Friday, July 12, 2013

attitude

Today I was reminded that attitude can break you or make things better. I was served at the Deli at Dillons ad my server was new to the job. She was nervous and being guided but she kept smiling. I smiled back and the tension eased on her part and I really never felt any. I complimented her on her smile before I left. I fear the next inline may not be not have been a smile maker as she had been tapping her foot and was standing with a angry set to her face when I left. How sad.

Left the store after checking out and playing with the four month old in the cart in front of me.She gave me a big burp and smile as Mom left the checkout line. Sort of made my day as seeing any young one happy can do. Finished loading my bags and turned to take the cart back but a smiling ma on his way in asked if could just take it with him. that made me smile too. The day has been good since.

I know I have written about how I do what I can do then let Him do it. But being brutally honest I sometimes do it without a smile and more of a is this really the way it has to been smirk. so while I am content with my choice I do not necessarily project that image. I am human but this summer I have not really planned it , but I am smiling more and using thank you and please more. I find that I get smiles and such in return often and that makes the day better. Now I am not a bouncing Pollyanna or Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Such inane giggling attitude is unreal and un-maintainable but I am doing a simple smile more than frown . Guess what you get smiles and hellos and more back. On the plus side though I may not get my way or everything I want. I am certain I get more than a frown would get me and even if I don't come out on top, My spirit is in a better place. Try smiling.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

morning buzz

No it is not a coffee buzz. this is my neighbor to the rear trimming trees for the third day. Believe me, he does not own that many trees,but this is the man who came into my yard without asking to trim my tree. I told him to trim his side of the 8 ft fence or ask me. Had he asked, I would have said yes,gladly but not that way. It was several years ago, and he has not done the invasion again. I remember I was polite( no cussing school marm polite) but firm.

People always surprise me. Most are great but those who think they are right and have the right to impose their action or views on me without discussion or consulting me are like gnats that attack you evening--small( in mind not size necessarily) and pesky. They need to be dealt with. Honesty, firmness and in extreme cases cessation of contact constitute successful methods of dealing with them. I could tell you stories but I won't.

At the moment the new fiction piece I am working on has me stymied. I know where it should go and am ready to go but there is a bump in the flow I need to fix first. The fix is out there just beyond my grasp but until it comes and is dealt with the story itself is at a standstill. hopefully it will float closer and let me grab it sometime today.

In the meantime I am reading the Longmire series and Julie Blackwell's cozy mysteries. I am also knitting,and this is a work in progress--30 rows out of 57 needed done before the next step on a felted messenger bag. I will get it done today or tomorrow so at least one goal can be reached and I can start the flap ( another 57 +rows). Life seems to be aeries of goals and small setbacks on the way to those goals at the moment. Ever have that happen to You?

Still my problems are so little in comparison to those others are burdened with that I can not gripe. I choose to dwell on the positives.I do what I can and let Him handle the rest. What is over is over,and what is to come is often not in our hands. We only need to handle what today brings with acceptance, endeavor, and Fortitude and most importantly faith.

Have a good day.

Monday, July 8, 2013

So once again it has been awhile. I guess the blog suffers because I do not expose every aspect of my life on it. That is also why my twitter account is nearly defunct. Facebook become a bit political for me because I do not particularly like the way the nation heading with a do nothing congress that panders to the ultra conservative and overly rich. My Christian faith is based on Jesus loves me and the line that mentions the colors and the verse that says Judge not lest you be judged plus the one that follows that which is really scary as it defines what happens who judge in Jesus' place. Enough said.

Just because am not blogging does not mean I am not writing. I have started a new tale and am trying to work on the ya work a bit. Stymied on one I turn to the other. Maybe not a good thing. My story circle on line group helps me so much. I ever publish they will definitely get a strong thank you.

In other topics< I am putting up a little library in my yard. A student built mine and the rule is take one and leave one. It will be put up today or tomorrow. I am sorting books to put in. Basically they will be reads I have enjoyed but do not care to keep.Big concern is where to put it. Easy to get to but away from my ugs heads are the placement requirement. I know of one other in Hutchinson and everyone is welcome to visit mine soon.

That is all for now.





Thursday, July 4, 2013

july 4,2013

http://new.livestream.com/poisonedpen/serpents-tooth had to share a new favorite author. hope it shows up.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

july 3rd

Amazing last night no big booms were heard. In the past the week before the fourth has always been loud, and louder in my area. Maybe the new rules are being observed. Dogs are happier because of the subdued celebration. Yet I realize that the big night is still to come and then there is a wind down until Sunday. However a gentler celebration is nice after the 3 am hollering,music, and fireworks of last year.

Yesterday day I posted the beginning of something that has been playing on my mind for several days. Mind you that is all you my few readers will get until I finish it. So let me know if you love,like or hate it and why. It will help to chart the course of this tale.

Not much to write today.More tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

new fiction

Hanna pulled the bright yellow bug to the side of the road and checked her gps once again. This was not a road; it was two ruts running through a wood. The gps still said turn here. Shrugging her shoulders, Hanna started the car and turned.
Bumping along the trail, she kept her eyes peeled for a simple cottage that was her new home. Once again she could not believe she had inherited a cottage and an annual income from an Aunt Tabby whose existence was a secret her mother took with her to the grave. Yet, it had come at the right moment to revive her after a bitter divorce which had also cost her job as a librarian in the small Kansas town which had been her lifelong home. Now she was the owner of a house in New England on the Atlantic coast near the Canadian border with an income which meant she no longer had to work plus an account to maintain the property.
The male voice of gps indicated another left turn which broke her thoughts as a break in the trees widened and a house came into view. It was two stories with attic dormer windows, built of stone.
Could this be the house? If so, it was not her idea of a stone cottage or the saltbox shingled home she expected. It sat near a cliff and the Atlantic could be seen and heard hitting the grey stone at the beach below. Hanna stopped the car and the gps announced ‘you are here”.
Hanna walked to the door. A brass next to the door read Seacliff cottage. Foundation laid in 1640. This was indeed her new home.
Hanna looked for the iron frog which held the house key and found it nearly hidden by the dried up sedum plantings. Lifting it she shook until the key fell into her hand and putting it in the lock opened the door to her new life. She expected cobwebs and dust as the lawyer had said Tabby had been ill for years, but the hall was pristine and furniture shone with recent polishing. Fresh flowers were in an aged crackled jug on the table and there was a note propped next to it.
Hanna,
Welcome to Sea Cliff. I am so glad that once again the house will live. My name is Mercy and I took the liberty of cleaning it and stocking the pantry and refrigerator once I knew you arrival date. Tabby taught me much about herbs and such and I feel I have repaid part of what I owe her by doing this.
I have also brought you a house cat as Seacliff always has had one and there seemed to be a mousey invasion in progress. She is a calico and oh by the way she is expecting. Seacliff kittens are always in demand in the village so relax.
The journals on the desk are the history of the house. I do hope you will read them. I will be over in a day or so to meet you.
Mercy Good.

