Sometimes you can not win. Just five minutes trying to insert a picture to this blog and nada. So it may have to wait.
Just wanted to wish everyone a happy remembrance of the season. Personally I will have a quiet Christmas Eve and Day. The big event is Buddy's wedding on the 28th so there will be a quick trip to Nebraska.Then home to ponder decisions and more decisions.
So to all you you best wishes.

three magi

My Three Magi


Yesterday, as I prepared to lector at mass, my eyes kept looking at the three nearly life sized magi in the crèche scene. Each king brought a gift that held a special significance for the Christ Child. I began to recall the gift bearers in my life, my parents, special teachers, friends and even my ex-husband had given me gifts that had helped shaped me as person. Yet there were others who had given me, not an outright gift but a road to know the gift Christ had given me my faith. My three magi were three priests who had influenced my life and brought to a deeper faith.
The first of my magi was a priest from the East just as the original magi journeyed from the East. Father Kazmerck was a Pennsylvania born priest serving in a Nebraska parish. In fact, he and my mother had grown up in neighboring parishes and perhaps this is why Mom placed me in school at St. T’s. Rather than another public school when she disapproved of the plan to advance two grade levels. At any rate St’s became my grade school and Father Kaz entered my life. I can not honestly recall ever seeing the man in a cassock or black suit. His usual attire was a Hawaiian shirt and khaki slacks, but one never forgot he was priest despite the usual attire. His laughter and his optimistic view of life’s ups and downs were products of a deep faith. Parishioners in the working class church were never afraid to approach the man and now I wonder if his clothing made it easier.

Kaz was unconventional in other ways. He allowed me to be in the catechism class though Mom was no longer catholic. He accepted the fact that my Saturdays would be spent at Lutheran religious classes. To him Faith was the first step, and it did not seem to matter to him what rite I would later follow. Not once was I allowed to feel different from any student in the school. I was one of his flocks. That was his gift to me was acceptance of me as a child of God and worthy of his love. His faith in me to find faith in myself was his gift to my life. To this day I do not judge a person by labels but how they treat others.

My second of my magi was from east also—Eastern Europe. He had come from the behind the Iron Curtain. His belief was not welcome in his homeland; in fact, it was dangerous. Tall and thin he was the opposite of Father Kaz. His cassock was full length and so starched that one could imagine cutting yourself on its edges. The berretta was never off his head except in the classroom or the chapel. Where Kaz seemed lax about dogma and canonical law, Father Ritz was a stickler on form. My classmates I am sure altered their Friday confessions based on who was on the other side of the screen. Father Ritz made sure you prayed your sins away while Kaz covered a multitude of sins with a Hail Mary or two.
Still he gave me an insight to the quality of faith. Here was a man who had seen persecution because he was a priest and a man who lived his faith. He wanted my conversion when the rest of my class was confirmed at age twelve. He never said it out loud but his attitude toward me indicated that hope. His strictness scared me and I often pushed his buttons during the religious instruction he led. It was this belief and the sight of seeing him pray alone in the basement chapel that taught me the value of having a faith that shaped your decisions in life. His faith so deep, and so personal made me see the value of having faith.
The third of my magi came later in life. Floundering after a divorce and finding little or no comfort in my church, the local priest invited me to mass. He was serving with me on a drug prevention council and somehow he sensed my lack of faith. Not wanting to say no, I went the next Sunday. Suddenly I was spiritually home. Maybe it was all the childhood training at St. T’s but I believe it was an answer to a call. At any rate, I began RCIA training encouraged but not pushed by this caring priest. I have never looked back from that moment at that mass. His simple invitation was a gift. H e gave me the gift of a spiritual home where my faith could bloom and fill my spirit.
The magi brought gifts of significance to the Christ Child and my magi brought me gifts also. The gifts were not costly but they were rich in blessings.

fall friday---balance

It is October"s first Friday and it is a fall day. In my area of the country it could still be the 90s or snowing in blizzard fashion. Today how is cool and silver in color. No golden light from the sun to dispel the Puritan simplicity of the weather. I am one of the few who love this cool, cloudy atmosphere. In fact I actually prefer the temperatures that are below 80 but above 30. Rarely does a coat adorn my body until it is below the 30 mark and then often I don the protection only if it is blowing. Sorry sun lovers this is me and I am sticking to it.

Elizabeth Lowell I believe wrote a poem celebrating the silvery landscape of her native New England and how it mirrored her Puritan soul. While the words do not stay in my mind the spirit of the poem does. She is saying I believe that life should be simple and very balanced --- neither a blaze of brilliant color blazing through all life has to offer or deep ebony and jet denying any pleasure. Silver is a balance of the two extremes and that is the way i choose to live. Yes, there are crimson and orange moment s of emotional highs at times and there are times noir is the only word that fits but for the most part life is in a balanced state between the two extremes.

Balance allows me to have time to savor the joys of life and to adapt to its sorrows. It gives the emotional stability to change what needs to be changed and to treasure what remains. It gives me time to create and to enjoy what others create. Ir is harmony which is a good ting in both music and life. So silver is my color choice for everyday life that allows be rise to the brightness of joy and comforts me in the darkness of sorrow.

Odd thoughts are scampering around the interior of my mind Want an example? Two nights ago I woke up wondering if you died suddenly would you know it was death? Think about it one minute you are breathing and the next you are not. So is there a nano second you realize what is happening? if you are ill for weeks or longer you know death is coming; maybe the exact moment but as the onset is taking longer might it actually be more of a "life" event? Will you hover over the remains thinking that was me; now what. Morbid morning thoughts that occupied my thoughts for awhile.

Second oddment of day is why do I hate grocery shopping? Is it the money spent? NO! I think it is the actual act of going to the store and pushing the cart. I actually try to avoid it , and whenI do go, no Walmart huge store trek for me. I even avoid the larger Dillons( spelled Krogers) in my home town by shopping at its smaller store. In order to cut down on trips during school months when free (writing) time is rare and snatched, I order 12 meals a month from two local ladies ,The Sunflower Supper club. Two times a month they deliver six frozen meals to which I can add a salad or not. Today I went to bountiful baskets for the first times. I got carrots, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, honey dew. granny smith apples, peaches, plums. lemons, pomegrantes,and bananas for a minimal fee. 7AM pickup is tough at they close at 7:30. Everything not picked up plus extras goes to a local fire house for free. The quality was good and while you do not have a choice, it means the produce department is a miss. It is a twice a month event.

Third thought is why do things happen. One of my dearest pals has been diagnosed in the early stages of the"A" disease. She is beautiful, intelligent, and ten years younger than I am. A good mind and a elfin spirit is being slowly erased. Such sadness when I dwell even for a moment on it. Yet, I must admit ( despite my bad typing) I am glad that it is not me. Compassion and guilt for my relief are mingled today as she moves away from her teaching family to be closer to her mother and sisters.

So my mind is swirling with odd unrelated thoughts. I will leave it here and ponder the possibilities

contained chaos

Picture day at the school always means that for one day students are in flux during class to get id photos done. This means teachers have to teach parts of lessons twice but there are always some students who miss all or a major part of the lesson. Today however the intercom is not working so we send the entire class at one time--all juniors in one hour. Less coming and going but empty classrooms for that hour in some areas. So lesson plans are pushed back, altered and chaotic but normal will return tomorrow.

Chaos has been this week---- not busy but not organized either. Meds were a two trip process because clerk did not look deep enough in the "D" basket. Tuesday was peer edit in the college class and one student said I do not have it done. She was astonished when I said it will be done when you leave class tonight. High school students in night class need to learn college is college and excuses are not taken unless perhaps you have died and resurrected.Forgot an appointment last night while I held Scholars"bowl practice so that has been pushed off until tonight which makes the plans for tonight run later, and the rest of the week does not look much better. Life is interesting.

So I have not touched the memoir since Sunday and that was short on the amount i usually try to write. Herb Lore seems to be in limbo but ideas are percolating through the morass of my mental state. Both will gain pages and words in the next three days.Saturday will be a writing day from noon on the morning is busy. Sunday I lector at mass and am a sponsor for a student at National Honor Society induction( honored that the student asked me to do it)so writing will be hit and miss but it will get done.

Evenings this week have been spent with the Roosevelts. What a fascinating family. I read the book Franklin and Eleanor, and this series on PBS is adding to my knowledge. It is a major time drain but worth it. So this has added to the chaos as that is my writing life and the need for order is building. I will get this done.

2 weeks later

So it has been tow weeks. Chalk it up to the return of a scheduled format for my life. Yes, folks school has begun. We began teachers meetings on the 22nd ,and I am readjusting to having a set routine. I function well with a set format but after our long summer ( it began in late April) it is a bit of a shock. Perhaps that is why I am tired at 8 and asleep by ten, awake at 4 and not really able to go back to sleep. Change is good right?

Change has come also in the fact I now teach 10-3:30 rather than 8-2. I find myself still ready to leave the house by six. That will have to change ,and it will. I will probably be there around 9:30 most days. Yet I am beginning to realize it may take a few weeks to get it straight.

