Humans always think they have more time. I will travel, I will write, I will spend more time after. After what? We know we have an expiration date but we avoid thinking about it. The act of ignoring it deprives us of many goals and relationships. How many times have you heard the words , I wish had said I love you more or I had gone to ?.

In 1986 my desire to see England and Paris overcame my reluctance . So off I went with two of my three girls and six students. I may have regretted that my now ex- husband would not leave the states, but I have never regretted the decision. Since that date I have led student tours and travelled on my own and each one has enriched me. The trips have opened new understandings of ancient history, of different cultures and the richness of life itself.

Writing has always been part of me but family and work kept me from it. Then one day the dam broke and I have been at it ever since. Some of my work has been in regional publications and other writings have been in the three newspapers that I have worked for in three states. Now I blog semi-regularly about whatever strikes my fire on that day. Fame is not my goal but the use of words to flow smoothly and to avoid clichéd phrasing constantly urges me on.

Relationships are oddities. This past week ,while in London, I spent a day with a pal of forty years. We talked from moment one with no hesitation. True friendship is like that. With others conversations are more guarded; everyone knows those. Age does not determine the strength of these contacts. It is a matter of time and the willingness to stop other things to write the letter, make the call, to just be and be there.

My marriage has been over longer than it was. I do not regret the end, but I regret the sense of family it destroyed. Still it gave me three wonderful daughters and grandchildren. Oops cannot leave out the greats either. He is a good man and he was a good man. Still I am stronger and content within myself since the end. I forgave him and myself and so no longer spend time in bitter memories and whys.

As an only child, my parents knew my love. Yes, like all teens there were angry times but I knew their love and I truly feel they knew mine. I was in the room when each one passed and the word rend became acutely real. But I am content that they knew before they left me that I would miss them and I find I still do at times.
So what am I saying? I live in the present, reflect only on past joys, and do not long for what might be. I let go and let God trite as that sounds. It works for me.