Intrigued by the note and how this Mercy knew about her, Hanna was relieved not to have to hunt a grocer this first day. Another blessing was the house came fully furnished so no shopping until she wanted change and knew what it would be. Before she brought in her baggage, she decided to walk through her new home. The lower rooms were large and lit by windows and showed their older roots as each held a large fireplace and broad planked floors of yellow pine. The staircase to the upper floors was wider than normal in an older home so it had to been added later as had the upper story. Each of the bedchambers again had a fireplace, but the windows were larger and the glass no longer had blowers’ marks. Hanna felt she had to read the journals to know the history of the house. Finally approaching the attic door which she attempted to open, but it was locked. She made a mental note to ask this Mercy person for a key.
Dusk was falling when she went downstairs and went to the kitchen. The stainless steel appliances looked odd in a room that still had a spitted fireplace and a brick oven, but somehow the result was pleasant. A huge red ware bowl on the counter held apples of all colors, and the refrigerator was stocked with milk, water, sliced meat and cheese. Cupboards held cereals, spices, and other staples. Mercy had been efficient and Hanna was happy with the welcome the woman had prepared.
Leaning back against the counter Hanna relaxed as she ate a quick sandwich and waited for coffee to brew, she once again wondered how an unknown aunt had found her and provided for her. Life had not been easy the past year. Patrick her love of her life partner had not shared the idea of eternal faithfulness as she found out when she caught him on top of his married assistant principal who was on top of his wide administrator ‘s desk, and he was bitter, mean and resentful of her decision not to be satisfied with the status quo. Popular in their small Kansas town where he was a homegrown leader, she became an outcast and her teaching contract was not renewed by a school board whose head was Patrick’s uncle? She had managed to keep the bug and half the money from the house sale but six months later the money was low and no job was in sight. Facing an unknown future, the telephone call from her Aunt’s lawyer three weeks ago had been a ray of sunshine breaking the gloom on her life. Now she was here and ready to move on.
The sound of footfalls above her broke the reverie just as something jumped on her shoulder. A meow announced the arrival of the house cat who proceeded to wrap her warm body around Hanna’s neck for a few minutes before she flew to the floor to pace in front of Hanna. Mewling as she walked the cat wen from Hanna to the door and back again.
“What is it kitty? What do you want? Is something at the door?”
The mewling went higher in pitch and louder. Hanna went to the door and opened I, and a huge silver tabby waited there. Walking in the tabby called to the smaller calico and the cats began a dance of sorts rubbing an entwining tails while purring loudly. Hanna had to laugh at their antics until tabby sat infront of her as if to assess her.
“Okay , you are welcome here.” Hanna announced and the two cats took off in a game of tag me that seemed fated to cover the entire house. Still smiling Hanna went to get her baggage from her car. She stepped outside and was stopped by a large man at the door with her bags in hand. He walked into the house and turned.” You will be in the east room.” He announced and then went up the stairs. Hanna followed confused at this incident.
“Who are you? Why the east room ? I rather like the one with the windows to the south,”
“Owners always stay it the east room. It is the biggest.”
“ That makes sense ,but just who are you?”
“ Barid. I live in the guest house in the rear. Did they not tell you about me?”





Tuesday, June 11, 2013

moving a bit faster

Well, the inertia is on the way out. I am actually accomplishing some things each day. Not many but few and believe it all in the AM hours as heat and I do not agree. It is 94 at the moment, and the dogs are sleeping. Thank god for a/c as I do not think I could survive without it though I must have as a child. I can remember loving movies good or bad because they were air conditioned and while shopping was not a favorite, the stores with a/c were a delight. Are any of you old enough to recall those days however dimly?

I can recall other things that I am really too young to recall because my Mom and Dad were open to new things. I can recall visiting friends in western Nebraska before they had electricity. We moved to a farm in Missouri before my teen years ,and it had no running water the first few months. So my hair was washed under a pump, and we visited an outhouse for real. Mom got that taken care of as soon as the ground thawed. The phone was another matter. It was a wall hung crank type with a seven party line.You could hear them breathing as they listened on on your calls, but Mom would not let us return the action. Still a memory is Dad calling about a good price for peaches, and he had to deliver about ten lugs besides our on the way home.

Also another memory of that time was church. The closest Missouri Synod Lutheran was some 35 miles away from the farm. So went to a small wooden chapel in a field not more than two miles. We had a pastor every other week-- titled brother who preached Bible in hand. The men came in overalls and women might have a hat and a dress that was not quite a house dress but not high style either. It did not matter. The hymns shook the clapboards and on non pastor Sundays the attendance was the same as the days he was present. If someone needed help, it was there without asking. Looking back it was there I learned faith and just as important charity as a part of community life. Both tenets have stuck with me. Rich or poor everyone was equal in that place, and I just wish it was true of life now.

Just now I let Winston out and the wind is on a tear. The trees are shuffling their leaves and you can hear a shush shush shush as you stand on the deck.I like to be outside in the early hours and can recall sitting on the porch on the farm reading and sitting on the steel glider at Gram's under the big oak doing the same thing. I have never been able to take heat and even less now that I am older.

I began this saying my inertia is going away and it is slowly. Tomorrow I will begin to sort out the closet and bureaus, I am determined to rid myself of anything I have not worn in the last year. yet, I know in advance I may not get it done as they are always a few retained because maybe I might wear it or there is a memory attached to it. does this happen to you?

