semester it is two nights a week. The break between is around five hours and I have to let down my high
school mindset and readjust for the college level.

The dogs give me exercise--- have to walk them. They give me laughter and they give me love. At times the love is a bit much as Winston my 60 lb 8month English bulldog wants to be in my lap with a paw on each shoulder and his head cuddled next to my neck. It is a habit that I am breaking. He is just too much of a load.

Am about to embark on an adventure at the end of October-- the gals in the sweater class all wanted to go the Yarn hop ( 12 shops in Kansas) but none of us wanted to go alone. Talking about this brought out our mutual desire and next we checked dates and made plans, Now we are going together and are going Saturday and returning on Sunday. Such random events can create friendships.

Time to put the dogs up and think about going to McPherson and my comp 1 class. tomorrow night it is Newton and comp 2. Friday is a day off at the high school. Might
think about hitting the new Kohls.

knitting lessons

Waiting for the repair man, it is Monday and I am not in school and he is not here. emailed him last night and talked to him at 8,>M. this morning. Wondering now if I will get to parent teacher conferences. I am not really patient o this type of thing. I want it done now.Guess I will have to offer the wait up as a lesson in living with things you cannot control. We all need schooling in this are at times.

Knitting teaches me this lesson every time I pick up my needles. It takes time to produce a garment and it takes patience to do it right. Of course like all knitters i usually have several projects going so I can switch from one to another. Believe me boredom does not produce patience. At the moment I am doing a wingspan scarf and two sweaters. There are two things on needles that I have laid aside more less permanently, but I console myself that I can do them when I fully retire.

Knitting has taught me fellowship. At Yarn everyone is welcome so teachers, teens,men, spinners, and old babes like me sit around a table needles clicking and tongues talking. Ideas good and bad are explored about life and of course projects. each one teaches one also. few leave that place not feeling renewed and cared for.Andrea the Knitting savant and Shannon the owner have the knack of blending groups and making individuals feel good at the same time.

Knitting has taught me pride in my work. Binding off a project signals its end and my feeling of accomplishment. Even with my individual variations( others may call the errors) I have achieved a goal and there is innate pride in that.

My grandmother James taught me to knit> Little did she know the gift she gave me. Each stitch I knit is a bitof gratitude to her and brings her nearer in my memory.

the me in me

Been pondering what makes me me for a story circle prompt due by the end of the month. When I look in the mirror I see the physical me---- a bit wrinkled and a bit skinnier than last year. Happy about the latter and to tell the truth the first does not bother me as I have earned every one of them. But that is not all of me?

Genetically i am 73% British Isles, 13% northern European and 13% southern European. How can I state that? Sent my DNA in for the ancestry, com test. The results put paid the native american myth in our family unless is in the missing!%. Guess it could be as the Kistlers and Baileys moved west with the early settles pre-revolution. James, Shubert and Burns all came later.When I lived in South Dakota i was teased about my Lakota Momma shape. As my genetic pool is Welsh, German,Scottish and English I guess if it is a 1% native american from way back when it would be eastern woodland not Lakota.

Professionally I am an educator but I have been more than that. I have reported for three newspapers and did photos for them too. I have worked at the Powderhorn pizza , a hospital, and sold Avon. I was also a farm wife for twenty-five years and that is work. All honest ways to turn a buck and each satisfying in its own way. To tell the truth I have never had a job I did not like. Those coal miner genes kicking in.

I am a mother and proud of it. My three daughters fill me with pride and they are the best things I have ever done. Their families add to my stash of things to smile about. Raising them was not easy but they are strong women who continue to bless my life.

I am a lover of spring and fall. books,children dogs, and knitting. Not sure if there is an order of preference as i love them all. Time for all seems to be there.


Somewhere along the road to me, i became color blind and a person who strongly believes that money is nice but mankind's welfare is ultimately more important. If that makes me a liberal , my friends will have to live with it If someone treats me with respect I return respect no matter their color, religion or sexual orientation.We are all god's creations and trite as it sounds he does not make junk. Oh how i would like to jab Romney here. guess i am really liberal.

Enough of me. Like Popeye I am what I am.

back again

Wow,time has passed and here i am wondering where it went. Winston, school, and college classes seem to steal away my days and some of my nights also. Not a bad thing to be busy at my age but my writing is not getting done. So I am determined to make time for it and to set up a personal website. Bear with me as i attempt to get these things done.

Knitting is keeping me semi sane as it is how I relax. those needles click and worries go away. PRAYER IS STILL A DAILY NO HOURLY THING BUT KNITTING IS THERE TOO!
Oct 1 the shop is doing a sky scarf----2 rows a day the color of the sky at a time that is fairly consistent for a year. I am doing the 5:30 to 6:am sky so mine will be on the dark side/. I am also working on two cabled projects for myself.It is a verity that a true knitter has projects in progress and yarn on hand for planned ones.

My story circle prompt for this on this yourself and I am pondering this. what made me, me? Genes, nurture, choices I made, life experiences, choices made by others --- all of these are part of me. wait for the developments.

Have been in a slump lately---could be the summer classes. The English 100 is such a mixed group. achievers are there in abundance, but dropped out in the third week. Three high school class members come to class and do nothing. One has turned in one paper and incomplete research paper; the others nil for out of class papers. Oh wait one did turn in three late papers which in the no grade zone the day the research papers are due. One has no text and can not do online as she has no net and will not come to attendance center or the library to type a paragraph. In class assignments are rushed, poorly done and incomplete. They say the class will allow them to graduate early. Surely they have to pass it.

Spanish 1 is a delight. Eight women one of whom is 82 and semi deaf laugh and learn.No failure except for number 9 who dropped out. Tuesday and Thursday are great

The thing that gets me is the waste of money. Those who dropped did not withdraw so it is an automatic "f" . Also they stopped coming after the money back date. Several hundred dumped for nothing. Amazes me is a mild description though it happens every semester.

The heat is also getting to me.I am a definite cold weather person. 30-70 degrees is my comfort zone. South Dakota fit me better that way, but Kansas has been good to me.

Enough of the downers, life is good. I have much to be thankful for and I am always aware of that. He is good and He is the one who leads me. I may make decisions but i Know they are part of His plan for me.

the fourth

Story circle had celebrations as the July prompt. I have already replied to that but am having thoughts about the fourth of July. So here goes. First it begins here on the 3oth of June which is the first legal sale day of fireworks. Rather it begins that night as neighbors begin firing them as soon as it is dark enough usually around 9pm and continue it for an hour or so. It ends the fifth( if they have not oversupplied themselves.). EACH NIGHT IT GOES LONGER AND THE LAST NIGHT OFTEN RUNS UNTIL 12 OR LATER.