Life is full of changes. Jobs come and go. People drift in and out. You move house or town. Habits change because of health or economic decisions. Some People find change difficult, they fight it and resolve it only after much heartache and strife. I am not one of those. My childhood made sure of that. Dad's jobs moved us--Ohio to Nebraska-to Missouri and back to Nebraska. We lived in four Nebraska towns and I added another with marriage. Since then I have moved on my own to South Dakota and Kansas( two towns in that state.) My career has been teaching for the main part but I have been a pizza server,a reporter for three papers , a stay at home mom which I loved and even an Avon lady. I have taught English and AP English, Spanish, French.Speech,and debate. Change could well be my middle name.

Flexibility is a helpful trait and it will coming in the future. The changes may not be my choice when they come. I am at the age when things will end--- work, driving, independent living. Not happy thoughts but my prayer is that I can accept them as they come and not rail against them as my Mother did. My father was ill the last years of his life and this hot tempered man became a gentle soul who accepted life and lived it as it came. Two models to follow and it is my hope I choose the latter. I loved both parents but never do I want to stress my girls the way Mom stressed her family.

Now today is a change. Living near the state fairgrounds this week has been tough since I moved here. Concerts blare for ten days , and parking is nonexistent and even my drive has been used. Cattle rigs run my quiet street as it is a path to the animal entrance. I never attend the fair as crowds are a big bugbear for me. This year there is change. First the city extended the no park zone so no one can park n front of my house and then I am going to be at the fair from 1-5 today.It is a sign of my dedication to removing our president governor from office that I and a friend are manning a booth in support of his opponent. Change can be good and perhaps create good.

ok it is Saturday and hot

I am in exile. The heat is keeping me inside. I just do not function well when it much over 85 so triple digit temperatures can actually destroy my mental attitude. So I was up and out early this AM. BreaKfast at Brewed Awakening was a belgian waffle and then off to the big Dillons. I do not go there often--- too many temptations. Home before 9:30 and now I only venture out to help Boba potty. Zoe and Winston go out the door, and come back quickly to plop by the nearest a/c vent. Believe me I understand.

Thursday and Friday were pre-school meetings and so will next week. The keynoter on bullying made us think and may be rethink some of our precepts. Enjoyed him immensely. I think this will be a good year and next year Buhler High will be 100 years old. Nowhere near as old as Eton and Harrow but old for our much younger Country.

This is short. I will try for a longer one but today is other writing, bill paying etc.

two days until

Two days or rather what is left of today and all of tomorrow then it is back to a daily set routine. I will be teaching from 10 AM to 3:30 plus one night class this semester. In October I will pick up another night class until December. I am ready to go back. Yes, age wise retirement should be my goal but the classroom makes me alive. So back I go until the kids no longer relate to me;so far that luckily has not happened.

Also a daily routine gives me a focus. that means I am less likely to stay up all night to read a book which I did last night.Summer is a relaxed "me"time but to be truthful I am to push myself to accomplish anything.During the school year the routine gives me boundaries and I use my free time better. maybe this is true for others?

Friday is memoir session 2. Never sure how many people will be there but it is a fun night for me. It is my firm belief that we all have a story to tell and a memoir is a way to tell it. While some may say life or my life is ordinary,
but in truth no one not even identical twins will see things exactly the same. Telling your story leaves a legacy for your family and perhaps for more people than that. Watching people write their story , helping them do it , and seeing the result excites my mentor soul.

Speaking of memoir I am in the throes of writing mine. No extreme dysfunction such as drugs, alcohol or abuse exists so it is more a collection of the funny and sad events that were relived around the supportable when the family gathered. It amazes me how one memory spurs another and a pattern emerges. Also questions arise and only some of them can be answered. So I am seeing my life, my relatives, and my friends in a new light and realizing while my life is not dramatic it is and has been incredibly rich. When done I will see that each of my girls gets a copy and even perhaps each of their children so they will see what makes me up. Still a caution if you try this route, remember we see things through our own filters and that influences how the story is told. Make sure your potential readers understand that.

Enough for now. I have set a daily goal for my memoir and/or fiction work and I must get to it. Later readers.

karma

Amazing as it may seem small things can hurt deeply and often those things are done with no real intent. Aye as the Scots say I know that sometimes they are done with the intent to hurt, but I prefer to think that most times they are not. Still I am growing scab tissue at the moment over a small event that robbed me of a bit of joy last night. Being a survivor, it will not hurt long but after so many little ones , I tend to grow cold toward to those who deal the blows. Now I forgive them because it heals me me even they are unaware of being forgiven.. Carrying the anger inside me only hurts me and though I am not bitter,I will not put myself in that position again.

However, it really rankles me when a friend is hurt and the hurt was intentional. How can people be so snarky and especially when it serves no purpose and is patently untrue. It reveals more about the doer than the one it was done to. What is worse in this case is that the I would never had guessed the person who did it could be so small and so openly mean besides the fact the statement was a bold faced lie.

There is something dark in all of us. Something dwells within our deepest soul that wants to lash out with petty pointed barbs aimed at hurting someone else. Admit it there have been times when the sharp retort or the sly innuendo has been just ready to jump out of your mouth;it is true of me also. It is part of the human genome but something stops us. It stops us if we want to live with ourselves-- if we do not want to rue the act and its results. Animals attack and it is the ability to control the lurking meanness in our system that raises us above the snap and snarl. We can reason and estimate the results of our actions. Choosing not to do something so petty makes our lives better.

The Lakota have the medicine wheel which says that what you put out into the world comes back to you in some way. The Hindus I think call it karma. So essentially if you do good, good will come to you and often more than you put out there. So far I have found this to be true, and so to be petty, be snarky, and to hurt by intent or carelessness is daring fate to really lift your buns in the air with a navy kick and some serious pain. No, thank you. I try my damnest to not do the ""little thing"". I do not care to have it come back at me. It is not easy as sarcasm is my talent , and I have to work at it. It helps to remember if you have to bring someone down to feel better or bigger yourself the action says more about you than it does about your victim. And on that note enough said.

a bit in the evening.

So I have a webpage. Techy I am in Yoda speak but I am not really. Wix made it easy, and now I feel semi-professional. tree s a storyteller website and FB page. What will one next? Actually next is a memoir writing workshop on the 22nd of this month at Studio 13 in Hutchinson,KS. it is the second and I am hoping for a bigger turnout but love doing it for any number. It spurs my own memoir and that as The Martha says so often is a good thing.

Dogs have retire for the night. At about eight the head for their kennels and Winston whines to go to his bed in my room. he goes in and then comes out to stare me down. Snorts and returns to the bedroom only to repeat the action. I may have mentioned this before but I get such a bang out of it. All three will come to the bathroom with me if the door is not shut tightly and if it is all three are lying near when I emerge. Honestly it takes me back to the years when the girls were all under ten and privacy for Mom was a non-thing.

Lunch tomorrow with a fellow teacher--- a much needed girl time so we can touch base before the school year begins. School started in Hutchinson today for real but Buhler will not get the full student load until Sept fourth. Teacher meetings begin next week for Buhler and my night college classes begin the 26th. This year my classes at Buhler are form 3rd hour to 7th. So things will be a bit different.

Going to end this now. winston just came running form the bedroom , tail( if he had one) between his legs. Boba is being vocal. Wonder what set all this off, but winston is glued to me right now. Did it lightening and I miss it? At any rate even though it is early I have been sleeping until about 1 or 1:45 when I come awake and am awake until 3 or 4. Have not idea why this is happening, but it makes for a short night. so tonight I am going to read later than ususal and see if i can sleep the night through. I promise to post some memoir shorts tomorrow. Until then tata.

website: http:// kspaloma.wix.com/the-muse-meanders

gratitude

This is one of the writing prompts of my online group this month and it brings to mind many things. Caution semi rant coming here.

Thank you notes, where are they? One of my memories is writing thank yous with Mom standing over my shoulder to supervise. It is hard to say thank you sincerely for footed pajamas at fourteen when they were packed with a little golden book and a stuffed animal, but Mom made sure I wrote a thank you even if all I could say was “It was nice you thought of me.” Now if I get a thank you I spend some time considering whether I should frame it. Even a thank you face to face is tough to come by, and somehow makes the gift seem more like an expected donation than something I spent time shopping for and delivering. Oh well, this battle is probably lost.

On a positive note the gratitude I feel for small kindnesses cannot be measured. The pal who uses messenger to talk to me in real time, the phone call to see if we can have coffee, the compliment on a blouse, all these little things lift me. They cannot be taken for granted; they are the happy bonuses of everyday life. How can the givers be thanked? A smile and saying thank you works but a return of the compliment, call or message is another way of saying this means so much.

Spiritual gratitude is a daily part of my life. The house I live in, the food I eat, and the clothes I wear are all gifts. Yes, I work to earn them but the health, the intelligence and the desire to work are gifts from the power of the universe. The serenity of my soul comes from my belief that when I can no longer move the mountains that block my way, He will do it for me. So I say thank you daily.

thoughts/

Well like the Terminator, I am back. It is Sunday, and frankly,I have been having a lazy day. Dana and KK were here, and we ran,ran, and ran some more. ( notice the Oxford comma LoL )Actually we were scouting out a project which may have to wait.Still we squeezed in some serious sight seeing, shopping scoping out project ideas, and morning coffee at Brewed Awakening. As a finale we went to Guardians of the Galaxy at 10:17 Thursday night because Zoe had a photo session with Gale Wall for her forever homes project. Busy week therefore I decided to do nothing major this weekend. Monday is the start of preschool cleaning and preparations. Teachers begin the 22nd and students ( all grades) come into the schools on the 3rd of September which is my birthday. A good present as the students keep me young and connected to the world outside of books and my own writing.