Memories are triggered by many things. Aromas send me down memory lane. Cigar smoke and Old Spice after shave bring Dad to me.His largeness was such a security to me even though he was a salesman and on the road more days in the week than he was home. A big man over six foot with a 17" neck he was really one of the gentlest men I have ever know even when he was angry. Mom comes along when I smell certain foods--sugar cookies, potato salad, German chocolate cake. to name a few. Barely 5' she was one of the most independent women I have ever know and I knew many.the women of the WW 2 seemed to have a Rosie the riveter morale .At least Mom and all my aunts on both sides lived life on their own terms, but those are stories for another day.


Thursday, June 6, 2013

inertia

School for me has been out since May 2 and it is now June 6th. What have I done? to be honest not much.Inertia has grabbed me and not let me progress. Actually I have knitted and read and baked and had two doctor visits and played with dogs and read and knitted.
It has definitely me me doing only what made me feel good , but now is the time to get with it.

June has two scheduled trips. One is this weekend with the knitting savant. Later My oldest daughter and I will head off to see Paige ( Becky's oldest)be Aslan in the C.S.Lewis classic, Her dad ,Andy,is in active duty in the Afghanistan area and so Sara and I want to be there for her. The Mystery book club will meet and The Delos.v.Smith film series is on at the Fox. So yes I have some things on the calendar,but there are things I have to do. One is to walk more; de-clutter the closet and drawers and all those household things is another. Hard to break the inertia cycle BUT IT WILL BE DONE.

So I have made a list but it is not the detailed thing I have seen others create. Nope--I need more flex in my plan so I have listed one major chore a day Monday- Friday. I will get that done and anything above that will be a bonus.
Stressing over things not done is not my goal but joy on doing that one item each day and doing it well.Have to have time to read and to knit also.

Speaking of that it is time for me to get up, check fb one more time and get dressed. More next time. what are you doing this summer?




Wednesday, June 5, 2013

daily things.

Thunder played in our skies last night.Accompanied by tapping raindrops , it was a welcome natural melody. Our land has been dry so long that these last rains have been more than welcome. Lakes are refilling. Yards are greener. Rain must have some quality not found in irrigation and sprinkler systems when they water.

I planted some new hybrid hollyhocks which are growing well but not the tall spikes that I remember from childhood. Grandma had them and my cousins and I made ballerinas from the blooms by turning upside down. Has anyone else done that? I am aware they self-seed passionately but my yard needs color near the fence line so self-seed they may for a year or so.

Such small things can give so much pleasure. The smell of the mornings first cup of coffee, the warmth of freshly buttered toast, the crispness of the new book's pages ( were you looking for another food), can fill my day with goodness and thankfulness for being here and present in life.

Being present is not an easy thing. So many of us are always looking forward to the next event. the next new and better possession, the next whatever that we do not sense what is good in life right now. It is a zen thing -- being present, but it is also Christian. If we accept our belief ( zen or other) we can sense the good in our lives and leave off the constant search for what do not have even if it might not be the best thing for us. We do not have leave off striving for things but we learn to do what we can and leave the rest to Him. It takes practice to say Let thy will be done and realize that he does what is best for us in the long run

This summer I am not teaching the first one in many years. Mornings are lazy though due to the dogs they begin a bit earlier than I wish. I am reading,knitting and just living. Not one hour is planned unless I choose to go to an event. Meals happen when they happen. Cleaning when I feel like it and I am finding I actually get more done. In a sense the routine of the school year gives me a structured life that I enjoy but this free will living is good also.

Winston is begging for attention.More later.



Monday, June 3, 2013

So I have not been here. I have a good excuse--knitting and more importantly Cece and her kiddos were here. Family time I can never regret.
Are you reading anything this summer? I have finished two mysteries though one is heavy on the romance thing too. The Book of lost Fragrances blends romance, reincarnation and mystery. A satisfying read whose story carries over to the book entitled Seduction which has gothic overtones. Did anyone read the Victoria Holt's books? Well Seduction is an excellent rival of the genre.I just finished Ear to Heart the biography of Delores Hart who kissed Elvis in a movie, played Claire the sister of Francis Assisi, was in Where the boys Are and Come fly with me. A book that does not read quickly but gives a person's spirituality a kick in the pants. An interesting book was The Yard which is a debut novel. It is full of twists and turns and holds your interest seeing how the strings come together in the end. I rather hope this becomes a series. At the moment Inferno is on my bedside. What is on yours?

Knitting---a heavily cabled sweater by Starmore is on my needles. I jump for joy whenever a row comes out without and frogging back to fix an error. This is always on the right side row of course. But what is done looks good. I am also working on a purse and a baby sweater . They both should be done before school starts. I am knitting Christmas gifts this year. but the aran is mine and baby bit is for a co teacher.

This week I am going to a yarn spinnery in Phillipsburg, Ks with a group of like minded people. It is a Knitting Savant and if you knit you should catch her blog by the same name. My stash will grow without a doubt. June also holds a trip to Becky's place to see Paige as Aslan. Sara will drive an I will knit on the way.I have socks started.

That is all there is for now. I plan on doing this more often.












Monday, May 13, 2013

in the moment

Have not been here for days. It is funny that while many thoughts have been rattling around in my mind the urge to put them dow has not been there.. Is it vacation? Maybe.

Recently had a student do a paper on mindfulness which means to be in the present. In this very moment and not to be distracted is a tall order. Then I picked up a book by M J Rose THE BOOK OF LOST FRAGRANCES only to find it was speaking of being in the present which of course is a zen concept. Interesting overlap to say the least and then I read THE LITTLE WORLD OF RUTHIE LEMING by
Ros Dreher( spelling? as I do not want to break the moment and get up) which is a man's journey within himself and his family as his sister battled cancer and lost. Once again he began to be aware of the moment more than the big picture. I have begun to wonder if these events have been not accidental but some type of plan by the man above.

