friend ship posey--Berneice, Joyce,Karrie Andrea, Stacey a start on the blooms

Woke up this morning thinking of friends and the different blessings they bring to our life, this made me realize that each friendship is just different enough that the entire group is a bouquet of talents that enriches my life,. Their ages differ as due their views on life but each brings a gift that only they can give to me.

Berneice and Joyce are tow of my oldest blooms in the bouquet. Berneice came into my life when I married. she was already wed to one my husband's friends. The mother of two and expecting the third she would be my go to when I needed how to advice after my girls came. Her boys and my girls grew up together, we had New Year's eves at each others homes, we shared coffee times, laughs and yes we shared tears. to this day I feel welcome in her house and her life though miles apart. Her gift to me her support and her ability to support someone who needs it. Her husband was hurt in an accident and his health went dow slowly form that moment. She let him determine the amount of help he needed and gave it to him. when he could no longer work she did.She had low moments I am sure but I bet he never saw them.she is an example to me of what love should be.Shakespeare said love is not love that alteration finds and she did not alter her love though her life altered.

Joyce like Berneice faced life changing factors which many would not accept. She and her husband moved from a comfortable home town for his job to a bigger city. they worked together but her circle of friends were in the former town. She did it and then again with another job change. When he passed on, she picked herself and picked up her life and went on. another move , the time because of her job. shakeup after shake up but she gets on with life and yet she is always there for her friends. it seems when I need pick up this "chosen sister" senses it and a card, email or small package comes into my life.She is the gift of courage to go on.

The next three are younger than me so could that they are like chosen daughters. Karrie is a human McNugget in size but her spirit is huge. She is determined to each her drew and if there is a roadblock she moves it out of the way. She is a dynamo of determination. She is a worker if effort alone can get her there, she will triumph. Her gift to me is that determination, that chutzpah to go on keep striving. She inspires me.

If Karrie is a dynamo, Andrea is the calm in the storm. Her tact , advice and her just lets sit and settle on what has to be done is a nurturing spirit. If I make a knitting mistake that brings me to tears, she is there to take my needles to repair it and to explain it so it will not happen again. If I need someone to listen to me she is there. Advice is only given if asked for but her silent understanding silence as others talk allows myself and others to work it out by talking it out.her gift to my bouquet is serenity.

Stacie is another far away pal but our friendship was formed when we worked in the same school system years ago.Her independence matches mine. She like me lives life on her own terms but she ( and myself)gives to others. One case we shared. A young man with anger issues found in her someone who would help him deal with it and finally to graduate high school when no one thought he would. Stacie is a shoot from the hip girl; her honesty can be blunt and tough but it is above all honest. That is her gift to me the ability to be honest with myself and others.

So these four of the major blooms in my fried shop posey there are others---Carol, Jody, Kelley, Delilah, Amber and more. Each of you will have your day so I can tell you of the gift you have added to the posey and my life. but these were the ones on my mind as woke this morning Do not ask why these? I can not honestly answer this but this is the day I thank them for their gifts--love unaltered, support, determination, clam serenity, and honesty. Not a bad start explaining why my soul's spirit carries a huge bouquet of friendship gifts. Thank you

plans in progress

Sunday morning -- French press coffee, yogurt, sleeping dogs and CBS Sunday Morning News and later the two crosswords in the newspaper. Perfection or well pretty dang close in my list of wonderful days. Relaxation and some brain twisting as the crosswords puzzle me! Then a good book ( dresden? hard choices? Evanovich?) but I have to choose . Some knitting might happen and some writing for sure.

This is going to be a run run week. Monday laundry and house chores loom. Tuesday will be grading ,preparation and teaching my class. Wednesday plans include packing and delivering dogs to west fifth to be boarded. Thursday I will drive half way to SD and a brief visit to family. Friday get to Hermosa and Windbreak house. Then drop off the map and concentrate on writing until the 30th and my road home begins.

It might have been wiser to plan this for October---less heat and snakes are denning for the winter, but I also have more time now. Also in SD October can mean SNOW in capitals and bucketfuls. So a summer retreat it is. The mind can be enriched in any weather. So I may be simmering in the heat of creation as well as in physical heat. Here is hoping the creative heat is the hottest of the two.

At the moment there lists to make--- things to pack, groceries to take, papers to fill out and send back( just got to them yesterday) ,laundry to do and meetings to go to. Plans to make for the memoir workshop, shopping to do and of course things that pop up have to be taken care of, and is that not true of life everyday. plans are made and things pop up that alter them. Living is a constant adjustment of what is to what is planned or dreamed.