This year it is dry, dry, dry and that is due to the triple digit weather we are having. Fire hazards abound and just last night a house in Wichita burned due to fireworks misuse. People need to be careful but many won't be as it is their American right to do what they want in the way that they want. Others however are like one young man I know who is doing it right. Lawn is cut short,watered down and dirt is handy to toss on stray sparks. He is planning a huge display from looks of the loot on his Facebook page, but he is doing it in the right way.

Fire is not the only thing that can bother neighbors. My yard becomes a collection point for spent fireworks and debris carried by wind from other yards--especially from those yards where it is not picked up and taken care of properly.Now I do sound rather witchy but dang it is annoying.

Noise is another factor. Past eleven is enough already. Booms and yelling several nights in a row gets old.It also can disturb small children and pets. Last night Winston was out for his before bed walk in the backyard. The whistles and small frizzling sounds made him sit and listen. His head turned almost every second as he tried to locate the origin of each sound. I stood by him giggling at his reactions. BOOM!! A huge thunder bombshell went off and so did Winston right for the door. 30+ lbs of running bulldog pup nearly pulled me off my feet as he drug me behind him to the door. Inside he went to sit under my computer chair but then ran to his kennel and went inside without a treat. Funny , yes it was, but he was scared. The chis were in the house so they just shook.

Now this is somewhat of a rant and it did to start out to be so negative. I love fireworks in the sky, my heart swells as they bring lines form our anthem to my inner vision but they need to be done safely, with consideration of others and in a size appropriate for their location.

Sunday and I realize I have not yet written for quite awhile. Promise to self write even if it is mundane and not reflecting on anything in particular. Winston is playing with his toys--first one and then another. They all end up in the bed he has claimed as his. The chis are doing nothing as only older dogs can do--ignoring the adhd pup that lives here. A pork roast is in the crock pot, papers await my red pen and I am enjoying this ramble.

Story circle's July prompt is about celebrations and reactions to them.For me holidays are okay but is the private moments of celebrations that affect me in the deepest way.The birth of my girls gave me a joy that is relived on the birthdays that followed. Each of those days the wonder of that little person in my arms for the first time as I counted toes and fingers claims me and I rejoice in the gift of their lives and their accomplishments since that day. Celebration of our joined histories never ceases.

Small celebrations happen when something good happens unexpectedly. Yesterday a friend( a chosen sister) called and a bit of joy entered my life. Someone praises my work , a student says that I have done something that made them feel good are all reasons for small fire bursts of feel good hormones.

Quiet moments spent reading or knitting can release the "feel good" waves also.Perhaps that is why early moments with coffee start my day off well.But I suspect it has more to do with my acceptance of life as a journey which not always smooth is well worth the trip. It also comes from knowing He has my back and will care for me if I accept his will. I find that last easier each year even in bad or uncertain moments.

Big event and big holidays are good things. Who would not enjoy those(but I admit even these are better for me if not in a huge bunch of people)? However for me the true joyful bursts are quiet, small, and personal.

The breeze is cool but heat will develop as it is June in Kansas. The pups are snoring. I am some what planing my attack on a list to do that is bigger than I like it to be. Summer's lazy pace allows me to get behind. I am one of those that likes a routine and summer lacks it. So beginning today I hope to semi-impose one. Have to work in some exercise and other things.

Today I have to check on some things, get meds, grade papers,write letters etc.I hope to get it all done. On top of that i am going to start checking blood sugars three times a day before meals.My goal to keep it between 70 and 140 before meals.Also this should help me keep losing weight.However I am also determined to not beat myself up if the goals are not met when I test or weigh. Human that I am lapses will happen.

Sometimes I see students set unrealistic goals. To be a pro- athlete when they were a second stringer in school or even a non-participant for example , not realistic in the least. Others plan great careers but lack the follow through or work ethic to make it though the brains are there. Goals are a great incentive but they need to be realistic and possible. Failure hurts but it devastating when they were beyond reach to begin with. Parents and teachers need to guide students to realistic goals and teach them how to set them later in life.

My goals are to lose 10 pounds then set another goal; not i want to lose 50 in five weeks.I want to keep on grading not I want it all done NOW! I will do some exercise. tai chi is my choice. I do not plan to be Chuck Norris or Christie Brinkely every day but I intend to increase my amount of movement. Think those are possible?

Wish me luck readers and now it is time to get on with today's chores.

Today was wig washing day literally. I gave up on my baby fine , dishwater brown thin hair a bit over a year ago and now I wear a wig or should I say wigs. I can go from medium to short shag cut in minutes. I do not have to mess with mousse, gel etc. but every so often I have to wash the wigs and this is not a bad task but it is necessary. So today was the day.
It was a figuratively wig washing day also. I chose not to do anything of import( except I paid my car payment) and to let the day just flow. Teaching four nights a week at HCC fills my week and somehow rushing around doing errands did not turn my crank. It has been relaxing. I am actually looking forward to going to a knitting party tonight---needles,snacks, wine and conversation. One small problem I have to find the house and it is out near Pretty Prairie so I hope map quest gave me the right directions.
Yesterday was a good day. Once again cleared on the breast bump. this is second time I have gone through the mammogram, sonogram, surgeon thing. in O8 he did a biopsy but it too was negative. Yesterday he said it was not needed and to see him in six months but he is confident there will be no change. Always antsy about these things but better safe than sorry. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone along but I also find going alone okay---especially when the results are positive( or rather negative depending on your viewpoint.
Right now the toughest thing I need to do is decide what type of snacky foods I want to take. So I am off to the shower and the market. Life is good.

Humans always think they have more time. I will travel, I will write, I will spend more time after. After what? We know we have an expiration date but we avoid thinking about it. The act of ignoring it deprives us of many goals and relationships. How many times have you heard the words , I wish had said I love you more or I had gone to ?.

In 1986 my desire to see England and Paris overcame my reluctance . So off I went with two of my three girls and six students. I may have regretted that my now ex- husband would not leave the states, but I have never regretted the decision. Since that date I have led student tours and travelled on my own and each one has enriched me. The trips have opened new understandings of ancient history, of different cultures and the richness of life itself.

Writing has always been part of me but family and work kept me from it. Then one day the dam broke and I have been at it ever since. Some of my work has been in regional publications and other writings have been in the three newspapers that I have worked for in three states. Now I blog semi-regularly about whatever strikes my fire on that day. Fame is not my goal but the use of words to flow smoothly and to avoid clichéd phrasing constantly urges me on.

Relationships are oddities. This past week ,while in London, I spent a day with a pal of forty years. We talked from moment one with no hesitation. True friendship is like that. With others conversations are more guarded; everyone knows those. Age does not determine the strength of these contacts. It is a matter of time and the willingness to stop other things to write the letter, make the call, to just be and be there.

My marriage has been over longer than it was. I do not regret the end, but I regret the sense of family it destroyed. Still it gave me three wonderful daughters and grandchildren. Oops cannot leave out the greats either. He is a good man and he was a good man. Still I am stronger and content within myself since the end. I forgave him and myself and so no longer spend time in bitter memories and whys.

