back again

Wow,time has passed and here i am wondering where it went. Winston, school, and college classes seem to steal away my days and some of my nights also. Not a bad thing to be busy at my age but my writing is not getting done. So I am determined to make time for it and to set up a personal website. Bear with me as i attempt to get these things done.

Knitting is keeping me semi sane as it is how I relax. those needles click and worries go away. PRAYER IS STILL A DAILY NO HOURLY THING BUT KNITTING IS THERE TOO!
Oct 1 the shop is doing a sky scarf----2 rows a day the color of the sky at a time that is fairly consistent for a year. I am doing the 5:30 to 6:am sky so mine will be on the dark side/. I am also working on two cabled projects for myself.It is a verity that a true knitter has projects in progress and yarn on hand for planned ones.

My story circle prompt for this on this yourself and I am pondering this. what made me, me? Genes, nurture, choices I made, life experiences, choices made by others --- all of these are part of me. wait for the developments.

Have been in a slump lately---could be the summer classes. The English 100 is such a mixed group. achievers are there in abundance, but dropped out in the third week. Three high school class members come to class and do nothing. One has turned in one paper and incomplete research paper; the others nil for out of class papers. Oh wait one did turn in three late papers which in the no grade zone the day the research papers are due. One has no text and can not do online as she has no net and will not come to attendance center or the library to type a paragraph. In class assignments are rushed, poorly done and incomplete. They say the class will allow them to graduate early. Surely they have to pass it.

Spanish 1 is a delight. Eight women one of whom is 82 and semi deaf laugh and learn.No failure except for number 9 who dropped out. Tuesday and Thursday are great

The thing that gets me is the waste of money. Those who dropped did not withdraw so it is an automatic "f" . Also they stopped coming after the money back date. Several hundred dumped for nothing. Amazes me is a mild description though it happens every semester.

The heat is also getting to me.I am a definite cold weather person. 30-70 degrees is my comfort zone. South Dakota fit me better that way, but Kansas has been good to me.

Enough of the downers, life is good. I have much to be thankful for and I am always aware of that. He is good and He is the one who leads me. I may make decisions but i Know they are part of His plan for me.

the fourth

Story circle had celebrations as the July prompt. I have already replied to that but am having thoughts about the fourth of July. So here goes. First it begins here on the 3oth of June which is the first legal sale day of fireworks. Rather it begins that night as neighbors begin firing them as soon as it is dark enough usually around 9pm and continue it for an hour or so. It ends the fifth( if they have not oversupplied themselves.). EACH NIGHT IT GOES LONGER AND THE LAST NIGHT OFTEN RUNS UNTIL 12 OR LATER.

This year it is dry, dry, dry and that is due to the triple digit weather we are having. Fire hazards abound and just last night a house in Wichita burned due to fireworks misuse. People need to be careful but many won't be as it is their American right to do what they want in the way that they want. Others however are like one young man I know who is doing it right. Lawn is cut short,watered down and dirt is handy to toss on stray sparks. He is planning a huge display from looks of the loot on his Facebook page, but he is doing it in the right way.

Fire is not the only thing that can bother neighbors. My yard becomes a collection point for spent fireworks and debris carried by wind from other yards--especially from those yards where it is not picked up and taken care of properly.Now I do sound rather witchy but dang it is annoying.

Noise is another factor. Past eleven is enough already. Booms and yelling several nights in a row gets old.It also can disturb small children and pets. Last night Winston was out for his before bed walk in the backyard. The whistles and small frizzling sounds made him sit and listen. His head turned almost every second as he tried to locate the origin of each sound. I stood by him giggling at his reactions. BOOM!! A huge thunder bombshell went off and so did Winston right for the door. 30+ lbs of running bulldog pup nearly pulled me off my feet as he drug me behind him to the door. Inside he went to sit under my computer chair but then ran to his kennel and went inside without a treat. Funny , yes it was, but he was scared. The chis were in the house so they just shook.

Now this is somewhat of a rant and it did to start out to be so negative. I love fireworks in the sky, my heart swells as they bring lines form our anthem to my inner vision but they need to be done safely, with consideration of others and in a size appropriate for their location.

Sunday and I realize I have not yet written for quite awhile. Promise to self write even if it is mundane and not reflecting on anything in particular. Winston is playing with his toys--first one and then another. They all end up in the bed he has claimed as his. The chis are doing nothing as only older dogs can do--ignoring the adhd pup that lives here. A pork roast is in the crock pot, papers await my red pen and I am enjoying this ramble.

Story circle's July prompt is about celebrations and reactions to them.For me holidays are okay but is the private moments of celebrations that affect me in the deepest way.The birth of my girls gave me a joy that is relived on the birthdays that followed. Each of those days the wonder of that little person in my arms for the first time as I counted toes and fingers claims me and I rejoice in the gift of their lives and their accomplishments since that day. Celebration of our joined histories never ceases.

Small celebrations happen when something good happens unexpectedly. Yesterday a friend( a chosen sister) called and a bit of joy entered my life. Someone praises my work , a student says that I have done something that made them feel good are all reasons for small fire bursts of feel good hormones.