Time to put some plans in action.

Been a couple of days full of ups and downs. Ups--Becky the youngest daughter wound up one of the toughest on line courses she has ever taken, a pal had a wish partially fulfilled, and I added to the material for my writing retreat next week. The downs Becky spent hours on the final papers for the course knowing they probably will still get her a grade she doesn't want( my rainbow a,b,c high schooler has morphed in to an a college student), part of my friend's dream went away, and I need to write a whole bunch more before I head north. All three of us are survivors, workers and determined. Becky may have to adjust a c, the pal will readjust the dream and forge ahead, and I am going to work on some fiction to loosen up the block on memoir bits.

Life is never constant, and I really doubt those who say they never have any bumps in theirs. I wonder are they numb or dumb. Perfection is not human thing in my mind; something or someone will always throw in a twist. Several friends of mine say they never argue with their spouse. I wonder do they live in bubble suits just smiling at each other and never really caring enough to confront the other one even if it is for that person's own good. Even one woman that I love,Miss Patty, who has been married sixty-four years admits the bumps of the marriage are no longer ruts in the road but there are still small potholes. Besides if life goes along in the same routine day in day out year in and year out, it would be pretty darn boring--sort of like plain yogurt. Give me the fruit and yogurt with real blueberries to add texture.

Variety is the spice the old saying but it is more that it is an alarm clock that wakes you up. New people come into your life, new jobs give you new insight, new houses make you rethink the arrangement and value of your possessions. Moving has been a constant in my life and each time old unused things that I have no longer a use for, outgrown in size or emotionally are put aside leaving room for new experiences and new learning.

The ups of life are nice but sometimes we learn even more from the downs. They challenge us and make us rethink plans.We adapt, and we learn from the experience. We grow when we change things. We stumble through the changes and whether we succeed or fail at least we got out there and tried. Opening doors can be scary. Who knows what is behind there but if you do not turn the knob, how will you ever know what treasures you may find.

This writing retreat is a new door for me. I know I can write ,but can I WRITE. I am not seeking book deals or Twilight style fame, I just want to write for those who know me --- family stories to preserve. Will Linda see a small spark of a writer as she works with me. What if she doesn't? But I will never know if I do not get my dogs to the kennel, my buns in the car and try. Believe me ,you will hear about the results, and I know I will learn something and that will make me better if only because I tried.

Ups an downs they are part of life. We can let them stop us . We can seek safety in preventing change. But the ups and downs shape us, teach us and in an important way make us true citizens of the world we live in and truly involved in the process of living.

random thought day

Sitting here waiting for the UPS man. Evidently he has tried three times to deliver a package to me that requires a signature or so their email says. No note on door, and I have written them saying when I will be gone but that is when they schedule delivery. So hoping they come before I have to take Winston to vet for his annual shoots or after I get back. Sorry but UPS does not my schedule dictate.

Also email has been acting up. I try sending things to students and pals with a very quick refused reply and then try again in a few minutes and it goes. copy and pasted the address so it makes no sense. Sometimes the cyber world is just weird. Oh well, it finally gets there.

Another odd thing but predictable are excuses. Dogs do not eat homework anymore but computers malfunction continually and of course since I teach night classes for the college,"I have to work or no sitter" pops up many times. I can handle it if the work gets done but so often it doesn't. Also and this is a new phenomena there are student bargainers who say I see this is a low point assignment and I do not like it, can I do something else. This happens most often in hybrid courses where much of the work is on line. No it is the assignment and do it. 10 points is ten points and that is often the difference between an "a"or a "b". Honestly , most of my students are great. they work hard, do their best and do not do any of the above and this is because so many of them are full-time in the work world or vets. they knowhow much it takes to get ahead and they are paying for it.

Winston has his annual check up to day and it is going to be hot. Hoping it will be a quick trip as it is to be in the 90's. Heat is not good for the dogs or for me. I am one of those people who like it cold. 30-75 is my prime temperature range. The icy roads which can happen in that spread are not fun, but I still like it old. I can always put on more clothes but as a female there are only so many I can take off. A brief aside on that last statement, there are some men who should never take their shirt off either. Just an observation, folks.