As an only child, my parents knew my love. Yes, like all teens there were angry times but I knew their love and I truly feel they knew mine. I was in the room when each one passed and the word rend became acutely real. But I am content that they knew before they left me that I would miss them and I find I still do at times.
So what am I saying? I live in the present, reflect only on past joys, and do not long for what might be. I let go and let God trite as that sounds. It works for me.

School is over for the year. High school to be exact, I am teaching summer class for hcc. Next year will be different as Wes, Marilyn and Holly are gone.( names are alphabetical by surname). Familiar faces gone, changes in places, and life will go on.If othing else has been learned, it is that change is part of life. Change is not easy but it is often a needed thing if the need is not seen as at the time.

So here am thinking of changes from daughter to adult to wife and mother to single person hood once again.Each one changed me,molded me, and the result is my present day me. This me sees some changes in the future ,only some of them are expected. I will adapt as I have in the past.

There are constants in my life. Love of people is one. People enrich my life even when they frustrate me. The people in my life are precious and I hope they know I support them even when their choices scare me. Motherhood taught extreme love but it also nothing grows to full maturity if smothered. My students are part of my life and some became and still are dear to me. My love of reading is a constant also. Ever since I first saw the written word and learned to read the world of books has been part of my life. Turning pages has flown me to ancient worlds,far futures, distant places and into the minds of other people. Great adventures can be had in an armchair.

Travel is also a constant and I have been blessed to be free to do so. Monday I am off to Europe and hoping I can keep up with my young co travelers. but I will enjoy it no matter what.
OOps have to run; things to do

Clean windows have made a difference in the light level of the house. It reminds me of why I bought the house in the first place--- the number and size of windows. My spirit and my body crave light and so I am not content when hard water accumulation dulls the light. No, it was not cheap but the job was well done. I have already told him to come back in August,but this time he will only have to deal with months not several years of deposit.

My other windows need a touch up too----those in my soul. Cobwebs need to be swept away and stains removed. A spring cleaning of my hope,disappointments goals and such is due. Many of them need to be discarded. Keeping them will result in bitterness and that is not a needful thing to keep clouding my soul's windows view of my world. So I forgive those who I am harboring bad thoughts about. No need to name them and no need to tell them. Just doing it will benefit me.Hopes and goals need to re-examined also. Which can I actually reach and which need to be revised to a more realistic level? Now that college classes are gone for a month I do the adjustment and then life will be brighter until time to renew my spirit once again --- the cycle of life.

Mother's day is here and all the girls have texted me love. The modern age. I can recall trying to get the perfect card for my Mom and grandmothers.My girls used to call me and now they text me and I do the same to them. We are"down with" with the new tech world. Love is shown in many ways and texting works for me . But cards are nice too.lol

Soft rains and cool breezes- a nice way to begin a weekend. walked dogs at 3 am in a soft drizzle which in England is called a mizzle. They are fed and back in kennels. Soft snores are beginning. Winston has touched all his toys, been growled at by the chihuahuas who have been hugged.Now it is coffee, breakfast and time for me. It makes for a busy morning but it is a great way to wake up.

Summer is coming. College classes are done until June 4th, and high school is done for kids the 24th. Free time to read. to wrote and to knit. Think the knitting will be for Christmas in part and some for me. Reading is definitely for me and the writing is fast becoming a necessary element of my life. Am I ready for this routine full time? Not sure that I AM AS PLANS FOR FRENCH CLASSES NEXT YEAR are sneaking in every now and then. I have worked most of my life and not working scares more than the missing paycheck. ON the other hand I see the end is closer than it was a year or two ago. I am okay with that.

Source: everydayminimalist.com via Cecelia on Pinterest

just saying I better read this soon. may make the coming trip easier. more later.

mother's day

Mom's day is next week and i have a mission. I always give the daughters a small gift as without them this holiday as no meaning. Last year it was here and gone for some reason and no gift. This year I am at least thinking about what to do. With a week to go it had best be quick. Ok, if they read this it will be no surprise but am thinking quickly knit dishcloths. These rather mundane gifts can also be face cloths, and they wear forever.

The holiday always brings my mother to the front of the memory log. She was such a powerhouse packed into five feet of woman.The seventh child of immigrant parents she knew how to survive. She could can,sew.crochet and manage money like no other. She knew how to hold a job and how to give love. I was the recipient of that love, and it was not of the sugar sweet gooey variety. Love was a short spelling of discipline. She had expectations but no lectures. If I goofed, I knew it but not once did I feel that my mistake lessened her love. Her sense of humor must have been born out of her family's adventures as she grew up.She loved life and lived it well.

Oh, she did things that bothered me. What mother doesn't. If she made up her mind,it was made up. At times we clashed and for some it made loving her hard. Still I can only hope my girls can have gifts of the spirit from me like those she left for me.

Being a mother made me understand her.From the moment they were put in my arms, I became protective of them. Yet because she knew when to let go and let me make my mistakes, I tried to do the same for them. It is not easy to do this,but we have children for the future and if they are to succeed, we cannot tie them to our past.

So on this Sunday I have one of her meals in the crock pot(green beans,potatoes and ham hock) ,and I am drinking strong coffee in her honor. As i begin the dishcloths, memories of her love and laughter will fill my mind.

Dogs are sacked out under the fan in the air cooled house. 92 degrees in May before the 10th is just crazy. Makes one wonder what summer will be like.

I would lay down but like my children in days of yore they know when I am trying to rest.Still they give me companionship and some focused goals. I find that if they need food I often check my cupboards for needs also. They need walked and even if it it just to the end of the fenced yard and back it, it is several times a day with three of them. Exercise is done though the chihuahuas walk together. Doctors say a pet lowers blood pressure and for the most part I agree but during housebreaking, it is sometimes not a lowering of the reading but an elevated one. But good and bad moments, they are my four footed family.

My two footed family is doing well.Sara's fourth graduates on the twentieth and this is a proud thing. Dana is doing work on an executive level in Nebraska for srs and KK is busy in sports and music. Becky is graduating with an AA Saturday and Andy made it home. Paige is in music and Emma is one of the best readers. I am so proud of all of them that at times I do not know how to contain it. So this is a bit of bragging and the times they irritate me are forgotten due to the pride and love I feel.

Friends give my life dimension also. Some are far,some are near, and one is moving soon. Whether they are work friends, knitting friends. ex-students or just people I have met, they enrich my life, and I hope I do the same for them.

These are blessings of my life and it is good to count them every so often.Count yours. Now the four footeds of my house need attention.