Quiet moments spent reading or knitting can release the "feel good" waves also.Perhaps that is why early moments with coffee start my day off well.But I suspect it has more to do with my acceptance of life as a journey which not always smooth is well worth the trip. It also comes from knowing He has my back and will care for me if I accept his will. I find that last easier each year even in bad or uncertain moments.

Big event and big holidays are good things. Who would not enjoy those(but I admit even these are better for me if not in a huge bunch of people)? However for me the true joyful bursts are quiet, small, and personal.

The breeze is cool but heat will develop as it is June in Kansas. The pups are snoring. I am some what planing my attack on a list to do that is bigger than I like it to be. Summer's lazy pace allows me to get behind. I am one of those that likes a routine and summer lacks it. So beginning today I hope to semi-impose one. Have to work in some exercise and other things.

Today I have to check on some things, get meds, grade papers,write letters etc.I hope to get it all done. On top of that i am going to start checking blood sugars three times a day before meals.My goal to keep it between 70 and 140 before meals.Also this should help me keep losing weight.However I am also determined to not beat myself up if the goals are not met when I test or weigh. Human that I am lapses will happen.

Sometimes I see students set unrealistic goals. To be a pro- athlete when they were a second stringer in school or even a non-participant for example , not realistic in the least. Others plan great careers but lack the follow through or work ethic to make it though the brains are there. Goals are a great incentive but they need to be realistic and possible. Failure hurts but it devastating when they were beyond reach to begin with. Parents and teachers need to guide students to realistic goals and teach them how to set them later in life.

My goals are to lose 10 pounds then set another goal; not i want to lose 50 in five weeks.I want to keep on grading not I want it all done NOW! I will do some exercise. tai chi is my choice. I do not plan to be Chuck Norris or Christie Brinkely every day but I intend to increase my amount of movement. Think those are possible?

Wish me luck readers and now it is time to get on with today's chores.

Today was wig washing day literally. I gave up on my baby fine , dishwater brown thin hair a bit over a year ago and now I wear a wig or should I say wigs. I can go from medium to short shag cut in minutes. I do not have to mess with mousse, gel etc. but every so often I have to wash the wigs and this is not a bad task but it is necessary. So today was the day.
It was a figuratively wig washing day also. I chose not to do anything of import( except I paid my car payment) and to let the day just flow. Teaching four nights a week at HCC fills my week and somehow rushing around doing errands did not turn my crank. It has been relaxing. I am actually looking forward to going to a knitting party tonight---needles,snacks, wine and conversation. One small problem I have to find the house and it is out near Pretty Prairie so I hope map quest gave me the right directions.
Yesterday was a good day. Once again cleared on the breast bump. this is second time I have gone through the mammogram, sonogram, surgeon thing. in O8 he did a biopsy but it too was negative. Yesterday he said it was not needed and to see him in six months but he is confident there will be no change. Always antsy about these things but better safe than sorry. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone along but I also find going alone okay---especially when the results are positive( or rather negative depending on your viewpoint.
Right now the toughest thing I need to do is decide what type of snacky foods I want to take. So I am off to the shower and the market. Life is good.

Humans always think they have more time. I will travel, I will write, I will spend more time after. After what? We know we have an expiration date but we avoid thinking about it. The act of ignoring it deprives us of many goals and relationships. How many times have you heard the words , I wish had said I love you more or I had gone to ?.

In 1986 my desire to see England and Paris overcame my reluctance . So off I went with two of my three girls and six students. I may have regretted that my now ex- husband would not leave the states, but I have never regretted the decision. Since that date I have led student tours and travelled on my own and each one has enriched me. The trips have opened new understandings of ancient history, of different cultures and the richness of life itself.

Writing has always been part of me but family and work kept me from it. Then one day the dam broke and I have been at it ever since. Some of my work has been in regional publications and other writings have been in the three newspapers that I have worked for in three states. Now I blog semi-regularly about whatever strikes my fire on that day. Fame is not my goal but the use of words to flow smoothly and to avoid clichéd phrasing constantly urges me on.

Relationships are oddities. This past week ,while in London, I spent a day with a pal of forty years. We talked from moment one with no hesitation. True friendship is like that. With others conversations are more guarded; everyone knows those. Age does not determine the strength of these contacts. It is a matter of time and the willingness to stop other things to write the letter, make the call, to just be and be there.

My marriage has been over longer than it was. I do not regret the end, but I regret the sense of family it destroyed. Still it gave me three wonderful daughters and grandchildren. Oops cannot leave out the greats either. He is a good man and he was a good man. Still I am stronger and content within myself since the end. I forgave him and myself and so no longer spend time in bitter memories and whys.

As an only child, my parents knew my love. Yes, like all teens there were angry times but I knew their love and I truly feel they knew mine. I was in the room when each one passed and the word rend became acutely real. But I am content that they knew before they left me that I would miss them and I find I still do at times.
So what am I saying? I live in the present, reflect only on past joys, and do not long for what might be. I let go and let God trite as that sounds. It works for me.