My guilty pleasure this summer is Wendy Williams. Can not explain it but love her chutzpa. Today she had Hney boo-boo on and I must say for once I saw her as a human---oops a real little girl not an affected brat. Still won't watch her show anyway. Another pleasure and definitely not a guilty one is Longmire and it is on tonight.

Enough for today.Have a good one.

father's day memories for my girls.

Father's Day brings him to my mine though he has been gone over 40 years. I can hear his voice, smell his after shave and almost feel his arms. He was a big man. Physically over six foot and sturdy never over weight. dark haired, bleed, he would walk int a room and become a center of moment. He did not have to try ;he just was. Often he had a cigar some where near and there was always coffee beside him. Once someone said to me "I'd hate to fight him. Look at the size of his hands.", but I never knew him to swing at anyone though I am sure he may have in his younger days.

Dad as I knew him was a blast of run and spur of the moment decisions. My mother was the planner and root put downer of our family and now I wonder how their marriage worked but it did. Perhaps because inside he was a softie content to let his women run the house and him when he was home. When he was home sounds ominous but it isn't. He was a traveling salesmen for farm equipment firms.He was good at it, until he got ill.

Memories abound. Saturdays were movie days --especially when the theater was the only air conditioned place during blistering summers. Westerns were the usual bill of fare. Randolph Scott and John Wayne became icons for me. Wayne with his "I am not...the Hell I am not" line just before he decked the bad guy was in my mind equated with Dad. He was a slow burn to anger but once it flared, it was white hot.Then just as suddenly it was gone and he was mending fences. Yet, once he had finally had it there was no going back and his politeness became icy. Thank you dad, that gene came right over into my DNA.

Another memory is his "Chicken Legs." Once when we were on the farm our neighbor Fred Strickland drained his farm. eager to stock our pond, Dad rolled up the legs of his striped overalls and filled bucket after bucket with water and fish and carried them to our pond. Fred watched this silently but finally yelled " Hey. Roy how did a big one like you get such skinny damn chicken legs?" The term stuck, Now I know they probably were the result of years of insulin injections due to toe 2 diabetes.

Dad also could get Mom to do things that I am sure she was not really sure about. One example we were living in Kearney in my third year of college, Dad walked in and said "I am going to Canada who is going along?" Mom looked at him and to his surprise said "let's go just as soon as this load of wash is done." We went straight North then to St Paul and home through the Wisconsin Dells. I used French in an area where it was native and enjoyed Mom's relaxation and enjoyment during the trip.

Now he was not perfect and I won't pretend he was. He was my center of strength,and I knew he was in my corner.He let me grow independent of him but never stopped loving me. Watching him grow weak tore at me, and when the call came, I drove all night to get to Cameron Missouri. I ran out of gas as I drove into their yard. The next day I said good bye and was unsure that he heard me, but then he lifted his hand. The next second he was gone, and my world was less than it had been before.

Yet cigar smoke and Old Spice can conjure him up . For a moment I feel his larger than life presence, his comfort floods me and I know that he gave me the world when he gave me life and love.

morning--attitude is all

Early morning and the quiet is so great. The sun is blossoming behind me as I type. It is June in quiet but the weather is not blistering. That last word "blistering" is key here as it is more spring like than a summer day in Kansas. This close to July the AM is usually in the 8o's not the 60's today. Since 80 is the maximum at which I function well, the cooler starts of the past few weeks have been enjoyable.

Lately, I have focused my thoughts on my blessings. They are normal and small-- I have a home. decent health, food - friends and an alert mind( this is a big one at my age). Some people keep a gratitude journal; I use the happy app on my phone.(Yes. I know apps.) My goal three posts a day about the things that have blessed my spirit.The act of putting them on the app makes me focus my thoughts on the positive and as they are stored there ,I can revisit them to perk myself up if something starts to bring me down. Some modern technology is great.

Also focusing on my positives allows me time to send a word up for people I love. I try to make those thoughts positive too and to support them when they need they need someone in their corner. Focusing away from the me has opened my mind once again to the truth that I am not the center of the universe.

Along with this I am trying to thank those who help me whether it is a paid service or a favor. If someone is polite and does their best, the deserve the word thank you and the please too. It is a little thing, but when someone says thank you to me I feel better so I am trying to pay it forward.