So many of my years have been behind a desk. It is never easy to do the job well but it is one of the most rewarding of careers. The instant a student understands a concept being presented is so fulfilling. He/she has it, and you have done your job. The reward is instant. The students come and go, but there are always the ones who touch your life and surprises when you find out how you touched one life and did not know it. These are the real rewards of the teacher's life. Money and riches may be nice( as a teacher this may never be a concept I will know),but being a part of someone's life, being recalled as a positive thing can never be bad.

The writer is slowly replacing the teacher in me. I enjoy it and others who read my work seem to like it. That is another blessing. Hopefully I will be able to do a good job on the projects under way. Will Put some of it on here. But now it is time for coffee. have a good day

hallie home maker has taken over

While eating lunch I got asked why I was playing earth mother. they referring to yesterday's jam making. Maybe it was the cool weather or maybe it was the cook book LITTLE JARS; BIG FLAVORS. Never mind , it was still cool today. The result was pickled carrots, strawberry basil jam and black plum( well, I was short on plums so I threw in blueberries) jam made with cardamon. The house is redolent with the herby smell. Oh by the way I set a recipe of dana's no knead bread to rise in the am and it is made with white flour the recipe calls for. so my inner homemaker ( let's call her Hallie) has overtaken my life. Have a peach bourbon jam I want to try and a plum port one also. May be a day or so before i can get Hallie to recede and let Mary the storyteller out again. Hope the weather holds.

Becca's wedding dress arrived. It looks beautiful. Thinking the internet is the way to go on these things. Cheaper by far than David's and so dang pretty and she says it fits well. I am glad for her. October 11th will come soon.

Dana is officially on vacation and is coming down here for part of it. Will have to spend tomorrow cleaning. Mybe i better keep Hallie around a bit.

cool weather jam

Today's cool weather kicked my suzy homemaker gene into gear. Results a loaf of Dana Stabenow's no knead bread and blueberry strawberry jam. Actually it was to be raspberry-blackberry but I used what I had on hand. Tastes scrumptious and all 7 jelly jars sealed. The bread was made with whole wheat flour not white but it is flavorable with the crisp crust and good texture inside. Tomorrow coolness is predicted yet again so strawberry basil is on the docket, as well as air freshener with a vodka and essential oil base and a black plum coriander jam. Thursday will be house cleaning. There is also a pickled carrot recipe to try and a bourbon peace jam.

So of course, not much writing happened. That is the evening activity. I have promised myself that I will do at least a page per day. Well, I did write up the material for the iron horse sculpture and sent it off to John for approval. Guess I did write after all -- just not on the memoir. Oh well, it was my decision, and I am living with it.

This morning I enjoyed a chat with Miss Juanita at Brewed Awakening. She is a rather new person in my circle and I truly enjoy talking to her. Topics range from books, baking, children to faith. Today we hit all of these. What a joy to share with her,and she is the very embodiment of a gentlewoman. I wish I could be so ladylike. I feel rough edged around her but am so glad she tolerates it.

Dana and KK are coming this weekend for a week. We were going to Colorado to visit CECE but CECE is in Nebraska as she needs to be close to her doctor with this pregnancy. Then we considered a trip to the Grand Canyon but time and money rather nixed that for this year considering we are all saving for Europe in 2015. Then a one day run at Branson came up but we are staying here---Cosmosphere, Stratca, junking ( shopping in odd stores) won out. If they make it in time , there is a house concert Sunday at 3. I enjoy these visits. They break up my routine.

Dogs are shutting down already. They are definitely not nocturnal hunters--- sin begins to go down and they find some place to lay. Zoe goes to the couch or her box, Winston is near mess he can protest my petting one of the others. and Boba will lay so he can make eye contact if he is in the same room. As it gets darker they begin to snore, they are kenneled by dusk and Winston wants his big pillow bed in my bedroom. He goes in and comes out to look for me until I give in and go in to read. They regulate my life.

Time to write on the memoir. Until tomorrow.


Air Freshener
8 oz each lavendar and bergamot essential oil
1/2 cup each water and vodka
put in mister bottle and use.


bread recipe on Dana Stabenow's website

wondering and writing

Today has been a writing day. Yep, i have been on the key board working. First project, a write up of Iron Horse John Lopez's first hybrid for the coffee table book we are doing. John is letting me see how his mind works whether he is aware of it or not. What a chance to share a creation with an ex- student whose sculptures are in various parts of our nation. Each small write up for the accompanying sculpture picture is a moment of achievement. Really like the fact that I can do this with some ease, Oh I have to mull over various aspects of the material, but the sculpture is the starting point plus John's input. I write it , edit it and rewrite an email it to him for approval.

The memoir is another matter. First there are stories to sketch out, people to describe, conversations to recall and so on. After messing with this off and on, a retreat at Linda Hasselstrom's Windbreak House brought it more into focus. So now I have a format--- before there was me, childhood stories, adult moments are working titles for the sections. what has come to light is that Dad's family was unusually close mouthed and once something was lived it was over with no need to talk about it. Is this the depression era mentality as my ex- husband's family was very similar? Very few table tales form either group. Now my mother's was almost too open; so stories abound. Dad's before me is basically done, On to Mom's stories. This book is good for me and may only be read by family but that will be enough.

Memoir's are tricky. The truth as I recall an event may not be how someone else recalls it. This was evident when i sat listening to stories at my Aunt Anna Mae's table. The story reported the basic facts, the viewpoint of the story teller change the details, the tone and sometimes even the ending. So for those who read these stories, remember they are from my viewpoint as I saw them or heard them. Read them with this in mind and enjoy.

Of course, I am writing this blog. I really do not know my readers but audience members have been from Germany, Poland, France and China as well as the good ole USA. At times it is a rant on the world, sometimes it is an attitude count your blessing adjustment but more often it it just musings like today. Over 5000 views on the 180 posts amazes me.Thank you for reading and feel free to comment on it. I can read French and Spanish and guess at German.

Next up on word is Herb Lore a fiction piece I have been working on for several years on a come and go basis. Now I have decided to really spend some time on each day and may be actually finish it. Also thinking about a book featuring my three fur footed live ins. so yes writing occupies me.

sunday

Woke up at 5 to rain and dogs who needed to potty The sky theater was going full blast with lightening but not too many thunder boomers. So Yes, I went back to bed because I had gone to mass last night but could not go to sleep. Karma, I guess.
Sundays are lazy days for me when I do not plan much or if I do plan it is a day of small indulgences. This Sunday is one of those small "gifts to me today" day. Some shoe shopping and a movie,and some online school clothes shopping as there are few stores in town with clothing for me and I do not like to drive to shop when I do not have an exact needs list. Also writing, there is always writing and finishing up the grading of my summer class. Did I say lazy?

One project I am really enjoying is working on a book with an ex- student. John has grown up into a real art career and he has sculptures in several states. He started in bronze but now does hybrid sculpture using discarded iron parts and other metal objects.It will be a coffee table book of his work with descriptions of his works and how or why he did them.

The memoir is going forward but somewhat slowly as I sift through the tales heard around the tables as I grew up and the ones I lived myself. Interesting but at times overwhelming. Still it is going to get done. This is a legacy I want for my family because these stories reveal the people who made the family. No real scandals but some really funny stories and some real quirky characters.

Also have a couple of fiction in pieces that I am working on. They are fun and because outlines keep me from actually writing ,their development can be surprising. I admire those who do the outline and then move forward but if I do that the story never develops as I am engrossed in the task of outlying and re-outling. work habits are really personal things.

When school takes up I will begin house clear out room by room and try to get things done so I can make plans on whether or not to list my House. Probably won't but the clear out will be good anyway. this means re-organizing my yarn stash, books clothes and the oddments that one collects by living. Now to enjoy Sunday.

for my students

This picture has a lot of me in it--- a dog and a teacher's desk. Both are lifelong loves of mine. I have always been a teacher. Even as a child it was my favorite game and it is and has been my profession for countless years. I have taught while I raised a family, helped run a pizza place and written for three local newspapers. But teaching has always been number 1 after my girls. It is how I define myself and I like to think those years behind the desk have mattered.

Recently, I have been leading some memoir workshops. That is really a pleasant teaching moment as I watch others begin to share their story. Also at the present a memoir is my work in progress. Digging up the stories of my family and putting them down for my girls and their families to share. Not easy to organize or to write at times but rewarding in the end. Also I am about to begin work with John Lopez on putting together a coffee table book featuring his sculptures and the stories behind them. What an honor to have an ex-student ask me to share in this production.It is such a reward for being behind the desk, and he may never realize how much it means to me.

When I joined Facebook, I thought of it as a way to contact family. It is less family than I hoped ( Most of my family is not computer savvy ,I guess), but within hours ex- students began to contact me. My friend list is full of them.Some I expected as we had connected in the classroom ,but some of the others are ones I thought I had just taught. Now I share their family photos. funny posts and a bit of their lives as they share mine. Little did I realize they would remember me and remember me well enough to be willing to keep in touch this way.