The smell after a rain, the sight of a flower,coffee brewing, these things have always stopped me in my tracks and wiped my mind of all else. Nothing mattered but that moment. It did not last long but it was enough to carry me through the day. However these readings stressed the need to make such a moment last longer , to think of the specific moment without going to extensions such as telephone calls,lists of to do's. To Just Live. Is that possible in this tech rich harried world we live in? Not sure but I am going to give it a try this summer. I will keep you posted.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

may baskets

May 1st. May day. As a child I spend days before the event making construction paper baskets to old flowers, cookies and such and praying for nice weather. That day I would jump form the warm covers and often in pajamas run to place the baskets on neighborhood porches, ring the bell, and hide. The point was to give cheer without hope of reward though there were always some baskets at our door. We did something at school but no indelible memories exist of those events. It Was the thrill of giving with the sense of getting away with it unnoticed. Anyone else remember those paste and crayon covered creations?

The French give bon chance or good luck on this day by presenting people with muget de bois or lily of the valley sprigs. A low cost cheer up that makes the day a special one. I often used these blooms in my baskets and at times would pick them early and place them in food coloring. The color would stripe the white blooms,and so they were a bit more splashy if less natural.

Does anyone remember the military parades in Moscow on May Day with huge displays of tanks? And the corresponding parades in our cities to counter their big day? I think they called it law day? This was in the same era that we went under our desk curled into balls during atomic bomb drills. Even then I wondered about the effectiveness of this action?

Still the idea of giving without reward is the one that it perks up my thoughts. How often do we do something without thought of benefit to ourselves? I truly hope it is often. Selfless reaction to a crisis such as marathons are inspirations for all of us but there are professions that include this giving on a daily basis. Teachers, nurses. policemen, and firemen give of themselves daily as do parents. think of a time when one of these made your life better without thinking of what they could get from it.

The giving does not have to be much-- a pat on the back, a willing ear, a smile as you pass someone. Such small actions can carry a big impact on someone else and often we do not even realize that we have done it. One of the students in my school always has a smile and a high five and sometimes whispers woody's as he passes me. While the woody's is a private joke, even without that his smile makes my day happier. I hope my return of the greeting also lifts him up.

There is a Bible verse that says judge not lest you be judged and I guess that is what I am thinking of here. People are so quick to judge ;often without knowledge of the facts. We need less of that and more of the small kindnesses to others regardless of their gender, color, religion and sexual orientation. We are all humans with ups and downs. We all need acceptance and kindness; we all need to pass the small things on and brighten someone's spirit and day.

So Avez le bon chance-- have a good day.





Friday, April 26, 2013

odd bits





Meet Winston who fills my life with joy, fun and odd moments of terror. The other day he got out the door without a lead and headed to the street. Luckily Crescent is not busy at 5:30 in the am, and also he knows my command voice. So he is safe to lay once again on his back and dream of the birds he can not catch.




Both socks are now done. Never thought I would actually finish a pair but I did . Wonder of wonders I am actually thinking of a pair or two for people on my Christmas list.
It was part of a dare and since I am, done a dear pal must finish a sweater for herself. Do I feel smug? Just a little.





Started a baby jacket for a new one due in July. It is nearly all done now. Body done. just sleeves and button band left. It is a Ravelry pattern and looks rather like an old prof's favorite cardigan. I will post the finished photo soon. At the moment I am doing a dishcloth for the once a month eat out and exchange a dish cloth group. I must say I love these eco-friendly cloths. they do not get scummy or smelly and wash Like a dream. here is one in progress. oops I changed phones and I did not update so the photo will have to wait.


This short but I have to grade things as this is the end of the year.Last full Friday today. Two more class days two final days and the hard part of the year is over. C'est fini until fall.






Wednesday, April 24, 2013

So it is time to jump out of the slough of despair and back into life. Life Bunyan's pilgrim I must make progress. The example set by the people of Boston and of America's population as a whole does not allow one to go down spiritually. We will pick up the pieces,support one another and move on.

Except it might not be that easy. America has always felt safe and protected from invasions and riots and mass anything. But since 9/11 we have learned differently. It has not been an easy lesson and some are bitter. Bitterness is an easy emotion as it fills a void without any reasons behind it. Going forward is tougher as we have to put fear, blame,and distrust to the bottom of our priorities and climb back up to hope and forgiveness. I am on my way. Are you?

But enough said.My last blog dealt with this stuff and the helpers than help us. A happier topic is watching the school year end. I love my profession but am glad for the respite. It is another time to rebuild and recharge the inner batteries. The students also need this change. At the moment they are so ready to leave it is hard for them to settle down and focus on the final assignments of the day. Do you remember how you were when it was near the end of your school years.?

French 1 and French 2 have video assignments due for tomorrow ( 1/2 their final grade).
One is in and the others well one is still finished and the rest are editing. Several of the students are upset that I am sticking with the due date but it is the end of the year. At college last night a student challenged me when I said her paraphrase used too many of the original words in the original order. Despite these things the results of the majority are good and and the students are great. they make life interesting and keep my eyes open and my mind also.

So from today on it is rebuild time. May and August are pretty much non working months and June/July schedule is not yet decided. time for a house clean ( volunteers) and of course writing and knitting. I Intend to add waling the tunnel and the machines in the cardiac unit. But the spiritual rebuilding will take time and perhaps more effort. Recently I have begun to lector again at Our Lady. It s an activity that causes me to focus once again the messages of faith and this in turn gives me strength.What strengthens you?











Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Roger's wisdom

" Look for the helpers "

Fred Rogers

This phrase has been repeated often in the past nineteen hours since Boston. It is a legacy of wise words by a man that saw children as future adults to be developed with gentle kindness. In this time it brings us comfort and it caused me to think of the helpers of our world.

First response people are hero helpers. The firemen, the emts, the doctors and nurses n the er, the police and the federal investigators rush in and do their job without thought of personal safety. In 9/11, at Sandy Hook, during hurricanes and tornadoes they deeds have inspired us with awe and with pride in their accomplishments.They deserve all the medals, praise and respect that they are given.