Today is May 3 and school is out May 24. 15 actual class days and 2 of those are finals in block sessions. The end is near and for some it is already here. The usual frustrations are all manifesting themselves. Students who have realized they can not pass are checked out mentally, others are getting lazy and one or two want makeup work to replace work they have not done.
All of these are hard for a teacher to deal with. Motivation can not be taught and while sometimes responsibility can be established, it is difficult.
do the assigned work to the best of your ability and any teacher who is a teacher will work with you, but make up work to replace what should have been done is a no go in my classes. Why? because extra credit and "make -up" work that is not real make-up due to absence is unfair to students who do do the work. Athletes,, debaters, ffa judges etc all miss school and most of them have the work caught up. Not doing it just to sit there does not merit the chance. Do not do the work at a job and the job will be gone, and right now school should be your job.
Okay time to climb off the broom but let me say that these habits will follow these students to the workplace and to college. No one there is going let them have breaks or keep giving a paycheck for unfinished tasks. Teaching college has really brought the habits thing to full fruition in my thinking. Students sign for a class and attend one or two classes and disappear or they come when they have nothing better to do and wonder why they are behind. Money lost. it boggles my mind to put it tritely. somewhere somehow these students and thank God it is not a majority have not been taught that you get out of a task what you put into it.

No more soap boxing. It has all been said before probably since Socrates began teaching from his stoa. but it feels good to vent. Next post will be more positive.

The Japanese iris are in bloom as well as Paul Scarlet roses but their colors are misted in the rain. All the flowers are a month or more early due to the warm winter, and while they as always in the spring signal renewal of life and hope, this year they call forth memories of Aunt Mary. It is as if she dressed in cut off jeans and a t-shirt walks in the mist checking and delighting in each bloom.

Aunt Mary loved a garden. Her rangy body walked the rows from the first warm planting day until frost stole her passion from her for a season. I can see her now making furrows with a hand pushed harrow and sowing her seeds carefully by hand. Bending down and standing up to sight down the rows, she was in her element. Not for her fancy seed tapes or whirligig sowers, the labor made the harvest sweeter.

That harvest was shared with neighbors and family. Given fresh when possible it was also canned, dried and frozen for the cold season. It served to remind her of the summer to come and to grace the winter meals with hints of summer’s warmth.

Winters were not plantless as she had house plants. Their greenery and blooms gave”life” to her house during Ohio’s dull grey winter skies. One special plant graced her kitchen, a Christmas cactus . “Not one of those puny Thanksgiving things at Krogers” she would announce. This plant was nearly eighty olds and had been handed down the generations of the Kistler family. It was a family treasure as she herself was.

The passion with growing things touched other areas of her Ohio farm life. Every night she would record the weather statistics of the day as well as few personal thoughts on the condition of her garden and the harvest. That done she would take out her hoop and trace flowers with dainty stitches on quilt squares. She hunted for years for a Sunflower pattern as it was her favored flower. She never found one and she regretted it in her later years when her sight failed.


So while my flowers fill my yard with color they also fill my soul.

yarn

Cool morning and have been out in it twice with the pups. The 3:30 walk is once again new thanks to Winston who still has a tiny puppy bladder but he is doing well when I take him out. Still when it can be over I will be glad that I can sleep to my usual 5:30. Going back to sleep is not always is easy and so I have early A.M.s to enjoy and at times to endure. Weekends are easier as I can sneak a nap if if my vim and vinegar starts to fizzle.

Today is a knitting class. This time it is a top down sweater. Yes, I probably could figure it out on my own but the class makes it quicker and keeps me knitting. Like most knitters I often have several projects on needles. At present I have a shawl, an afghan of dishcloth squares and a fair isle cardigan in various states of completion in addition to the class sweater. Knitting engages my mind,makes me think and as the saying goes use it or lose it. My mind is safe due to needles round and straight.lol. But the class is more than that, it is a time spent with pals who have similar interests with the clatter of chatter and needles.

Yarn the store is a favorite hangout for myself and others.It is a retail store but it is more for those of us who go there.We walk in to a happy hello , a cup of coffee and conversation. The topics can be serious or funny or more important if needed silence is given. It is a place to create with needles and with caring for fellow knitters. It is a refuge from the buffets of life outside its doors though if you need to share that is done also.

These places are where you are known somewhat like the tv bar Cheers. Known and accepted with all your warts and scars showing,these places let you in and let you decide how far to let them in. You can just be and that is a gift not many places in life allow you to do. Nothing is required of you.Everyone needs one or two of these refuges in life. They allow us to regroup and to attain balance in our lives.

Walking Winston in the backyard this afternoon, a flash of read caught my eye.I stood still and for once so did Winston.Yep it was a cardinal and there all once the female was joined by her brilliant mate.Cardinals ,wow! They return every year if they nest here. Tomorrow a feeder is on my to do list. Enticement to stay here.

What memories they recalled. Grandma loved them and in her later years several pairs made their home in the pine trees outside her favorite window. The sight of this pair brought her tome and I could see her sitting by that kitchen window , filing her nails,writing letters, or knitting as she watched those birds. She told me once that their color brightened her day and her mood. So I am hoping this pair stays in my yard as a reminder of the love she so freely gave to the three granddaughters.

Now I wonder what about me will my grandchildren and others will recall about me in the future. My love of books,of travel or dogs will these define me? Or will it be some small thing I said or did that is insignificant to me that makes them remember me? I would like to be remembered and I hope positively.

No one can know what small thing that impacts a life. Dorothy Thompson Knew I was hopeless at Math but her encouragement made it geometry bearable and her do it the best you can motto is still with me. I teach and will often ease up for a student giving his all in my class with little progress as she did for me. Father Ritz with his starched cassocks without realizing and in truth I just realized it myself share his gift of faith with me the little protestant in his catechism class and my senior English teacher at Longfellow High let me know it was ok to read as i loved to in the one semester I had her before I graduated in January. Nothing big was done or said but small kindnesses made big impressions. I try to pay it forward.

Therefore those cardianls better remain to bring grandma to me and to help remember that kindness costs nothing.

This is the new baby in the family. He is five weeks here and is now nearly 4 months old. He weighs in at 20+ lbs and gallumphs rather than walks. He is a lover and a charmer but the chihuahuas have yet to accept him as a family member. Potty training will be a slow process but he is worth the work. This is a brief post to introduce Winston to my readers.

after the storm

Storms gone for a minute but it is wise to recall that this tornado alley. From the news many twisters touched down but no lives were lost here in Kansas though there was damage to buildings in some cities and south Wichita. We did not get the hail either but Facebook pictures from Nebraska and South Dakota tell a different story. We were lucky once again, and can relax until another one is forecast. The weather service deserves praise for the early warnings. knowing somehow makes it easier.

At my house there is a mini storm whenever I have Winston and the chihuahuas sharing space. They will adjust but until they do it is a tempest in a teapot. Winston galumphs over to them, and that is the only way I can describe his happy puppy approach to the older dogs who rather he left them alone. Snips and snarls ensue but no actual damage. Boba has much the same reaction to the noisy kids next door, but in both incidents my "NO" stops him. Talk about sibling rivalry.My three daughters were raised with less drama.