So as I contemplate this year and maybe one more year before I venture into new territory of semi retirement( will still teach at college and do other things.), my heart is full of the fact that I have touched lives in a positive way. It makes all the late nights of planning, grading, catchup reading, all the debate trips, all the play practices, all the cheerleading wrestling trips, the stupid questions, and yes. even the smart a*** answers that make teaching a time sucking career worth the effort. Thank you John, Joanie, Shane, Brain, Abby , Bastian. Caytlin, Kylee, Abby,Amber, Chelle,Dakota and all the others as well as ones I will be teaching this year It has been worth it.

After a week of 70's and 80's,today's 103 is rough. Add in the humidity and there is no need to explain why I have not been out since around noon today. Winston goes to and comes in panting. Short-nosed dogs do not do well in the heat and for that matter black long haired chihuahuas do not do well either. Boba goes out, does his business and begs to come in. Winston being a bullish bulldog sometimes refuses to come in at first but is soon ready. Zoe seems to fare the best or has the most common sense. In the morning she goes out, chases a few bunnies, barks at the neighbors' dogs and comes in. In the afternoon she actually lays on the deck as if sunbathing- sometimes with her tummy up.

Dogs can teach you about life. Sometimes you need to do just what has to be done, Boba style. Other times you have to dig in your heels when faced with a decision until you can make up your mind, Winston style.May be the best way is to pace yourself run when running is good and relax when there is time, Zoe style. Good rules if they are pondered correctly.

Life is unpredictable and we can control only parts of it. When things look perfect, something or somebody throws in a wrench. At other times the decision we made turn outs exactly opposite of what we thought,and this result can be better or worse . Whatever it is, it affects our lives and our relationships until something else arrives to change things.
So we can use the appropriate dog rule from above to choose our reaction to the result. There also is always the over all dog rule if you can not eat it or bury it, pee on it and walk away.

Actually that las one has a lot of truth even if the final action is not a possibility in human terms. Look at life and decisions as something that have to be done. Do it and live it, and then refuse to fret over it . Not easy but it gets easier the more you do it. You can only do so much and worry can not change things. So do what you can, relax and then move on. Things will work out . the old adage that yesterday is over and tomorrow is yet to be holds true. that leaves only today and most of us can do one day at a time pretty dang well. And that is the philosophy for today.

It is an oddly cool day for July today and the weather gurus are saying we will have several days of this. My physical body is happy about it as heat is not my ally, but my spiritual side is in a real uplift pattern. Coolness blesses me in many ways. Now this does not mean housework will be polished off in record time. That is not me but it does mean what gets done will be done with a happy soul. lol

Funny fact, I look at most informercials and say inwardly oh sure it does. Well, I saw one in action at the new Brewed Awakening yesterday and you know what it actually does work and works well. It is the mop with the spinner. I am ready to get one for my wood floors and since the swifter floor jet leaves streaks this will be better. I also have a shark steamer but do not want to steam the wood often. So from now on my inner skeptic will still function but perhaps with a bit less oh yeah attitude.

Tonight is the next to last night of the summer hybrid course I am teaching. It is much better organized than the one used last fall( same course same material) but still needs some adjustment. I hope the students are getting what they need. I am trying my best to do that as well work within the course. so I hope the surveys reflect that.


Plans for the rest of the summer are to write on my memoir and some fiction. Also include a visit from middle daughter and her child in August. I am looking forward to seeing them. They make the effort every so often, and I love it. The road runs both ways, and I go up and stay there so I can visit them and girl number one. Now girl number three and I have to work at being together. I really miss not being as close as I wish with her daughters. Distance is difficult for me but she has a happy life and that is all a mother really wants. All my girls make me proud as each has their own greatness and I am always ready to brag about them and theirs. Parental blinders,we all have them.

Not much else today-- no philosophical thoughts no great events so I will shut down for now and maybe come on later.

Nearly a week and I have not written a word here. It has been an interesting week--- housework done, memoir class done,just a bunch of things. So here I am again. I have decided to try to organize myself for the rest of the summer and that is not easy. I tend to do better when I have "must dos" not just "should dos". Lately I have been trying to support a pal whose life has been a constant rush of musts as she changes her business location. Her head has been spinning and sleep has been lacking as she keeps her present location open and renovates the second one. The end is near and while I can not lift the heavy boxes etc, I will do what I can.Anyone who dares to go for a dream deserves support.

Another pal's husband was gone for 10 days (home now!) Her schedule is busy busy busy with two active kids, and when he is gone ,I am sure she is busier. Yet, there is time for me-- Facebook messaging, potato delivery and deck repair.We teach in the same system and many rooms separate us so how we became close is a wonder. But the wonder is how much her smile and caring has come to mean to me. I hope she feels the same way.

Facebook messaging does funny things. I have two students studying for the priesthood--one in Argentina; one in the USA. But it is odd that one fb pal is a priest who used to my parish priest. When he was here, I enjoyed his homilies which were down to earth and easy to take a lesson from to our daily life. Now I often just message a hello, a question, and an observation and I do not know if he finds me a pest but I take comfort in his answers. He may never know that but his willingness to talk blesses my life.

Relationships enrich our lives. They make us feel comfortable and anchored in our lives. It can be painful when one ends no matter whose fault it is. Recently this has happened to me as I discovered new aspects of a person with whom I was comfortable for several years. Over the past year the personality once so sunny and open has become closed moody and hard to be with. Several pals have noticed this and commented on it. We can not reach the person to help her and the one who should help is part of the problem. The lost hurts but to keep trying is not good for me. I will be there if and when she needs me but can not be there now. Have you been there?

Coffee is done and time to get chores done. more later friends,

windbreak blog

Ok this is a bit of a cheat but here goes and it is not complete. more later.

As I arrive at Windbreak, Linda greets me. No awkwardness reared its ugly head and it was refreshing to realize I know this woman. We met years ago during retreats for teen writing, re-met in Austin this spring and now I am here eager to let her writing wisdom help me become better. It is no easy thing to lay yourself and your work before someone else’s eyes but they do not wear creator’s blinders so the things found can only help.

The silence here is amazing--- no sirens, no police whooping, no children screaming while playing in the summer streets and o music blasting from passing cars or neighborhood porches. I welcome it and I wonder, can I work in it.
There is a storm coming and the alert radio keeps reminding me. I tend not to worry about storms but perhaps I should. The alert seems to say we might be on the edge of the real event.

Supper and discussing life and work. Good conversation can make a person comfortable. I have written six pages, not sure how good they are but they are done. I must remember what is rough can be polished.

The storm is here. Heavy rain, thunder, lightening and thunder play in the prairie sky It is not a dangerous storm—no hail, no tornados. Rather it is a reminder of nature’s might and our inability to change it. So I listen to the rain and love it.

6/28/14
I awoke this morning just as light began to fill the sky. Breakfast is over and I begin my first assignment. Linda will be here at ten. Now I am the student once again. Life has a way of keeping one alert by changing one’s position in the cosmos.

It is now three (MDT) in the afternoon and Linda is gone until the morning. I am left with her comments and ashamed that I have not caught homophonic errors and typos in what she has had to read. Some but probably not most have auto corrections that I did not see. Shall have to be better at that while I am here and going forward. Her comments are right on and she left with the one on my father she prompted at our morning meeting. I need to do one on my mother, which I am finding difficult. Why is this I wonder? When I do get it done perhaps part of that why will be answered.

At any rate coffee beside my plate, I am pondering what to do. Re-work something using her comments or write something new such as the mother sketch, it is my choice. I have time to d both. Where to start? I think I will just drink my coffee and ponder that point for a while. Beside the laptop needs recharging. Any excuse, right?

Laptop is at 97% enough for tonight. It is 5:09 MDT and the sky has darkened. Thunder breaks the silence, and for the second time today rain is on the way. Linda’s event tonight was to be outside. Their plans must change. My writing awaits--- Mom or a re-working. Still undecided but I will try Mom as my supper eggs boil and the thunder rolls outside.

catch up

No excuses. I just haven't been here. A trip to WINDBREAK HOUSE to work on a project with Linda Hasselstrom, teaching the college classes, and one other project that needs working on. I all be back tomorrow or thursday.

friend ship posey--Berneice, Joyce,Karrie Andrea, Stacey a start on the blooms

Woke up this morning thinking of friends and the different blessings they bring to our life, this made me realize that each friendship is just different enough that the entire group is a bouquet of talents that enriches my life,. Their ages differ as due their views on life but each brings a gift that only they can give to me.

Berneice and Joyce are tow of my oldest blooms in the bouquet. Berneice came into my life when I married. she was already wed to one my husband's friends. The mother of two and expecting the third she would be my go to when I needed how to advice after my girls came. Her boys and my girls grew up together, we had New Year's eves at each others homes, we shared coffee times, laughs and yes we shared tears. to this day I feel welcome in her house and her life though miles apart. Her gift to me her support and her ability to support someone who needs it. Her husband was hurt in an accident and his health went dow slowly form that moment. She let him determine the amount of help he needed and gave it to him. when he could no longer work she did.She had low moments I am sure but I bet he never saw them.she is an example to me of what love should be.Shakespeare said love is not love that alteration finds and she did not alter her love though her life altered.