Not that I am a saint. Injustice makes me mad ,and I often speak up about it. I do not deal well with rudeness and to be honest when people are consistently rude, I often avoid being around them and am icily polite when in their presence. Overdramatic drama queening and baby talking adults get to me. Not doing things that should be done without thinking and making others pick up my slack is an irritant to me. The list is a bit longer but enough said. As I said positive attitude and acts are my goal.

a new adventure

Well I have gone and done it.I am giving a writing seminar in July at Studio thirteen. I have been thinking about doing something like this for several months so today I called Chris Taylor Block and it set for July 10th Now I have to prepare materials and a poster to get people interested. Scary but life needs challenges.

Challenging yourself is like standing at the door of an airplane ready to free fall. You want to jump but that strap you are hanging on to feels really good. The known is comfortable and safe; the new stuff could backfire and fail. Tough decision but making that jump and plunging into something new can open new worlds. New ideas and new ways to do things enrich a life but taking that jump that is not easy.

Still teaching is something I do. Creative writing is a course I have taught. But this is different. I am asking people to pay me for two hours ,and they are doing it for the fun or joy of doing it, not for a grade. Can I keep their interest; can I help them tell their story? Will they want another session? I think I can, but it is still new uncharted territory. I fi it fails, how will I feel? Well I have failed before and I am still here. So that is settled. If you ever try , you never know.

At the moment I am trying to work on my own memoir as I have mentioned. this too is new territory but it is becoming more focused. I found by doing some of the exercises I intend to teach I can unblock things. For example I sketched thoe house I lived in where one incident took place and before I knew it, I had drawn every house I had eve lived in. Not well, mind you but roughly and I could even describe some rooms in detail as to their color and wallpaper. Memories( stories really) came with every floor plan. Heavens the mind can hide tons of impressions until one calls them out.

I firmly believe that every one has at least one story in them, and it is worth telling. I am also coming to think that many families are not sharing their stories even with family members because social media keeps us texting and tweeting. So I hope some of those who still believe in the stories will join me in July.

changes

It is suppertime and all three dogs are clustered at my feet begging. I never eat alone at home, but just as they beg , I rarely share. Trying to keep them on the right track as I reform my own habits. One new habit is I am walking a bit every day and hope to get a bit more mileage each day.When it is hot or muggy I have to do it early as the heat gets to me. Another new habit is drinking less coffee and so the body is adjusting. when home one french press pot if I go to Brewed awakening I add a large bold. Still less than I had everyday when I was using a Mr. Coffee or a Keruig. I am also drinking it slower and tasting it more.

This blog is a new habit, and I actually miss it the days i do not write even the post is just a hi you all. It causes me to focus my thoughts into a solid from. It may not be earth shattering but it is me as I am on the day I write it. No apologies, it is me.

Writing is becoming central to my day. Trying to get family stories down so I can improve them. This is the splash it down so I can revise it later period. Some days nothing happens; other it just flows. I find fiction goes more quickly. Any way this year has been great as I have been published in everyone of the last five Story Circle Network Journals. It is for my ego and so encouraging to know others like my stuff.

Another new thing but not a habit is returning to actively working to elect a man I believe in. I have done this in Nebraska, and now am backing the Davis Docking ticket in Kansas,

So new habits but not a new me. A changed me of course but not a new me. Changes do change us and It is my hope that these are creating a better me as I face not being a working woman in the next few years. That will be a del change for me; i might have to be a Walmart greeter or an early morning Micky d's counter lady. Who knows. Working is such a part of my idea of self that not working will be a real adjustment. Changes are good, aren't they?

the good the bad.

So it is Tuesday and my summer class stars tonight. I am teaching it on three campuses at once via ITV. Technology allows this. I am fond of the method and the ease it allows students but have to admit it lacks personal connection for me. Therefore I try to make visits to teach from each campus. The personal connection is for me at least something that makes teaching easier and more fulfilling.

I had a nice thing happen last week. At Buhler National Honor Society initiates ask a teacher to pi them at induction. I got a tex asking me to do this from a French student and the ceremony is Sept 21st. I was so pleased to say yes. when a student does something like this you feel you have done you job. I smiled all day.

Another nice thing was having family visit this weekend. They came in late Friday and left early Sunday. It was a busy Saturday of shopping, talking and a late night show. Exhausting but so dang satisfying;

Before I forget, Friday was good for another reason as a good pal and I took her children to Frozen. A good movie and great on the big screen, it was better seen with them.

Monday's house party for Davis docking was good. New people came

Only one not so good thing -- a good pal ended up in the ER and was held for observation. I am awaiting news from her. It was so sudden but another friend was with her and that help.