But there are other helpers in each of our lives that have lifted us up, supported us and shown us the way to better ourselves. Some do all three;others do the one thing we need at the time. Dorothy Thompson was helper in my teen years. Terrible in math geometry was a panic class for me. Even when I knew the answer I panicked. Miss Thompson small and dark wren like she taught the class and noticed me. I am not sure what she did but Geometry made sense and for once math was fun. I can recall they day she asked me to come in as she had made an error on my quarter grade. Trembling I went to her room after school expecting my B+ to become C+ or worse. Instead she changed it to an A- and gave me the confidence that i could do math until I hit trig in college. she pointed the way for me.

Joyce is another helper.A mother of one of my students and a town librarian, she and I became close because of a shared love of reading. when my marriage broke it was her support that allowed me to survive the turmoil of a divorce. She has been there for me during illness, disputes with children, job moves etc. She has become my sister and to this day seems to sense when I need a call or an email to say hey girl you are going to be ok. I only hope the support has been mutual.

Another helper though he might not know it was Father Ron Garry. At a time when my church was not giving my faith anything, he invited me to mass not knowing that I had attended Catholic grade school and all that that such schooling meant such as mass, stations, rosaries, and catechism. That mass was a homecoming and once again my faith was fulfilled. I have not regretted changing to my childhood teaching. As the twig is bent does hold true.

There have been many helpers in my life and there still are. The ladies at Yarn make me laugh, teach pride and humility and have become my community. Ex-Students are another community; some are nearly family. Fellow teachers support me every day.

Look at your life. Find your helpers. Thank them and if you can return the favor. Also thank Fred rogers for his insight on the need to find the helpers during times of national and personal crisis. and pay it forward.


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

shawled in beauty

Shawled with icy lace
The trees bend and crack
Victims of adorning beauty
Mother Nature’ double gift
Wonderment and pain in one
Crystallized in freezing rain.


Last night I learned rain had texture as I drove home form teaching my night class. Torrents if heavy woolen drops obscured my vision and made clench the steering wheel. Misty mini drops like delicate lace webbing followed the torrent and so I relaxed my clenched fists. There even patches of dry road where the rain had ceased and only the wind remained and pushed against my car with Olympian force.

The sky danced with light and rocked with thunder during the night. Rain fell forcefully and fitfully in alternating patterns. As storms are more or less my metaphor of life, I enjoyed the sky show and fell asleep lulled by the miracle of needed moisture.

Today I awoke to soft rain but with pellets sounding on roof and road. Ice was raining and trees were being wrapped in their lace shawls of the frozen moisture. The beauty was awe inspiring even though I knew it would spell death for some of those so dressed in beauty. One-quarter inch of ice will break branches to the ground and rip them from the parent plant. The cost of a moment’s glory can be a heavy toll.

Life like the iced trees can have moments of glory and beauty. Most are just that beauty and the memories give us joy forever. But some a dreadful few hide an ulterior purpose and these leave behind scars. We all have them---disappointing loves, lost careers. Illness. Life touches us with both and we, mere humans that we are, must learn to cope, to seek balance, to survive. This survival is what endows us with compassion for the plights of others and to help them with the scary moments even when we are in our happiest. This is what makes us truly human to be able to feel the needs of others and to respond.

For me my faith gives me the strength to bear up when life is not as I would have it and to rejoice when it exceeds my expectations. To be an atheist it seems to me is to be a boat without a rudder aimlessly tossing at each new event with nothing outside your own thoughts to sustain you and give you comfort. But each of us must determine how to face the beauty and the pain of life in our own way. I choose faith,


T

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

tuesday ---busy day

Cheesecake breakfast day for French Club. three flavors await those who can get up and still remember. This will be the last event of the year. Next year we will have to see if it ( the club) is still going. Mostly did eating events this year as there is a ban on outside of Reno county trips and having the members pay for a bus. also to be truthful not many films that are not full of sex and nudity that are French. I plan on looking all summer.

Today and tomorrow are block days due to science and social studies assessment testing. All my classes actually meet today but tomorrow we have a 6:30 breakfast of choice award students so I must be here. My impact class is fifth hour so I am here until 11:30. these are great days for project work but some students still tend to make little progress. It is interesting to see how the groups work and who contributes. I make mental notes about students and their work ethic. If the chairperson is serious they usually do better unless she/he takes it over completely. group projects reveal many things about students.

The end of the year also reveals much about students and attitudes. Many roll up their learning about two weeks before classes are over and teachers have to pull and pull to get them to do the least little thing, Others do nothing but some (and these are the ones who succeed in school and life) keep doing what is necessary even though it is a chore. Maybe this is why a C student in High school is often a better college student because they have learned to study and work while the A student who is not challenged has not developed the tools or habits so badly needed on campus.

Life is not easy. The tools to survive with grace are often hard won. Once a person leaves the security of a home where nothing is asked of him or her and the reality of rent, taxes, food, and going to work to afford these hits life becomes a challenge. every generation despairs that the youth of their era will meet the challenges. From Plato to today the words " these youngsters" have bemoaned the state of the world. Yet, we are still here and that should prove that the majority of those "wild" "irresponsible"
youngsters do grow up and keep things on a more or less even keel.

Still this last year has shown me that there are more and more students who feel they need their and A and the teacher should provide without effort on their part or at least the littlest possible effort by them. They want study guides which are the test so they can memorize the answers without understanding the meaning or process behind them.
These same students expect and often have every new tech toy, the in clothes, etc and damn the expense to the household budget. they complain about the freedoms to do as they like when they want to. Yes, these are age old complaints but the abundance of them is different.

But the majority of them will grow up but not without bumps in the road. They will find the world is not centered by them, and they will survive. They will do what they have to and learn the process of being an adult even if the lessons taught by life are a bit harsh. It is after all the way of the world.

Life has taught me lessons and now I accept that there are things that i can not change. My faith makes life is easier. I know that I will survive His power will keep me Maybe not the way I hope for but in the long run it will be the best result.My hope is that today's youth has the faith or gets the faith to help them live , love and laugh their way through life.





Sunday, April 7, 2013

thoughts on a lay self-indulgent weekend

So the dogs are quiet for the time being. Winston has played himself out tossing ad honking his toys. Now he is flat on the floor preparing to sleep. The chihuahuas are at the window near me protecting the house from passing birds and a feral tomcat. the world is as it should be.