Joyce like Berneice faced life changing factors which many would not accept. She and her husband moved from a comfortable home town for his job to a bigger city. they worked together but her circle of friends were in the former town. She did it and then again with another job change. When he passed on, she picked herself and picked up her life and went on. another move , the time because of her job. shakeup after shake up but she gets on with life and yet she is always there for her friends. it seems when I need pick up this "chosen sister" senses it and a card, email or small package comes into my life.She is the gift of courage to go on.

The next three are younger than me so could that they are like chosen daughters. Karrie is a human McNugget in size but her spirit is huge. She is determined to each her drew and if there is a roadblock she moves it out of the way. She is a dynamo of determination. She is a worker if effort alone can get her there, she will triumph. Her gift to me is that determination, that chutzpah to go on keep striving. She inspires me.

If Karrie is a dynamo, Andrea is the calm in the storm. Her tact , advice and her just lets sit and settle on what has to be done is a nurturing spirit. If I make a knitting mistake that brings me to tears, she is there to take my needles to repair it and to explain it so it will not happen again. If I need someone to listen to me she is there. Advice is only given if asked for but her silent understanding silence as others talk allows myself and others to work it out by talking it out.her gift to my bouquet is serenity.

Stacie is another far away pal but our friendship was formed when we worked in the same school system years ago.Her independence matches mine. She like me lives life on her own terms but she ( and myself)gives to others. One case we shared. A young man with anger issues found in her someone who would help him deal with it and finally to graduate high school when no one thought he would. Stacie is a shoot from the hip girl; her honesty can be blunt and tough but it is above all honest. That is her gift to me the ability to be honest with myself and others.

So these four of the major blooms in my fried shop posey there are others---Carol, Jody, Kelley, Delilah, Amber and more. Each of you will have your day so I can tell you of the gift you have added to the posey and my life. but these were the ones on my mind as woke this morning Do not ask why these? I can not honestly answer this but this is the day I thank them for their gifts--love unaltered, support, determination, clam serenity, and honesty. Not a bad start explaining why my soul's spirit carries a huge bouquet of friendship gifts. Thank you

plans in progress

Sunday morning -- French press coffee, yogurt, sleeping dogs and CBS Sunday Morning News and later the two crosswords in the newspaper. Perfection or well pretty dang close in my list of wonderful days. Relaxation and some brain twisting as the crosswords puzzle me! Then a good book ( dresden? hard choices? Evanovich?) but I have to choose . Some knitting might happen and some writing for sure.

This is going to be a run run week. Monday laundry and house chores loom. Tuesday will be grading ,preparation and teaching my class. Wednesday plans include packing and delivering dogs to west fifth to be boarded. Thursday I will drive half way to SD and a brief visit to family. Friday get to Hermosa and Windbreak house. Then drop off the map and concentrate on writing until the 30th and my road home begins.

It might have been wiser to plan this for October---less heat and snakes are denning for the winter, but I also have more time now. Also in SD October can mean SNOW in capitals and bucketfuls. So a summer retreat it is. The mind can be enriched in any weather. So I may be simmering in the heat of creation as well as in physical heat. Here is hoping the creative heat is the hottest of the two.

At the moment there lists to make--- things to pack, groceries to take, papers to fill out and send back( just got to them yesterday) ,laundry to do and meetings to go to. Plans to make for the memoir workshop, shopping to do and of course things that pop up have to be taken care of, and is that not true of life everyday. plans are made and things pop up that alter them. Living is a constant adjustment of what is to what is planned or dreamed.

Time to put some plans in action.

Been a couple of days full of ups and downs. Ups--Becky the youngest daughter wound up one of the toughest on line courses she has ever taken, a pal had a wish partially fulfilled, and I added to the material for my writing retreat next week. The downs Becky spent hours on the final papers for the course knowing they probably will still get her a grade she doesn't want( my rainbow a,b,c high schooler has morphed in to an a college student), part of my friend's dream went away, and I need to write a whole bunch more before I head north. All three of us are survivors, workers and determined. Becky may have to adjust a c, the pal will readjust the dream and forge ahead, and I am going to work on some fiction to loosen up the block on memoir bits.

Life is never constant, and I really doubt those who say they never have any bumps in theirs. I wonder are they numb or dumb. Perfection is not human thing in my mind; something or someone will always throw in a twist. Several friends of mine say they never argue with their spouse. I wonder do they live in bubble suits just smiling at each other and never really caring enough to confront the other one even if it is for that person's own good. Even one woman that I love,Miss Patty, who has been married sixty-four years admits the bumps of the marriage are no longer ruts in the road but there are still small potholes. Besides if life goes along in the same routine day in day out year in and year out, it would be pretty darn boring--sort of like plain yogurt. Give me the fruit and yogurt with real blueberries to add texture.

Variety is the spice the old saying but it is more that it is an alarm clock that wakes you up. New people come into your life, new jobs give you new insight, new houses make you rethink the arrangement and value of your possessions. Moving has been a constant in my life and each time old unused things that I have no longer a use for, outgrown in size or emotionally are put aside leaving room for new experiences and new learning.

The ups of life are nice but sometimes we learn even more from the downs. They challenge us and make us rethink plans.We adapt, and we learn from the experience. We grow when we change things. We stumble through the changes and whether we succeed or fail at least we got out there and tried. Opening doors can be scary. Who knows what is behind there but if you do not turn the knob, how will you ever know what treasures you may find.

This writing retreat is a new door for me. I know I can write ,but can I WRITE. I am not seeking book deals or Twilight style fame, I just want to write for those who know me --- family stories to preserve. Will Linda see a small spark of a writer as she works with me. What if she doesn't? But I will never know if I do not get my dogs to the kennel, my buns in the car and try. Believe me ,you will hear about the results, and I know I will learn something and that will make me better if only because I tried.

Ups an downs they are part of life. We can let them stop us . We can seek safety in preventing change. But the ups and downs shape us, teach us and in an important way make us true citizens of the world we live in and truly involved in the process of living.

random thought day

Sitting here waiting for the UPS man. Evidently he has tried three times to deliver a package to me that requires a signature or so their email says. No note on door, and I have written them saying when I will be gone but that is when they schedule delivery. So hoping they come before I have to take Winston to vet for his annual shoots or after I get back. Sorry but UPS does not my schedule dictate.

Also email has been acting up. I try sending things to students and pals with a very quick refused reply and then try again in a few minutes and it goes. copy and pasted the address so it makes no sense. Sometimes the cyber world is just weird. Oh well, it finally gets there.

Another odd thing but predictable are excuses. Dogs do not eat homework anymore but computers malfunction continually and of course since I teach night classes for the college,"I have to work or no sitter" pops up many times. I can handle it if the work gets done but so often it doesn't. Also and this is a new phenomena there are student bargainers who say I see this is a low point assignment and I do not like it, can I do something else. This happens most often in hybrid courses where much of the work is on line. No it is the assignment and do it. 10 points is ten points and that is often the difference between an "a"or a "b". Honestly , most of my students are great. they work hard, do their best and do not do any of the above and this is because so many of them are full-time in the work world or vets. they knowhow much it takes to get ahead and they are paying for it.

Winston has his annual check up to day and it is going to be hot. Hoping it will be a quick trip as it is to be in the 90's. Heat is not good for the dogs or for me. I am one of those people who like it cold. 30-75 is my prime temperature range. The icy roads which can happen in that spread are not fun, but I still like it old. I can always put on more clothes but as a female there are only so many I can take off. A brief aside on that last statement, there are some men who should never take their shirt off either. Just an observation, folks.

My guilty pleasure this summer is Wendy Williams. Can not explain it but love her chutzpa. Today she had Hney boo-boo on and I must say for once I saw her as a human---oops a real little girl not an affected brat. Still won't watch her show anyway. Another pleasure and definitely not a guilty one is Longmire and it is on tonight.

Enough for today.Have a good one.

father's day memories for my girls.

Father's Day brings him to my mine though he has been gone over 40 years. I can hear his voice, smell his after shave and almost feel his arms. He was a big man. Physically over six foot and sturdy never over weight. dark haired, bleed, he would walk int a room and become a center of moment. He did not have to try ;he just was. Often he had a cigar some where near and there was always coffee beside him. Once someone said to me "I'd hate to fight him. Look at the size of his hands.", but I never knew him to swing at anyone though I am sure he may have in his younger days.

Dad as I knew him was a blast of run and spur of the moment decisions. My mother was the planner and root put downer of our family and now I wonder how their marriage worked but it did. Perhaps because inside he was a softie content to let his women run the house and him when he was home. When he was home sounds ominous but it isn't. He was a traveling salesmen for farm equipment firms.He was good at it, until he got ill.

Memories abound. Saturdays were movie days --especially when the theater was the only air conditioned place during blistering summers. Westerns were the usual bill of fare. Randolph Scott and John Wayne became icons for me. Wayne with his "I am not...the Hell I am not" line just before he decked the bad guy was in my mind equated with Dad. He was a slow burn to anger but once it flared, it was white hot.Then just as suddenly it was gone and he was mending fences. Yet, once he had finally had it there was no going back and his politeness became icy. Thank you dad, that gene came right over into my DNA.