What can I learn form this chaos. More patience and I thought I was fairly patient.Well let's qualify that---My patience is ok as along as the person trying it is actually doing what he can in the given situation, but it is in short supply when complaints without effort are the mode of operation. Also a lack of patience exists with college students who pay for a class and then blow it with no attendance. Enough said.

Awoke this morning to stillness not a leaf stirring, a sure sign in Kansas that something about to happen. Now at two PM the trees are blowing in a stiff breeze and the sky is slate colored. Yep a storm is coming. My hope it will not be the tornadoes that they have a watch out for until 6pm.

The weather bureau has been touting the storm front for over 24 hours. People have time to be prepared even if it does not develop. My car is under a roof; I have a flashlight and food. I also have knitting and books and am prepared. Basement is there but I will head to the hall way or the bathroom if need be.Truthfully, I may do nothing as I believe that if it is his will it will be so I trust in him after making a few preparations.

Would it not be nice if the stormy periods in life could be forewarned and prepared for in advance. There are probably warnings signs but they are too subtle or we just ignore them until the tempest is on us turning everything into chaos. Yet I wonder even with strong warnings would we be prepared or would we just worry ourselves into a trembling mass of "what if" fears.

Anymore I take the let go and let God route.having done what I can in any situation. this lesson was learned driving back to Lemmon,Sd after visiting my mom who was failing.She had called me By her sister's or my daughter's name all weekend and I had found her medicines hidden in couch cushions. In the midst of a divorce I could not give up my teaching so I faced a ten hour drive home, did most of it with tears blurring my vision. As an only child the loss of my remaining parent was deadening my will to do anything. Suddenly I found myself in the center of a blowing snowstorm and deer in every ditch facing the road. It was too much. I broke and said "Ok god you got me here, I can do nothing about Mom , the weather or the stupid deer. It is in your hands now." I made it home safely and with a lifted outlook. Since that moment I have lived almost exclusively with the attitude that when I can no longer make progress or decide on an action I put it in his hands. Life is probably not any easier but facing it is. He will carry me and his plans for me are good.

So storms come on. I do not fear you though I respect your power to destroy.I have an ally in the chaos who is stronger than anything that faces me.

Springtime is always busy in a school system as there always things to finish up, decisions on how far to push the subject matter, control of summer anxious student etc. When one teaches in two differing systems as I do the tension can mount without being really noticeable. However it is there in the system lurking and awaiting release which can be totally fury or funny. Last night two younger friends( and I feel I can call them that despite age differences) and I had a coffee session full of giggles, silliness, and some serious talk. When I was reading in bed, I realized how much more relaxed I was or had been for days.Somehow the inner tightly wound and submerged coil of tension had been released.

Friendship is that often for a group. It is where tension is released. One can vent in safety if need be or one can( and I believe it is healthier) laugh freely about things and with each other. Private jokes and punch lines emerge that once uttered set off a storm of giggles and the tension flows out of its lurking place. balance is restored and the world is easier to face.

But friendship is more than that. It is support for another human. A simple hello and a smile can alter one's entire day. A prayer given when asked for shows support in a time of need. The blessing is that doing these simple things does not require much effort and yet they make huge differences and they do not even require that the friendship be a deep abiding kinship.

All of us need such simple gestures in our lives. They make us feel valued and worthwhile. We also need those deeper friendships that evolve after years of sharing and caring. These are the relationships that endure despite age, race, gender, and distance. They are there in periods of both despair and joy; they are there when we need to be brought up short and when we need to be praised. they are the rocks we can cling to when the waters are rough and the sun that can shine on us in the calmer tides of our life.

Some these thought s may seem like platitudes but they are sincere. I am thankful for those relationships in my life and I am richer because of them. So thank you giggle partners for the laughter last night. I did not know how much I needed it. Hope you felt the release too.

Memories are triggered by small things almost as powerfully as the big events in one’s life. The smell of Old Spice will immediately bring my father in to my room almost as a visible presence just as the smell of orange zest or earl grey tea trigger the memories of my grandmothers. Other triggers are snail mail personal letters (the grandmothers again), and roast beef dinners or runzas (my mother). As I age these small reminders of people in my younger life seem to come more often to set my mind roaming to the small daily sharing’s with these people in the past and also to do once again some of the things I once did with them.

Dad was a big man well over six feet with the broad chest and small waist of an athlete. His temper was just as big as his frame but it was a burst of energy that burned out as soon as it was evident. A traveling salesman he knew everybody and they knew him but he was not a Willy Loman. He loved life and lived it well, and he shared that life with me. Saturdays, we often went to a movie just he and I. I suppose it was this way as Mom did not go often as she always had something to do in the house but those times in the cool dark theater sharing a John Wayne or Randolph Scott movie are precious memories to me.

Mom was small barely five feet but she was the power in our house. She ran it and as he was gone on the road that meant she saw to all the things a man might do as well as the “ womanly duties.” Her cooking and racy sense of humor lit up our lives and as an only child I receive the full impact of both of these talents. She was independent and determined. I find I am more like her than I every thought I would be.

Orange zest and spicy raisin filling make Granma James come to mind. In her Ohio kitchen a blue roaster stood near the dining room door. I cannot recall it being empty nor were her knitting needles ever still until the last years of her life. I can see her now sitting near the window in her kitchen knitting or filing her nails as she watched the cardinals dance in the pines across the drive. Earl grey tea will bring a smile to my face as I picture Grandma Janie (Mom’s mother) asking me to join her and them making me eat a rubbery egg custard. Shorter than her daughter she had a steel will and I recall she hid the toys she considered obnoxious under her bed. She also had determination in spades. After she could not walk and had to go to a rest home due to spinal collapse, she told my mother and I she would walk again. The doctors said no but in less than six months she was walking. To quote her,” It was the power of prayer.” Even more important to me were the weekly letters each wrote to me as I grew up far from their Pennsylvania and Ohio homes.

So perhaps this why I bake raisin filled cookies, drink earl grey, still write snail mail to those I care about, think Sunday requires a roast beef dinner to be Sunday and why I just bought DVDs’ of Hondo and Mcclintock.

blending

Well, my house now holds a blended family. the two chihuahuas who have been together since puppy days now have a 3 month old 25 lb English bull dog sibling..There have been some low growls, one or two loud yips and no bloodshed. So far so good. It will get easier.

For me house breaking will be a challenge, but a crate and affection will do it. I already love the gentle giant i have brought into the home. Always wanted a bull dog and thought ok I love this puppy's picture and at my age it is nice to have some simple ones fulfilled. Winston is happy but thinks he is a lapdog. Pictures are on fb and google+. I need to figure out the process of posting them on my blog.. I did do the picture s on an earlier blog but that was not from my files
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Easter weekend signals renewal and how we all need it.Long winters can build discontent from being housebound. this winter did not keep us at home snowbound and unproductive but the sense of renewal is still present. With every daffodil or tulip, my soul soars as they remind me of HIS promise to renew us and I do not doubt HIS problem.