Saturday morning I wondered down to breakfast at the Bluebird book store.It was a treat as some fifteen of us were discussing existing book clubs and book clubs yet to form. Nice to see so many readers though there was only one male in the bunch. readers still exist and life is good.After that off to the Hutchinson's cash mob's visit to Benton's Greenhouse. Neat place to visit and i bought some plants for my English cottage garden dream. Austin came and planted them so the double hollyhocks( I know they are prolific self seeders!) lavender and a dark( almost black) leafed ground cover. The holly hocks are by the wood fence, and I am considering more of them. Lavender and ground cover are around the base of a large tree. I need some poppies, trumpet vine, heliotrope , and shrub roses. I want a riot of colors but fragrance is a major focus. Any suggestions are welcome.

Friday brought an unexpected pleasure. Andrea invited me to go with her to the Fox for the Hot 8 jazz band.Wow what music and they played nearly 2 hours with only a 10 minute break. Going home the music was still playing in my head.On Saturday I found that Kris had given the tickets to Shannon and Marlo who had a celebration of an esquire addition to Marlo's name so they gave them to Andrea and she shared them with me. A lucky chain of events gave me a night to remember.

Today I planned to knit but the needles have not yet clicked. Mass first thing this morning renewed me and since then I have read,played solitaire and helped a grandchild with a paper.After talking to my daughter who is unusually leveled headed about her brood, I truly believe this teacher did not do her job. everything began with according to or in the article which is okay in MLA but not every sentence. Even Sara some 20+ plus out of high school knew that paraphrases did not have to be written like that and in text citation is needed.so we talked about it and she said 5 -6 students had the same problem and had to re write today but teacher would not let them get their papers to use for the rewrite. i have a feeling the instructor did not go over end of quote and paraphrase citation because it is not easy to teach. Also why was it not corrected on the rough draft or during a teacher consult.The paper was not an A by any means but I think it was the teacher's fault as well as Becca's--- especially since others were in the same boat and over half the class of seniors is flunking.Enough said!!!

This evening Call the Midwife and Masterpiece's Mr Selfridge with Jerry Piven are on PBS. Vikings on History will be taped for later viewing. dogs will be crated ear;y and needles will clack as I view. I should be able to finish the button bad and weave in ends of my bohus which was successfully steeked.

Oh yes the house needed dusting and such but I said this was a self-indulgent weekend so it will be doe during the week, why self -indulgent? Sometimes one has to become a bit of a spoiled creature to not worry about what must be done but what should be done to revive the inner spirit, hopes and viewpoint. It is the end of a shortened school year, the ids are done, senior presentations need to be judged, finals created and graded,professional days to be done and in general many must do in a few days. None of them of onerous but they have to be done. So this weekend though not originally planned to be a for me time turned in to one. I am relaxed and the frustrations of a busy time are lessened. my engines are tuned and revving I can make it to the end.




Tuesday, April 2, 2013

wondering todays students.

Lately one of my teaching colleagues from another school has posted somewhat less than optimistic views on today's student body. One indicated that he feels they are taught to still so well in the primary grades that they do not feel obligated to other than sit and stare in high school. In other words to not engage in actually earning the grade they hope to be given. A newer one said that he was having trouble getting students to care about the lesson and/or themselves and that some actually have said in so many words--just go on. I do not care. This is from a man who loves his profession and his instructional area. He if anyone could inspire students to learn.

Now I am a bit luckier than that in my high school classes. I teach French. My students are for the most part individualistic---after all they chose French not Spanish. Though some will not go beyond year one the majority of those that do are most part self-starters who do not have to be pushed to learn. They are astounded of course one does not learn French and simply replace the English and even French has grammar( shudder here!) has rules. Still those who go on make my teaching productive and enjoyable.

My College classes are different. There I teach required English. In every class there are those who do not do the work and more often those who pay for the class and texts but never come to class. AS they do not bother to officially drop, the "F" on the transcript can be no surprise. I wonder do they just get the grant money and then depart for party hardyville. These are mostly younger students; the non-trads who are older are always there. They make the teaching worthwhile.

STILL THIS SEMESTER TWO EVENTS WRANKLE ME. Once I asked a student if she had trouble emailing her outside work in. She said: "nope. I just don't do it unless it is done in class" What? Then last night I drove 30 Miles to teach basic English the first class after break. 7+ students in a four hour class. One student showed up and she was late. Needless to say I dismissed class and the boss can winch but it is useless to teach 1 student for four hours.
Emailed the rest the assignment and we will move next week. The material will be on the final, but they can learn it on their own.

So yes ,the fact that today we had over 100 students carrying at least one "f" at my high school bothers me. How do we make them care when cell phones, games, jobs etc. are more important than classwork. When mothers say "I can do nothing with him. Your turn" Yikes, if you do not do it at home, we can not create a work ethic here. Still there are those who do work, who do their level best, who want to learn. They make the days worthwhile. They are the answers to the negative questionings of colleagues. They are why I teach.




Sunday, March 31, 2013

easter once again.

Watching the bible on the History Channel as I type this blog. Okay, I am doing two things at once but I have watched it before and I have been absent from here for several days. As I have a pile of papers to grade this should probably wait but i will grade in the evening.

Easter always brings a renewal of things for me so I tend to make Easter resolutions rather than the other kind. My mind is clearer when the sun is shining and the chances of ice are less. Going to set up a cleaning schedule and do a little each day. It as worked pretty well during break and the big end of the season thing is not so daunting and I want to list the knitting ufo's in a finishing plan. Bahaus fair isle is so close just 18 rows , second sock is close to the end also, ready to start the back of the Pern and these are listed to get done while I enjoy myself with the Aran. I get a bit bored so that explains the ufo's. Some go in time outs, others are new methods to learn, and others a matter of loving a yarn or a pattern. But most of the new this year will be planned Christmas presents. Not every one will get one due to time and dollars, but some will if I see something they will like(I hope) and use.