Another memory is his "Chicken Legs." Once when we were on the farm our neighbor Fred Strickland drained his farm. eager to stock our pond, Dad rolled up the legs of his striped overalls and filled bucket after bucket with water and fish and carried them to our pond. Fred watched this silently but finally yelled " Hey. Roy how did a big one like you get such skinny damn chicken legs?" The term stuck, Now I know they probably were the result of years of insulin injections due to toe 2 diabetes.

Dad also could get Mom to do things that I am sure she was not really sure about. One example we were living in Kearney in my third year of college, Dad walked in and said "I am going to Canada who is going along?" Mom looked at him and to his surprise said "let's go just as soon as this load of wash is done." We went straight North then to St Paul and home through the Wisconsin Dells. I used French in an area where it was native and enjoyed Mom's relaxation and enjoyment during the trip.

Now he was not perfect and I won't pretend he was. He was my center of strength,and I knew he was in my corner.He let me grow independent of him but never stopped loving me. Watching him grow weak tore at me, and when the call came, I drove all night to get to Cameron Missouri. I ran out of gas as I drove into their yard. The next day I said good bye and was unsure that he heard me, but then he lifted his hand. The next second he was gone, and my world was less than it had been before.

Yet cigar smoke and Old Spice can conjure him up . For a moment I feel his larger than life presence, his comfort floods me and I know that he gave me the world when he gave me life and love.

morning--attitude is all

Early morning and the quiet is so great. The sun is blossoming behind me as I type. It is June in quiet but the weather is not blistering. That last word "blistering" is key here as it is more spring like than a summer day in Kansas. This close to July the AM is usually in the 8o's not the 60's today. Since 80 is the maximum at which I function well, the cooler starts of the past few weeks have been enjoyable.

Lately, I have focused my thoughts on my blessings. They are normal and small-- I have a home. decent health, food - friends and an alert mind( this is a big one at my age). Some people keep a gratitude journal; I use the happy app on my phone.(Yes. I know apps.) My goal three posts a day about the things that have blessed my spirit.The act of putting them on the app makes me focus my thoughts on the positive and as they are stored there ,I can revisit them to perk myself up if something starts to bring me down. Some modern technology is great.

Also focusing on my positives allows me time to send a word up for people I love. I try to make those thoughts positive too and to support them when they need they need someone in their corner. Focusing away from the me has opened my mind once again to the truth that I am not the center of the universe.

Along with this I am trying to thank those who help me whether it is a paid service or a favor. If someone is polite and does their best, the deserve the word thank you and the please too. It is a little thing, but when someone says thank you to me I feel better so I am trying to pay it forward.

Not that I am a saint. Injustice makes me mad ,and I often speak up about it. I do not deal well with rudeness and to be honest when people are consistently rude, I often avoid being around them and am icily polite when in their presence. Overdramatic drama queening and baby talking adults get to me. Not doing things that should be done without thinking and making others pick up my slack is an irritant to me. The list is a bit longer but enough said. As I said positive attitude and acts are my goal.

a new adventure

Well I have gone and done it.I am giving a writing seminar in July at Studio thirteen. I have been thinking about doing something like this for several months so today I called Chris Taylor Block and it set for July 10th Now I have to prepare materials and a poster to get people interested. Scary but life needs challenges.

Challenging yourself is like standing at the door of an airplane ready to free fall. You want to jump but that strap you are hanging on to feels really good. The known is comfortable and safe; the new stuff could backfire and fail. Tough decision but making that jump and plunging into something new can open new worlds. New ideas and new ways to do things enrich a life but taking that jump that is not easy.

Still teaching is something I do. Creative writing is a course I have taught. But this is different. I am asking people to pay me for two hours ,and they are doing it for the fun or joy of doing it, not for a grade. Can I keep their interest; can I help them tell their story? Will they want another session? I think I can, but it is still new uncharted territory. I fi it fails, how will I feel? Well I have failed before and I am still here. So that is settled. If you ever try , you never know.

At the moment I am trying to work on my own memoir as I have mentioned. this too is new territory but it is becoming more focused. I found by doing some of the exercises I intend to teach I can unblock things. For example I sketched thoe house I lived in where one incident took place and before I knew it, I had drawn every house I had eve lived in. Not well, mind you but roughly and I could even describe some rooms in detail as to their color and wallpaper. Memories( stories really) came with every floor plan. Heavens the mind can hide tons of impressions until one calls them out.

I firmly believe that every one has at least one story in them, and it is worth telling. I am also coming to think that many families are not sharing their stories even with family members because social media keeps us texting and tweeting. So I hope some of those who still believe in the stories will join me in July.

changes

It is suppertime and all three dogs are clustered at my feet begging. I never eat alone at home, but just as they beg , I rarely share. Trying to keep them on the right track as I reform my own habits. One new habit is I am walking a bit every day and hope to get a bit more mileage each day.When it is hot or muggy I have to do it early as the heat gets to me. Another new habit is drinking less coffee and so the body is adjusting. when home one french press pot if I go to Brewed awakening I add a large bold. Still less than I had everyday when I was using a Mr. Coffee or a Keruig. I am also drinking it slower and tasting it more.

This blog is a new habit, and I actually miss it the days i do not write even the post is just a hi you all. It causes me to focus my thoughts into a solid from. It may not be earth shattering but it is me as I am on the day I write it. No apologies, it is me.

Writing is becoming central to my day. Trying to get family stories down so I can improve them. This is the splash it down so I can revise it later period. Some days nothing happens; other it just flows. I find fiction goes more quickly. Any way this year has been great as I have been published in everyone of the last five Story Circle Network Journals. It is for my ego and so encouraging to know others like my stuff.

Another new thing but not a habit is returning to actively working to elect a man I believe in. I have done this in Nebraska, and now am backing the Davis Docking ticket in Kansas,

So new habits but not a new me. A changed me of course but not a new me. Changes do change us and It is my hope that these are creating a better me as I face not being a working woman in the next few years. That will be a del change for me; i might have to be a Walmart greeter or an early morning Micky d's counter lady. Who knows. Working is such a part of my idea of self that not working will be a real adjustment. Changes are good, aren't they?

the good the bad.

So it is Tuesday and my summer class stars tonight. I am teaching it on three campuses at once via ITV. Technology allows this. I am fond of the method and the ease it allows students but have to admit it lacks personal connection for me. Therefore I try to make visits to teach from each campus. The personal connection is for me at least something that makes teaching easier and more fulfilling.

I had a nice thing happen last week. At Buhler National Honor Society initiates ask a teacher to pi them at induction. I got a tex asking me to do this from a French student and the ceremony is Sept 21st. I was so pleased to say yes. when a student does something like this you feel you have done you job. I smiled all day.

Another nice thing was having family visit this weekend. They came in late Friday and left early Sunday. It was a busy Saturday of shopping, talking and a late night show. Exhausting but so dang satisfying;

Before I forget, Friday was good for another reason as a good pal and I took her children to Frozen. A good movie and great on the big screen, it was better seen with them.

Monday's house party for Davis docking was good. New people came

Only one not so good thing -- a good pal ended up in the ER and was held for observation. I am awaiting news from her. It was so sudden but another friend was with her and that help.

dreams

Where is this house? In Warren,Ohio my birthplace and what does it cost. $O But who cold afford to restore it. I have always wanted to tackle a project like this. This Old house thrills me.. I dream of remodeling an grand old lady to new glory and then wake up to reality. Maybe that is why I like mysteries that deal with renovations for casual cozy reads.

Why would I want this? Think of it as a great B&B. Though they are a lot of work and take time to build a client base,it is a home based business that allows you to live in it. I could bake in the AM do laundry etc; everything I do anyway, but on a bigger scale. But there is a more personal reason, I could take one room an line the walls with bookshelves for my books, adda chaise lounge and a good lamp. Heaven on earth for me.

Dreams they are necessary for life. Dreams spur us to action. Some dream of a business such as my pal Karrie Ruebke's dream to have her coffee shop/ Result Brewed Awakening and it is a great place. Yes, it is not perfect yet and kinks need to be worked out. Still she had a dream, took action and is building on it. That takes courage, work and family support and she has it all.

Another pal is Andrea springer and her Knitting Savant business. Her knitting retreats and fiber centered road trips are well planned relaxing treat for like minded people and if you run into a stitch problem , she can and will lead you to the solution. He husband Steve is also one who goes for his dreams. Some are just beginning to develop but he is also a local business supporter supreme. proud to know this couple.

My dream is to write and this is becoming a major life focus. Story circle network has become a place for sharing, learning and creative production. Joining was the smartest decision I have made. This June a writing retreat at Windreak House will put me a bit further down the road.