Chores call me. More later

Driving to school in the am is a good reflection time. Today my thoughts were around people who are unwilling to change or to see somethings happening around them. What brought this on? The letter from son-in- law Andy. He is out of the USA for the first time and commented on the contrasts between have and have not's in the third world. what an eyeopener he is experiencing.

So what thoughts does this inspire? Well I live in Kansas. does that give you a clue?
So many here are quick to condemn the different be it race, religion, culture , or beliefs that differ. Not republican? Oh oh. change the way something has been done for years even though the changing world demands ? Nope it makes things uncomfortable so do not do it until there is no choice and then pout. Now I am older and have a right to be set in my ways but I do hope i remain flexible and ready to accept change when it is necessary.

Many of the teens I teach are confident that life is what it will be the way they think it is ( or should be.) They expect to have every new tech toy, every labor saving device when they set up house, sexy fast cars, and the ideal job that will pay them well even if they do not show up or do what they are assigned. Even now it is not their fault that they do not get scheduled hours after calling in or switching nearly every time they were scheduled. Life will shake them up a bit.

It amazes me but really not much that the post high school schooling is never completed for many reasons. !. they did not go to class, 2. dumb teacher did not take late work, and this is the best 3. I already know more than the teacher so why go. Often it our high school brightest have these problems. In part I think because we do the things that prompt the attitude but hopefully not the last one. Absences and late grades are allowed and I have even done it when I understand why in my high school classes --less so in the college level classes.

Having traveled in Europe and third world areas, I think I am less apt to judge a person on material possessions etc. My judgement comes form how we treat each other and others. It is hope a fairer basis on how to judge.

At the moment I am stressed about the statements I hear that support the high income earners over the average man. I am not a fan of hand out welfare but I am astonished when I hear statements about Pell grants being welfare and only the very brightest need think about college and so. the legislative attempts to set morals by law --- vasectemies not allowed in Georgia if the bill passes, etc is fueling my fire. Make a law about moral choices and breaking it is almost a requirement to feel independent and human. Remember how well prohibiton worked?

Just saying we are no longer citizens of state , we are citizens of a global world and so there will be changes in the workplace, in our lives. We need to be able to decide which ones move the world forward , make work easier,etc, open our minds to concern with and for others and make the right choices.

Wow it has been awhile. Here I sit on a Monday before students arrive enjoying the quiet. Day is planned. All is calm for the next five minutes. Overslept today which is a rare happening at chez devries. I am usually awake before the alarm but had turned it off for some reason so did not wake until doggy complaints penetrated the numbness of sleep.

Have not had consistent lighting in most of the house since last Tuesday' thunderstorm. I really think my fuse box got hit and there is a short some where. changed fuses wed had light until 10 but none in the am. Changed fuse Thursday lasted less than an hour and since then they just pop. Yes. I did call an electrician and he came while I was out without calling me he was on his way. Just came and left his card. going to try him again today. My 2-4 at home M-Th is interesting to find such help but... if they want the business, they will make it work. Fridays I am home from 1:30 on. I did call and explain why I was gone Thursday on Thursday, but have heard nothing. He is recommended by someone I trust so One more try.

Car will not be done until Friday so I am driving a Malibu.I really do not like the car but it is an insurance paid rentsl so I will do it.

Read Cinnamon Roll Murder by Fluke this weekend. It is a cozy series of mysteries but I am beginning to think I read them more the recipes than the story which in reality is better than average. I have begun Wolf Gift by Anne Rice. Interesting so far and one page leads to another so easily that I read 6 chapters last night. HMMMMM? Could that be the reason I slept until 5:45? Fluke by the by will be at Watermark books the 16th of the month and I plan on going.

Not much else at the moment. Oh yes in two weeks it is spring break and how I and the students need that is not to be underestimated. and to paraphrase Pepys so to work.

Peabey the Bear Kit - Polar from KnitPicks.com

Peabey the Bear Kit - Polar from KnitPicks.com

Teenage boys are a challenge. They wiggle and giggle ( yes they do), gab and fidget and they love gaseous explosions of all types.Most of the time I can rope them in and ride herd until they learn some small smattering of the topic. However Impact is different here they are to work to keep grades up and lately it has been a challenge. They are here because they do not care and their attitude is apparent. Now they are not really defiant but it is constant irritation, giggle, talk, bait each and in general can not sit still. they have ever been thus , and in my career they as a group have not changed. It is I believe tied to hormones (lol).

Teen age girls on the other hand have changed. In the past and in many cases today they are the teacher pleasers and still are in many cases. But that is changing since they are equal?? in sports etc. They are becoming equals or out doing boys in foul language and antisocial behavior but for the most part this is not in the classroom. Any ideas why? One recent statistic stated that women now commit more violent crime thanmales and often those crimes are toward spouses and children. Girls have always fought with their mouths and with their memories the fight goes on for years. At a 50 year reunion they will recall the ugly prom dress of a classmate with venom. Now thought they often take a swing at an enemy and a true brutal fight results. Believe even football coaches fear breaking up a female fight.

OK IT MUST BE FRIDAY. I am usually not so negative.Also With two students hospitalized for serious disease or injury and the loss of my aunt, these brooding thoughts are uppermost for the moment. Guess I will turn them into a spiritual exercise and pray for a positive attitude to return.

Have not been here for awhile and being busy is not real excuse. Just have done what I should ;somewhat like my students. Well, guess I am human after all.

Lost the last living relative in the aunt and uncle category Saturday night. Mary was 97 and had led a good life. She was the farmer of the three children in her family and my memories of her are related to her garden and her horse drawn plow. She was one of those strong women who survived and did without the drama. Her life was family, and she and her husband Park cared for her parents. Goodbye Mayme you are loved still.

Her passing signaled the end of the generation. My cousins and I are now the older generation. This means that I have to readjust my thinking about myself. Not actually as I accept my age but now there is no one to look back too. My children are far from children as the youngest turns 40 this July. Where does time go?

So here I am pondering the past and wondering about the future and knowing that only it is today and what I do with that matters. One is gone and the other is not yet here. Is that not how the old saying goes? Tonight I will attend parent teachers conferences no matter how short a time as that matters.


My mind is wandering all over. One ex student is published ( makes 2 out of the fall creative writing class), another is suffering from junior year college boredom, and still another is critical in the hospital after a car accident and two surgeries. Hard to focus on any one of them for a long time. ADHD teacher style has hit. They the students touch our lives if we really care about our jobs and you know they respond in kind. If they feel we really care,then they care. As Martha says that is a good thing.