Ham is in the oven with new potatoes (yukon gold). It will feed me for over a week as once again I am alone for the holiday event. The penalty for not living in my children's areas and for having them as independent as I am. This is not a bad thing. They are there when I am in need as a couple of heart things have proven. We do not call daily or visit a lot due to busy schedules, but the love connection is there. Guess there is no cling in this mother. Good or bad? Time will tell as age catches up with me. My acceptance of the physical distance is in part due to the fact that all my relatives other than my parents lived far away from my homes in Nebraska and Missouri. Ohio and Pennsylvania were the family filled states.

Friends and faith as well as family fill my world. A cup of tea at a friend's home,lunch with another at a new cafe, knitting and nattering with others at Yarn, letters and cards from others who are further away are daily blessings. Age, economics etc do not matter; common interests, exchange of ideas and events. compassion, and so many other things make them work. They are for me the best of the gifts God has blessed me with after my daughters and family. He as blessed me well.

Easter with the resurrection is for me a new beginning-- a new spring. It is a time to reflect, to remember, to resurrect plans. to renew my life more than the New Year is. Once again it is time to bloom where I am planted. May you do the same.


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

flavorings recipes from life, cleo coyle, and Susan Witting Albert

Bailey's Irish Cream as an ingredient is delicate but sin in a bottle. I have several recipes calling for it--- a cheese cake, and icing on top of Guiness( yes Guiness)cupcakes but my favorite is the newest--Bailey's Irish Cream Coffee Poke cake. It is so easy. first enhance a cake mix , then wen cool poke it and top with a glaze of coffee and baileys and then bailey flavored powdered sugar Frosting. The recipe can be found at mysterloverskitchen.com. Calories galore,moist. sweet lush what other words can I use.To save my a1c results and hips, I took this to Yarn.

Another recipe favorite is from the Darling Dahlia series. It is a molasses cookie that is close to my gran's.Sweet yet spicy, it is best made in smaller cookies and is just the thing with cold milk. I do admit to stumbling on a variation that I like. Once when short on some of the spices it calls for I used pumpkin pie spice and it was great. Susan's books always have good eats in the back and they are not the usual ordinary ones just as Cleo Coyle's in the coffee house series are taste tempting and new twists. by the way the cake mentioned above will be in her new book.

Another cooking author and great read is Joanna Fluke's series set in Minnesota. No wonder I have hips. Reading these books sends me to the kitchen and ten to Yarn or to school with the results. I really do not think anyone minds.

Growing up the kitchen was a safe place. Gran's always had a blue roaster full of cookies. The molasses one, and orange flavored sugar cookies with a orange flavored glaze and my favorite raisin filled rounds that melted in the mouth. Mom baked but her true talent was found in mealtime comfort food. Her meatloaf and pot roast are memories that I have yet to be able to reproduce or maybe I actually have and they lack her jokes to be perfect. Beef Stew and mac and cheese just mentioning those words fills my mind wit memories of petite tornado that was my mom. I have inherited her love of coffee, kitchens, sardonic humor but not her love of house work.

Before I leave this page , I have to mention The Old Black Witch books of my girls' childhoods. They loved the pumpkin bread chick full of raisins and nuts baked in one pound coffee cans and the cranberry bread recipes featured in the series. While the oldest more an outdoor gal as she grew up, all three are good cooks but I do not remember teaching them. Genes, observation and 4h must have done the deed.

If you want recipes, I will share,or you could read te books.



Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Frustration is thinking everything is going right and realizing it isn't. My aran went to error land this pm. Actually probably did it earlier but i caught it tonight. So it is off the needles and my frustration level is not doing well as i can feel the level rising. Still I plan on staring it over tomorrow. I will get it going. Anyway knitting is another life lesson, you can always pick up and going forward is a possibility in any situation when life is off the needles. Do have my sock to the point it needs to be for Saturday's class, the back of the PERN is done and the other sock is ready for the gusset.

It is Tuesday of spring break and i realized I have to go get my plates for 2013-- another chore for tomorrow. Also Wednesday is the hump day and the break will wind down. Monday we start over in school and have four weeks to polish off the year ten four weeks off until college classes start if they make. If they do not fill I will have four months off before I teach again. I may get used to not having anything to do or a set schedule. A taste of coming full retirement and I am sure It is near maybe one year; maybe 2.

Easter is a season of new beginnings-- a new start granted to us by one man's willingness to give His life for all of ours.He bore the pain our errors when we went off the pattern and had to reset the stitches of our lives. It was a great gift and I for one am grateful.



Monday, March 25, 2013

Celebrate Waffle Day with a waffle frolic. The waffle is descended from the oublie, a flat cake cooked between two hot plates and stamped with a crucifix, used in the celebration of the Eucharist. Sometime in the 13th century, a craftsman forged the plates in a honeycomb pattern; in Holland, the resulting cake was called a wafel. The word appeared in America in 1744, when a lady wrote to a friend, after a supper party: "I was not a little grieved that so luxurious a feast should have come under the name of a wafel frolic." Thanks Susan Albert Wittig for the new thoughts for today Marc 25-waffle day.

New perspectives? How many times has this phrase been needed in life. I know my life has been made up of new perspective several times. My family moved often so my grade school years were at three schools and high school and college were at two. I have taught in three states, studied in Arkansas and England, married, motherhood and divorce. Each one caused me to shift focus and priorities and step forward into the unknown. Scary yes but the treasures found along the way were immense. Tree daughters who with their families are the core of my life though we do not live in each other's pocket. Memories of events that can still warm the inner spirit and learning that no one can take away. My life is richer because of the step off from the comfort and known into a new perspective.

I used to worry and fret when a new slant on life presented itself. I do less of that now. About 1992 driving back from Nebraska and a visit to my mother who never once called me by my name( I was Sara, my daughter or Anna Mae, her sister,) I hit a snowstorm that matched the the storm of tears in my eyes. Then suddenly the ditches were full of deer-- the white tailed variety that see cars as hurdles to be jumped. Then the God moment came and I said OK you have me here God. You are in charge. since that day I have not fretted over what ifs in life. Yes I worry but I do not stress and fret about the facts that I cannot change. He is in charge and I follow doing what I can and then letting go so He can.