The point of this blog is dreams spur us, but they do not come true until put into action. Also being adult( and why were we in such a hurry to be adult) we have to realize what we can do based on age , finances etc and be realistic about what can be made real. I will not get to do the house but I can and will write. So readers-- Dream as it can only enrich your life and your spirit.

howling in the dawn

So some mornings you greet the day with a good howl--- and hopefully it is a happy one. Charley the coyote featured in Shreve Stockton"s daily email looks happy here. http://www.dailycoyote.net I love getting the daily photos of Charley they make the day better somehow and they do not need a lot os words. She saved Charley as a pup and raised him, and like all children he challenged her for pack leadership at one time. She won and the rest is history. She wrote a book about their battle but i saw that she not only found the coyote she also got to know herself as she went through the relationship. Now Charley is watched over because he trusts humans not all of whom would allow him to live.<"http://www.dailycoyote.net">

Today was a happy howl day for me. I got my floors cleaned by me. the cable man switched out my cable box so the new telly in the kitchen/ rec room works. Also had my favorite meal at noon as Brewed Awakening featured baked potatoes for lunch. topped it with butter, sour cream, bacon, and dives. So now it is writing time and relaxing as I have a meeting at 6:30. So a good day and tomorrow bodes well to be another--- going to Frozen at the Fox theater the first film in their dil series for this summer. A pal and her two kids are going with me and that is a bonus.Then late that night Dana and KK will come in for the weekend and we will hit the Our Lady of Guadalupe Fiesta. Great way to end the week and the whipped cream on it all is the LONGMIRE season 2 marathon with Monday being the start of season three.

Did I mention that I got the new Jim Butcher Dresden novel in the mail, have the new c.J.Box on my kindle and am reading the Bookman's Tale? Have to watch that reading does not push everything aside as I need to get some stuff on the pc for my retreat at windbreak house in late June. Guess this summer won't be boring.

Of course not all howls are happy, and I have had my fair share of the lonely, sorrowful or mad as H*** howls. Who hasn't? Still if life has taught me anything, it is not to let such things rule my life. I go ahead and howl and then do what I can and then let Him handle it. Makes life easier. A person can not always handle what life gives them but he/she can handle the way they react to it. Go for the positive and life is better.

wednesday the 28th part 2

I went to mass tonight. There were 4 women and 3 clerics there. Actually it might seem fruitless to give such a mass but mass is never really fruitless. Mass for me at least settles my spirit ad allows me to get back on track and I needed hat tonight. It also focuses my prayer life for the time it takes to celebrate it and often for days afterwards. I feel comforted, centered, and fulfilled in a way i cannot fully explain.

Let me say, I miss daily mass before school. In Lemmon I could go to 6:30 or &:00 am mass and then head to school. It made the tough days much easier. So tonight's almost empty mass hearkened back to those early morning renewals and I wish one of the parishes here would have a 6 am mass . Still if the switch my schedule to afternoons at bugler I will be able to make the 7am on days the weather cooperates. At least I can plan to do so.

I also turned in my tickets for the fiesta. I did not even try to sell the 40in my envelope just filled in the daughters' names and wrote a check. It surprised me to see how many envelopes were unpicked up. Even if you just gave 10.00 dollars or half that and turned a ticket in for each dollar it would help. Ok, not here to preach. I plan on taking KK and dana for some the Mexican food served at fiesta. Can't resist that.

Any way speaking of food, it is time I ate something.
See you at fiesta.

So it is sunny and muggy today. I struck out before seven for my walk and today I doubled my mileage well my semi mileage. I walker.57 of a mile which is double the last time I walked. That mileage is not great compared to some of my pals but I am amazed that I can do that well. It s not my favorite activity but it is good exercise and a cheap one. So I plan on trying to get no less that the rest of the summer. I am liking the app Map my Walk as i can see what routes give me distance. However I learned one thing for sure not to doit without the proper shoes as today's shoes were a definite hinderance to pace.


I made it to Wednesday morning knitting and enjoyed the companionship of great ladies and the challenge of the tucked cables in my baby alpaca sweater.
Actually the back is nearing completion and i hope to finish it before fall. At the moment I am hoping the picture comes up when I hit publish. I usually only knit on this away from the house as the dogs keep pestering me. Have to do"idiot" knitting when they are around.

OK here goes.. let's see if the photo works. It does. Now that is an ego booster.!!! Every can use one of those every so often.

Not much else to say today or at least right now. Later?

mother stories memoir section

My mother’s family was full of stories. If two of the group got together the tales began and a rich family history was instilled into the younger members who sat around listening. We would moan not that one again but we would listen and then they became part of us. The “courting ones took my souls and several are still part of my romantic spirit.
Aunt Lizzie was Grandma Janie’s sister whom I remember for her candy making skills. Fondant eggs, chocolate bunnies. Fudge in all flavors especially one called penuche came from her kitchen along with tons of loves for family. But that same family gave her problems when John McClellan came courting. Lizzie was never one to get dressed up unless there was a specific event coming up. So Janie and Frank used to delay telling her that John was coming over, and he would arrive to find her hair in disarray and wearing one of the oldest dresses she owned. She would get flustered and run to change while he along with my grandparents giggled. Now his courting was a big thing to her as she was as they used to say” on the shelf but well into her late twenties when he started to call.

How he stuck it out was a wonder to the entire family as he was tricked as well as Lizzie. As this was in the early 1900s most of the wooing was conducted in the parlor with family nearby, and my grandmother was neat freak so he would remove his over boots before coming into the house Often during the winter my aunts and uncles would fill his boots with water and if he stayed too long they were blocks of ice. Undeterred he kept at it until they married--- perhaps so he could have wearable boots in the winter.

Not long after that Mom’s oldest sister Mary became of age, and the boys began to call. Mary was not particularly interested in settling down as she was the oldest child of a large family and number nine had yet to arrive. Charles Doge however had set his eye on her and the young engineer was determined. He put up with taking all the little kids out to ice cream with them or bringing with him so they could eat it in the dining room as he plead his case in the parlor. He even kept at when two of the younger siblings hid behind the couch to see what Mary and Charlie were doing in the parlor only to be discovered when they missed the ice cream treat. All in all the decision to marry was made in part when J.V. sibling number was a newborn and a lady at the country store was overheard by Mary saying,” that oldest Shubert girl must have had that baby as “Jane is too old for a new little one.”

My uncles handled their courting days in different ways two. The most interesting was Tony. He had always been a little more daring in his life than his siblings style and worked away from home. One day he showed up with a young lady and spent the day. Night came on ,and it was obvious they planned on spending the night. Grandma Janie started to put Bertha up in the girl’s side when Tony said” She ‘s my wife. We have been married a year so we can sleep together.” Janie snapped “ not in my house” and marched Bertha to girls’ hall. This sleeping arrangement by the way once we cousins were old enough to understand had us guessing how nine children came about when they slept apart. Myself, I always wondered about the large linen closet.

My grandmother Janie was a neat freak The house had to be just so and the girls were her work force. Mom often talked about scrubbing and waxing the floor. Janie would stand behind the girl who was scrubbing a cast iron skillet in her hands or a wooden spoon admonishing them “ to polish it in the corner.” Mom said when it was her turn she used to whisper to herself “polly sh** in the corner.”

School tales are part of every family. I have two favorites from mom’s family. The first concerns my Aunt Mary. She was teaching school in a combine classroom. There were several grades in the room and a younger sibling in each of the classes. Mary had a fiery temper and often tossed whatever was in her hand at the unruly pupil. One winter day , it was her younger brother who disrupted class several times .She grabbed her keys and tossed them. Tony stood up, caught the keys and tossed them into the wood burning stove in the center of the room.

My favorite school tale has my mom as the star. In her day the high school domestic arts class taught knitting, crochet, tatting and of course ,sewing. The class project for one year was a pair of black nankeen bloomers decorated with yellow tatting. This was in the late 20s as Mom graduated in 1930 so bloomers were not really the bees knees. Mom was told she made them so she had to wear them—one fo the few faced with such an ultimatum. So off she went toward the school but several blocks down the street she detoured into an outhouse where she stripped off the bloomers and folded them neatly to wait for her return. She stopped in on the way home for lunch and donned the bloomers, stopped in and returned them to the bench on her way back to afternoon classes and stopped in again after school and put them on for the final trip home. Not one of siblings gave her away and an older sister lent her a more modern pair of under wear so she did not go commando to class. Family is there when you need them.

Mom stars in another semi school related tale. She was hired to cook for a teacher whose wife was ill. One day he brought home an eel for her to cook. He sketched out the process and into the pot went the eel. Only he forgot to tell her how to put the eel in so the dorsal nerve would not shrink as the eel cooked. She slid it in the wrong way and when she checked the shrinking nerve had the eel “swimming “ in the pot. She screamed so loud the neighbors came to see if she had had an accident. She never took another class from that teacher.

holiday--memorial day thoughts

Memorial day and we have a rock concert on Today. Some way to start a day dedicated to vets, but that is part of being a holiday along with beer and brats ads. Facebook is full of remember the vets memes ,but do all those who post them really know why we have this day.I do not intend to lecture, but I sincerely hope they do.

My night classes for the local judo ow contain at least one vet if not more. They are a varied lot.Some seem to have weathered the ravages of war;others not so much. One of the first to take my class started to fine . He ha some steel plate in his skull due to an idd but was ok. As the semester progressed, his physical condition went down hill, he began to walk stiffly, sit only for limited moments and by the end of the semester he was ing a cane. I saw him during the spring semester and he said he was facing a surgery to hopefully stop the losses. Another was more recent, he could not use his fingers easily to write with a pen or pencil but he got through the VA a dragon system that typed what he said.