Allowing people in is a dangerous undertaking and you have to be strong enough to take the hits that happen when you allow yourself to care. You will be hurt but hopefully not scarred.Yet when it works out the feeling of accomplishment is like little else in the world. Opening your spirit and mind can allow you to give to others and to receive when they return the care, It is an unbelievable enrichment to the quality of your life--- wheter it is a student, a colleague or just afirend outside the realm of work. My adivce give caring and openness a try.

stabenow. tai chi and me

Driving to school today going 35 in a 35mph hour zone I was passed by an impatient driver who went two blocks and turned. Such a hurry in a residential area with a rest home also could lead to accidents. Coming home from my night classes going speed limit or 5 over I am often passed by cars going much faster whose turn is the next road or two roads up. The boys in my impact class brag about the speeds they reach on the roads( granted I listen to this with a grain of salt). Why the need for speed?

Not only speed on the road but also students wish they were 18 which seems to be magical self sustaining adulthood. Not so as we who have reached and passed the magical door can attest and besides at 18 they want to be 21. The grass is greener syndrome is rampant in the world.

Recently I began tai chi. This is an exercise in movement that is fluid and not rushed. It looks easy , but when done correctly it can make one aware of muscles that have been dormant. even the warm up exercises cause me to slow down and become aware of my surroundings. At present I am working on parting the wild horse's mane stance which is a relatively easy movement but placing the legs correctly and remembering not to lift my shoulders or tun my head takes concentration. So the leg muscles ache and the mental strain is also there. Finished with ten minutes my entire body is awake and I am relaxed.
This comes not from the speed or number of repeats but from on the desire to do it well as it should be done. The slow fluidity is a blessing.

My desire to try tai ch comes from watching it in Calendar Girls and other venues and more so from reading about it in Dana Stabenow's Liam Campbell books. So I am stretching mind and body in a new way/ the slow fluidity of the forms allows me to meditate as I work out. My mind opens to the surroundings and I am more aware of sounds, smells, etc. It gives me time to "smell the roses". so the rush mentality of fellow drivers and my students puzzle me. Why run so fast you miss out on so much beauty around you. There is no answer for that question but I have chosen to to drive the speed limit and slow down a bit to be more aware of things and people around me. They enrich my life and are worth the time.

Driving to mass today the thought came to me that ido not feel the age my birth certificate reads. I really do not know what age I feel. I am beyond the uncertanities of the teens and the angst of the twenties. the thirties are an era of selfknowledge whenthe maturity settles in and becomes comfortable. Still I love new experiences as I did in my teens, the learning of new things in depth of my twenties and the self knowledge I came tooin my thirties and the sense of comleteness and contentment of the forties and fifities. Truthfully I am all these ages in any day as my taste in music ,books and life experiences demonstrates to any one who knows me. Perhaps it is this multilayered world view that cultures( not necessarily ours)call wisdom. I would not go back to any previous age, but am grateful for the lessons learned during their tenure. Today I am me whoever that is ;viewed differently by each person in my life I am sure but I hope viewed with love and friendship.

Several of my circle of people have been going through tough times. It is not easy when we are being tested and coming through the fire purifies us and our faith. However during the test it is hard to see that the end makes us better and wiser. Saw a sign recently that said the teacher is quiet during a test. That thought encourages me and allows me to be there for them in person and in prayer. Whatever happens it is part of the plan though we may not understand why it is as tough as it is as we edure.

This warm winter has fooled my daylilies and some daffodils to begin to push up green shoots. In fact some trees are budding. Winter may still hit us hard and what will happen to these early bloomers who are pushing forward. I do not want to lose my flowers but how can I stop the false spring they are responding to. I find myself enjoying the warmer winter especially as I drive tonight classes. But when we get an icy blast , will I be ready. Has the warmth of this winter softened our resistance to the storms when they come. Has contentment softened our endurance for the trials to come.

So maybe I am coming into the wisdom stage that will help meweather whatever storms may come/

Ok Monday went well. Spanish 1 at McPherson was great. They ask questions enough that I know what they are struggling with . This class will learn. French so far this am is great. However they are not asking questions and they have 2 tests this week ( French2). I wonder what French 1 will be like. Oh well the surprises of teaching always keep me alert.

Fog this am as I drove to school made the drive a bit spooky. In some lower areas it was dense ,but there were large areas where it had lifted. So driving alertly was a definite plus. One student came in saying it was too dangerous to come to school driving in the fog and had he been killed he would sue the school. Think he might become the future Brownback with that type of logic. However I must remember that this is a student who brags about driving 100mph most of the time so not much common sense going on in that head.

Have two granddaughters in spring musicals. One March 30 at the end of spring break is doable if the weather continues as it is. Snow in any form will kill the drive to that one. the other requires a trip to Indiana and getting flights to and from that fit my schedule and theirs is not easy but I really want to go. living away from the action is not easy when things like this come up but usually I can make it work and it will be easier when I fully retire.

Some things are rumbling around in my brain so there be another blog today when I get my thoughts sorted out.

Gov. Brownback's plan to post teachers’ rankings causes outcry; GOP senator describes plan as 'toxic'

January 26, 2012

Topeka — Gov. Sam Brownback has formally introduced his 138-page school finance overhaul, and it includes a provision that Brownback officials had not discussed before publicly: a proposal to evaluate teachers, partly based on student achievement, and post their rankings on the Internet.

That plan received a rough welcome on Thursday from several Republican and Democratic legislators and the Kansas National Education Association.

State Sen. Jean Kurtis Schodorf, R-Wichita, and chairwoman of the Senate Education Committee, described the evaluation proposal as “pretty toxic.”

She noted the Kansas Department of Education was already working on a new model aimed at providing uniformity across the state in evaluating school personnel. That program is being tried in several school districts.

Brownback’s plan would require school districts to adopt teacher evaluations that would be based 50 percent on student performance on state assessments, 40 percent on input from supervisors, peers, parents and students, and 10 percent on the employees’ contribution to the profession.

Teachers would be graded as either highly effective, effective, progressing or ineffective. And the evaluations would be posted on a website.

Brownback has proposed providing $5,000 bonuses to employees rated as highly effective. For those deemed ineffective, school districts would be encouraged to provide professional development. And districts could terminate anyone scoring ineffective for two straight years. Students could not be taught by teachers ranked as ineffective for two consecutive years.

“Including input from parents and families in the evaluation process will encourage more meaningful engagement between educators and students’ families,” said Jon Hummell, director of operations for Brownback.

“It is also important for parents to have confidence their child is receiving a quality education. Therefore, this legislation would require that each educator’s rating be posted on a website designated by the school district that is accessible to the parents of the students enrolled in the district,” he said.

But placing teacher evaluations on a website will only hinder efforts by teachers to improve and the work of administrators who are trying to make personnel decisions, said Mark Desetti, a lobbyist with the Kansas National Education Agency.

He added that teachers already feel under attack because of pay issues, cuts in school funding, proposed changes to their pensions and increased health insurance costs.

“This is strictly punitive and harmful,” Desetti said of Brownback’s plan.