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Snow last night; sun today. Moisture for the dry earth of my chosen state. not much here but western Kansas and the Nebraska border lands had a real downfall.So once again He shows us that he can care, but I fear the summer heat which mimics the heat of his wrath.Yet his plans for us are always good if not easy to understand or endure.

The vikings on the history channel has an avid viewer in me and also the Bible. What interests me is the Christianity of the latter side by side with the brutality and paganism of the former. A contrast to be sure and both are great viewing. The Bible retells familiar tales and well enacted but somehow lacks the passion and presentation of the Vikings. Perhaps the Vikings attracts me as it is a rendition of the era that rings true and one that is unknown to us. The Bible also rings true do not misread me but at times, it seems serene and calm. Not a bad thing but the bloody swords of the Vikings clashing is more energetic. Cecil De Mille's epics may not have been accurate to text but they exuded passion and drama. One felt part of the tale, and in this new rendering that power to feel part of it is for me anyway lacking.

So I need to get to the needles and work on something. Much of it has to wait until Tuesday when I will steek and spend most of t day in the shop getting ufo's in line to finish,and some rows on the aran. Tomorrow te shop is closed so house and papers are the target. Will also get some naps in and some writing other tan this.

Writing now there's an item. Today on CBS' Sunday morning they had a segment on a 71 year old erotic romance write. she plans her scenes with the use of barbie dolls to see if what she writes is possible. Hmmm! Her publisher and she insist te story is more important than the sex but the samples she read put much emphasis on the words. Porn or erotic romances what is the difference? Should I try this genre? After all according to the report several writers earn a million or more a year. Not to brag I think I could do as well as 50 shades in the writing as being an English prof I should have better style but do I want to be remembered for that?

Dogs are settled. time to check email and work on some other writings.










Saturday, March 23, 2013

Ok I should have gone to the grocery store yesterday. The cupboard here is a mother hubbard clone at the moment Now it is colder and some spotty precip going on. Really, I had a good excuse---dog groomer and her van were due at the house. So now I have clean but hungry dogs. Cheerios and yogurt for them and coffee for me.

Actually her visit and nice weather combined so I got the car dejunked. Funny how it can fill with yarn, sweaters and various other items. somewhat spiffier now. Just hope I did not toss something I will need later. Tat is so easy to do. But until that OMG moment happens te car is nicer than it has been. Also used the shark steam mop for the first time. Floors look good and it was just a quick try out run and i know bugs are killed. Am sure this will be a once a week routine.

Spring break has begun and it can snow if it wants to but hope it holds off the heavy stuff until after mass on Sunday as I lector at early mass. Nothing much planned but a lot of reading, knitting, and just quiet no rush living. I am so greateful tat the juco and the high school have break at the same time. It is a God thing in my life.

D2's orange, teal and black beanie is n the mail. Tuesday i steek the fair isle sweater and voila a cardigan! ave entrelac to get back too and socks to finish. Yes socks actually have 2 on the needles so I may finish a pair in this week. Teacher Marlo will be happy and I will be amazed. Big knit project this week is my Multicabled Aran sweater. Have nine ropws done and want to get more done so I can see it bloom. It is a Starmore pattern. I love her stuff and norah guaghan"s. I hope to take a Beth Reisel-Brown gurnsey workshop but I have her dvd if I can not get it done. Tat is my next pattern to attempt for the challenge of it. About to cast on a sweater for a baby due in July.

So now to venture out to get supplies in case it is a bad one. The dogs are sleeping so I will let them lie.(snicker here). Later.




Friday, March 22, 2013

Last day of classes before Spring Break. Notice the capitals. I am as ready as the students for the ease of no tests, no classes, and idle time. Our seniors are doing Senior Presentations and the smarter ones to my mind have scheduled theirs for before the break. But most are going after the break and I hear both staff and students bemoaning the unfinished but required research for the project. Procrastination is never good--- and judging is basically faculty this year. That means no little old ladies to be impressed by cute decorations or the fact the student is related to their bingo pal so the judging may be a little harder. Some have only 1 judge listed. If I were a senior,I would hope beyond all limits that i had 2 judges to balance the outcome. This is new this year and we will see out it goes.

The weathermen are all over the map---slight flurries today, big dump over the weekend or vice-versa. Whatever is sent we need the moisture and i have no have to night driving this week so it can come. I am to lector at 8:00 AM mass Sunday, so my hope is our moisture gift is fairly light. Moisture is a gift in Kansas lately. recently we have had snow and rain but the drought is not broken yet. Therefore wetness is welcome in any form.

Tuesday I will finally steek my fair isle sweater which means I will cut my knitting to make the tube into a cardigan. It works. I have even cut stitches in a good friend's steek but I still get chills when I realize it is my sweater's turn. Steeking is like life it has to be done to make the sweater useable but it causes fear just as in life stepping into the new can cause fear. Once done the steek creates more beauty and in life taking that step can make all the difference.

My life has been "steeked "several times. Mother hood was a big step and it is still steeking as each new level of the relationship is revealed. Divorce was more of a rip than a steek but the aftermath has left me stronger and need I say happier. Teaching is also like motherhood a constant process so the steeking of living goes on.

There are other knitting terms that can be metaphors for life. Binding off for ending eras or relationships. casting on for new relationships etc but one that speaks to me is trust the pattern.Make that trust HIM because He works in wonderful ways just as all the twists and turns of an Aran cable pattern creates beauty in a sweater do not
always seem to work in the first repeats. The result if you trust will create something worthwhile.



Thursday, March 21, 2013

So here I am after an absence of weeks. I so need to be here. writing and knitting are my release valves and I have needed to write.Was it lack of inspiration? No excuse there as my teaching daily inspires me in some way and can equally cause me to question am I doing it correctly. I know that seems a paradox but I do want to do it well. Maybe that is why after all these years I am still challenged and still seeking. I know that teaching the same thing in the same way for years has never been my style. I teach the same material but not same lesson plan.

Spring break is next week from both schools and I am like all my co-workers looking forward to it. No particular plans are made but in the days off I hope to clean the car, house, reorganize my stash and finish at least two "ufo's" now on my needles. Then I am going to write and veg. Hope the emphasis is on the former rather than the latter.

This is brief but I vow to do better. Right now I have to review my plans for French today.