Those visibly wounded are easier to deal with. It is inner wounded that I feel for every day. One young girl took two semesters to finish beginning comp. Her body language told me when she had had enough and would not be back to class. I finally wrote and sounding I am sure like an officer and told her to get her rear in gear and return. She did but the struggle was there very class. Another young man did the same thing but he did not respond to prompting from me or his classmates. He recently enrolled in a summer class to begin in June but he has already dropped that.He once said he could fix things even things he had blown up but life back here was tough to fix.He really is on my mind today and I pray he does not become a suicide statistic.

They return not completely whole;they are walking wounded. They return to families that love them but somehow expect them to be the same. They are not. They come back feeling a sense of responsibility. That young girl went to live with a grandparent who needed care and the boy who quit is supporting his mother. The other two are in struggling relationships with young children involved. They fight back the terrors, the memories and with a stiff upper lip; they do their duty here as the did it there.

Not one of these people said the VA was bad though I am sure some do. It is not perfect system;they realize this. They are glad it is there with all its flaws but they are not complainers for the most part. They are doers and when they felt the call they did what they felt they should too.

So as you listen to the music, pop a can ,and grill your brats think about the reason behind the holiday.

Saturday session

The skies have cleared, AND IT IS MUGGY. so glad I am not out on a boat or camping trip. They are fun but heat and I do not get along. Have done some writing and have some things yet to do but lazy has set in. We all have those days but this one hit me early and has progressed. Oh well, this too shall pass.

One thing is hard for me is to have someone I care for in pain. in the past several weeks tow of granddaughters have had a virus or strep that knocked them down for over a week. So wanted to be there for them but distance did not allow be there to run them whoever they wanted to eat or drink. Today another friend was working despite a really bad back. I winced inside when I saw her walk but I had tried to be positive. Still being home i keep thinking and wondering how she is. Thankfully her family is really good to help her.

There are people around Hutchinson. Kansas ( yes, eve here) that stubble to feed children, maintain , shelter, pay bills and feel good about themselves. As a teacher and citizen I hear too often that they are lazy, drug user, amoral no good drains on the taxpayers. NO they are not. I have parents who work several jobs to survive and still care for their parents. They work but need the reduced meals for their kids and there are plenty who need it but are too proud to take it. churches used to reach out to these people and I do not see as mud of this as before. I wonder if the services to good working people who need a boost are cut again and again to provide tax cuts to better off people will the churches return to their old charitable practices? It scares me that I see politics who bio themselves as CHRISTIANs rooting policies that hurt those who need a boost.


Did I get progress on the memoir? Yes, I am writing maternal stories from my mother's family. There is material galore but it takes time to decide how to do it and now that i have written it I want to revise it and more than likely will when I go to Windbreak House. Just want to get stuff down so I can get it focused , revised and on the road to something worth reading. Linda Hasslestrom you have your work cut out for you a the end of June. I just hope I do not frustrate you too much.

Am getting politically active too in the coming election as I am a volunteer for Docking-Davis.Uusally I am an independent but can not countenance any other choice this time. So putting action where my thoughts flow. My work, my vote, they count. If you do neither then do not complain about the state of the state, nation or world, enough said for now. expect me to get more wound up later.

Rain is coming down---heavy now but it began at 8 and has gone on in various downpour to muzzle forms. I love rainy days. We need the rain and it is welcome in any form. But my soul loves rainy days, it brings back days in the summer at my grandmother's in an attic bedroom or on the porch listening to the sound rain as I read.I liked them at home especially during the years we lived on the Missouri farm were i had an upstairs bedroom with dormer windows.

The dogs are all settled. Boba is on the floor where he can watch it fall, Winston on the pillow near me asI type and Zoe on her favorite top of the couch perch. Rain seems to calm them unless there is a lot of noise with it. Loud sounds bother him. Potty time gets interesting as none of them like being denched by rain but Winston minds it the least.

So not much but I have posted. I am typing with new nails and that is a real adjustment.More later.

mother stories

No apologies here. I am working on a memoir and want some input. I am beginning a section of stories from my mother's family . Let me know what you think This is just one aspect of the tales I heard growing up there will be others.

My mother’s side of my family was full of stories. If two of the group got together the tales began and a rich family history was instilled into the younger members who sat around listening. We would moan not that one again but we would listen and then they became part of us. As a girl the “courting ones took my souls and several are still part of my romantic spirit.

Aunt Lizzie was Grandma Janie’s sister whom I remember for her candy making skills. Fondant eggs, chocolate bunnies. Fudge in all flavors especially one called penuche came from her kitchen along with tons of loves for family. But that same family gave her problems when John McClellan came courting. Lizzie was never one to get dressed up unless there was a specific have to event coming up. So Janie and Frank used to delay telling her that John was coming over, and he would arrive to find her hair in disarray and her dress one of the oldest she owned. She would get flustered and run to change while he along with my grandparents giggled. Now his courting was a big thing to her as she was as they used to say” on the shelf” or not a flighty teen but well into her late twenties when he started to call.

How he stuck it out was a wonder to the entire family as he was tricked as well as Lizzie. As this was in the early 1900s most of the wooing was conducted in the parlor with family nearby, and my grandmother was neat freak so he would remove his over boots before coming into the house on rainy or wintery days. Often during the winter my aunts and uncles would fill his boots with water and if he stayed too long they were blocks of ice when he went to leave. Still undeterred he kept at it until they married perhaps so he could have wearable boots in the winter.

Not long after that Mom’s oldest sister Mary became of age and the boys began to call. Mary was not particularly interested in settling down as she was the oldest child of a large family and number nine had yet to arrive. Charles Doge however had set his eye on her and the young engineer was determined. He put up with taking all the little kids out to ice cream with them or bringing with him so they could eat it in the dining room as he plead his case in the parlor. He even kept at when two of the younger siblings hid behind the couch to see what Mary and Charlie were doing in the parlor only to be discovered when they missed the ice cream treat. All in all the decision to marry was made in part when J.V. sibling number was a newborn and a lady at the country store was overheard by Mary saying,” that oldest Shubert girl must have had that baby as Jane is too old for a new little one.”

My uncles handled their courting days in different ways too. The most interesting was Tony. He had always been a little more daring in his life than his siblings' lifestyles and worked away from home. One day he showed up with a young lady and spent the day. Night came on and it was obvious they planned on spending the night. Grandma Janie started to put Bertha up in the girl’s side( males slept on one end of the hall even grandpa; Girl on the other with grandma) when Tony said” She ‘s my wife. We have been married a year so we can sleep together.” Janie snapped “ not in my house” and marched Bertha to girls’ hall. This sleeping arrangement by the way once we cousins were old enough to understand had us guessing ow nine children were the result when they slept apart. Myself, I always wondered about the large linen closet.

Even before the day begins I know it is going to be one of those days. Not not horrible, no bad news etc., but one where what I have to do has no deadlines, no pressure, no half todo it now list. Oh there is list; there always is. It is just one where nay i will know if it is done and frankly today my get up and do it done flew out the window some time yesterday. Summer does that that to me.I do better when my personal task time is limited by my work tasks. guess that is why full retirement is not yet looked to as a blessing. I fear turning into a pj wearing, book, reading, sweater knitting, coffee drinking do nothing.

Sometimes I wonder why these days arrive as I am not usually unmotivated. I am a do it , get done gal. But then I hit one of these brick wall days and every thing that gets done is done as if it weighs tons. As I said earlier they happen more often when I do not have a set schedule, but in truth they do happen that often. Also I am fully aware the tasks that get delayed are those I do not particularly enjoy and grocery shopping is one of them. In fact I choose to go to the smallest Dillons in Hutch as it is compact, choices are limited and I am in and out quickly. the necessities are there and my prayers were answered when they put IAMS dog food on the shelf. My world was made complete and easier.

I have been reading the new Longmire book by Craig Johnson and once again am in the west world. John Wayne tough Sheriff in the modern world. He rings so true so true I can expect to meet him on the street. the supporting characters add to the book bliss. Vic is a gutsy, independent woman and Lucian the retire sherif is just the rascally mentor the Longmire needed to be what has become. Oddly I cam across this series by accident through the tv series ( excellent by the way) which begins its third season june second on A%E. this is only the second time this has happened. The first was The Dresden Files from the Jim Butcher series but it only had a single season,Yet when I read and I have read them all I see Dreseden looking like Harry Blackthorne who portrayed them.

While I am at it. let me tell you the C.J.Box series about a wily park ranger is great reading too. Have to thank Okema Shaw for introducing me to Joe. No real visual model for him but I love the books but have not read them in order. Just dipping my foot in the Yellowstone area he patrols when I find one and finding they do well as stand alines.

Dana Stabenow is another local writer I love. Kate and her Alaska are always worthy of an all night reading session and i am awaiting the next one. her silk road trilogy is doing wells a read but I have to say Kate and Mutt hold my heart.

Cozy mysteries also fil my shelves/ Susan Wittig Albert and Joan Fluke are hardback favorites. Kate Carlisle,Juliet Blackwell, Cleo Coyle paperbacks are on my reading table. M.K.Rose is also there with her somewhat gothic. romantic, mystery mix that makes the pages turn.

Hey something has come up and my energy level is up to it. Can you guess what it is? No surprises there, I bet. Oh yes I am going to write.