The evaluation proposal is included in Brownback’s legislation to overhaul the school finance system. Brownback wants to remove state limits on local funding of schools and eliminate the current system of using “weights” that divvies up extra funding for special needs of students.

Schodorf said she would probably divide Brownback’s bill into four measures. She said the best way to get things passed is to keep legislation as simple as possible. Brownback’s education bill, she said, “Probably sets the record for moving parts.”


had to post this and ask everyone is this why people raise their eyebrows when the word kansas comes up and the scary thing is this man will be relected because so many vote ticket not the man. if they had listened as he spoke before this election it would have been obvious where he was going. enough said. promise to stay apolitical form now on.

Yesterday was one of those days: sub screwed up in one class Tuesday, impact boys were over talky, other classes were whiny and then it was a 5-9:30 night for the college. Wrote the boys up( which makes me feel I failed to handle the situation. So grabbed my sock and went to Yarn. It is getting done but it is very loosely knit and I know its mate will be tighter. Oh Well I hope my granddaughter is not too picky. Sometimes in life you have to just let it flow and not get uptight.

Tai chi dvd is here and I am cracking it open tonight after class. Knitting collects my thoughts and i can work things through. Hopefully this will help with my physical tension when things are rocky.

Brownback is attacking tenure. Yes at times poor teachers are kept on but usually because the administration did not do the job well or lacked backbone. I have been on staff where tenure was not really there and have seen good teachers let go due to a personality conflict with administration and /or not showing favoritism to athletes or board members children, In Kansas a beginning teacher can not be tenured until he is given a fourth contract and a transferred older teacher has to put in 2 years for every job. If the administration does it s job and documents the actions no poor teacher will or should I say would be tenured. In the Business world, firings of executives must be documented and can not be arbitrary, why should teaching be different. At least there is a process in place. Think about other areas__poorly qualified doctors can practice for years before being caught and only then if patient or their family makes loud complaints to the state. This is a problem that deserves attention and Joe Public who does not understand it will side with the politicos. Julie you can quote me on this. Kansas is fast becoming a state of rich against poor, privileged against wage earners and people like kobach who stated his id law was based on the constitution and christianity which leaves out Jewish citizens ( and catholics for some conservatives) and opens the door to discrimination due to beliefs. HMMMM> NO wonder people leave here and others refuse to come. But enough ranting.

More later when I calm down. gonna have to knit and to try tai chi tonight for sure.

FRIDAY and yes this week it needs capitals. Good and bad things happened. Good the Deborah Harkness book event at Watermark books.( must go there again), my first night of college classes had few absences and lots of smiles, turning the heel of my class sock( 3 tries maybe that is bad) and a play to look forward to tomorrow night. The bad almost being run over by semi by Playa Azul and being manipulated into in taking on another college class. Fortunately there was no ugly. Some weeks are just like that.

Time to ponder my navel and the meaning of life has been sorely lacking this week. I am one of those that needs down me alone time. I have been known to go in my door on Friday and not come out until Monday. Often I do no more than read, plan classes, grade papers,knit or just plain sit. Not really productive but relaxing and renewing of my spirit. This week however I plan on beginning tai chi.

Everyone needs to renew themselves to face the stresses in their life. Some do it with activities,( reading and knitting), some with physical activity( tai chi?),and some meditate( prayer). So from my () events, I guess I am balanced. Balance is good. The Greeks believed the middle path or that the extremes of too much or too little of anything were wrong. Seems sensible to me.

Spent the day in and out of the car running errands and nothing tires me more. I like to get in do everything then come home, but that did not happen today. Lab at 7:30 as I thought it had to be fasting and it didn't. Home and at 9 went to put some packages to the girls in the delivery process. UPS store I love you as they were and odd size. Hope the girls like them as they are the last part of the family christmas gifts. The ups store is impossible before the holiday. Off to Dr. at 2 pm.

Surprise at the doctor's no weight gain in a year so now I will attack it again. I would like to lose 50 but will be happy with 25-30 to hold and then go down again. Blood pressure was good and a1c could go lower but did not spike even with all the food and drink in Belize, I walked out on happy feet. I need to get some pain pills for leg but Doc said she found nothing bad. Full physical in May,

Challenges keep us young. This weekend has held a challenge. Turning the heel on a sock really was one. Started it and realized it was wrong; frogged it. Looked up a video to see how to do a ssp purl, this helped and I got it done only to lose all the stitches off the needle. So there I am doing it a third time. Done and they do say practice makes perfect. Wanted to start another sock for more practice, but needed needles. None to be had at Wal-Mart so have to wait until tomorrow.

Coffee with Amber was a bright spot in the day.Funny she was talking about how glad she was break was over. She spoke of her need for the routine and how she gets more done when on a schedule than on a no pressure time. Yep she has the teacher gene. Her eyes were lit with anticipation just talking about the return to school and I a kindred spirit feel that way every fall.

Tomorrow the long weekend is over for BHS , classes start at HCC so night classes are on again. Sp1 meets tomorrow and after class we are headed to Watermark books to hear Deborah Harkness of THE DISCOVERY OF WITCHES speak. my editon is a kindle; so she can not sign it but maybe I can get a picture. Hope so.

Watching McClintock and the memories it brings it up.Dad and I went to almost every John Wayne movie together and the ones with Maureen O'Hara were favorites and still are. The scene in this one where she falls in the mud. And the scene where he pulls her to the house in the Quiet Man is another. Guess I love a big assertive man who does it quietly.My dad was big like Wayne and never raised a fist to anyone that I know of but he really didn't have to. One look at the size of his hands and his stature was all it took to make someone think twice, without a growl from him.

Oh he had a temper and he would let it go. In fact he and I clashed often because like himm I too had a temper. To counteract my flashes of temper I learned to knit and would go knit rather than enter a shouting match once I had my say. It worked. He also gifted me with his beleif that one has a right to an opinion even though while in his house you better say it carefully.lol He also never said no you are not capable to me, and I knew he he would support me in my choices.

Mom helped to form me also. She beleieved she could maintain things at home whenDad was on his saales route and she did. She took in borders when I was a child and later worked in the hospital diet kitchen during my high schhool and college years. She also managed theJ P Penney"s womens wear department. During our Missouri farm years, she raised, cattle,sheep, and chickens. I recall taking cream and eggs into Cameron,Mo. to have pin Monday. Once she took in 90 dozen eggs and had to add money to buy feed with money from her purse. We slaughtered all the hens in the next week. Roasters and fryers filled our freezer. Maybe that is why chicken is not my favorite meal today.

Both of them gave me my work ethic. I can not recall when they did not work and recall that Dad took some not great jobs to keep food on the table several times.so that is why I have been an avon lady, newspaper reporter, pizza shhop night manager and teacher. When I think of no job in the future, i wonder how I will fill my time. it will be an adjustment.

Life is a great teacher and many of our lessons come from the people around us. Our parents are our earliest teachers. Mine were great models and I hope my girls think the same of me.