Ok it is the day after Christmas and in this electronic age I have seen pictures of my family and had a couple of texts but have not actually heard their voices. Sometimes I wonder if technology is such a good thing.
Packing for Belize is today's goal and I actually wonder if it is worth it. but I recall the richness of an even quicker over Thanksgiving Vienna sprint and am quickly in the mood again. Rides are arranged to and from the airport. Have to be there at 6 tomorrow in the am and return the first at 11:12 ( probably 11:30), dog sitting also scheduled( but i should call and see if I can get them into apple lane today get for shots and tags),money secured for the trip etc so I am prepared except for packing,which you can guess I am avoiding. Might run to CJBanks this am as they are having a sale.Maybe Something new may put me in the mood.
However unless a change rushes in the weather both end of the trip looks like good roads. At this time of year that is a really good thing. For Kansas one might even say it is a great thing! I HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN BLIZZARD PRONE STATES and to be truthful the change of seasons is something I find necessary. Seasonal shifts of only a few degrees would bore me silly.
Working on blanket project and decided to knit across by rows. so nine squares and then the next nine.
The colors are looking good. Shanon really guided me well. The squares are easy almost no think knitting but oh will I be a mattress stitch expert when it is all sewn together. Maybe I will knit it , store it and let the girls get it done when I have gone on. NOT!
Knitting and reading are my relaxation modes of operation. Am reading a Death at Pemberly now by P.D.James. Set six years after Darcy and Elizabeth wed it is a good read and mimics Austen's style of prose almost too well.Next up is Micheal Connelly's newest and hopefully not long after that the new Stabenow Shugak tome.Taking the Kindle fire on the trip and reading the freebies from Amazon I have loaded. Most of which are quite readable. Life From Scratch is an example of that genre.
Yesterday was an on demand day as I viewed Midnight is Paris, clever woody allen at his best and Sarah's key which could have been maudlin but wasn't. In fact I enjoyed it more than the book,
Well more when I get back because of course I WILL go. I DO NOT FEAR THE TERRORISTS that several pals have warned me about or plane crashes( much more likely than the other) as always God is in charge. His will is mine and he knows my future well.

So here I am drinking coffee planning my day. First up the furnance man.Oops need to put the pups up before he gets here.Done! No I am not out of warmth in the house or the heart but both are getting a check up this vacation. Furnance needs it and bonus he will change the filter too. Thanks Linda for making this possible today. Next phone shopping as Verizon has proven way too expensive for Dana and family so we are switching to Straight phone a no contract service. Miriam their exchange student has one and spends hours on phone longer than my daughter and her family with full web for 45 a month. Can not hurt to try it.

He has arrived , right on time. One plus sign for that company. How many times have I been given a time only to wait for hours and have a no show. Another thank you for Linda. She can pass the kudos to her boss. I hope he says it will last a while longer. I know a newer one would be more efficient but do not want to think about it until at least August.

Often the small things such as working furnace,good water, food to spare and decent clothes are overlooked. When I hear people yearning for a Coach bag or a fancy something or other especially when it is a teen who is expecting family to provide it with no part of it at their cost, I sit back and wonder why and how this sense of entitlement comes about. My childhood was not deprived as I was an only child of hardworking parents, but I do not remember the things I had. My memories are rich with the afternoons Dad I went to the movies together, the Sundays Mom and I raced to the finish of the crossword , of her meals and baking, Dad"s old spice( smelling that brings him back to me even today) and his cigars. I remember how I felt secure.loved and cherished because of time spent with me, talking to me and supporting me in my troubles and in my dreams. Now I sometimes wonder if I passed this on to my girls. I recall telling them we had just somuch money for lunch at Mickey ' dees but we had lunch.I remember making their clothes, holding their horses, watching them walk cows, play sports, going to state fair and state track. Then there are the meals in the fields with their Dad and the hired men. None of these really are centered on money though they did cost money. They are full of the pride I felt when they did their best and the warmth of time spent together as we showed dogs, baked for 4 h etc. This is the true richness of life and what warms my heart everytime something brings a memory to mind.

When I said old spice brought my Dad to the room , I meant that. I can actually feel his presence when I smell that aftershave or agua veleva.He was big man--- six foot or better with the bulk of it.
He had a temper and would often let us see it but his anger was never abusive physically or verbally. His love was his main strength; His women felt secure,safe and cherished. Mom was allowed her independence and I was never forced into a preconceived mold. Mom's spirit enters the room everytime I hear a joke I want to share with her and nearly 20 years later I often reach for the phone to call her and share it. NO, I do not dwell on their absence in my life but there are things or moments that make me recall all that they gave me.

Others are missed in much the same way. Grandma James knitting and her blue enamel roaster full of cookies, aunt mary's gardens,Aunt kate's laughter, Grandma shubert's spirit,Anamae's getle smile and spirit, aunt maggie's outrageous love of life and uncle ted enjoying it. Too many to mention but let me say at this time of year those memories are near the surface, They comfort and fortify me. It is my hope that my girls will feel I have left them such strong and happy gifts.

Time to get on with the day. Merry Christmas and happy memories to my readers.
















t

Waiting out the weather -- snow or ice or both. Hope it is not as bad as predicted. Never got out much under last boss and so I am wondering what the new one will do. It is finals week so a delay really messes up review and or typing. I did get packages mailed and blankets delivered.Had one errand but it was not urgent so I put it off until tomorrow.

This break I will visit Belize. Nice to see a new place and one I never imagined seeing. I always wanted to visit England and France, but never dreamed I would do it so often. Each trip I see and learn some new thing that wakes me to the richness of the world we live in. History comes alive and you see those " stars" of history as real people. It is honestly a bit hard for me to understand that there are those who do not care to travel even within our own borders.

Short one today ; more later or tomorrow.

A monkey flyer and Starbucks coffee---my secret Santa rocks. I have mine covered and am debating whether to give my secret Santa a scarf I am making for the heck of it. It is more craft than knitting thought it uses knitting's bind off methods. The thing is is it way longer than I think necessary.If I were to do another which I doubt I would make two scarves from the skein not one.
Next week is an intense one for students. Two days of class and one and a half of semester tests. MY upper division French classes are doing a 200 point presentation rather than a written exam and French one is doing a 100 point presentation plus a verb form exam. The difference between the two lies in time and amount of French required in the presentation. I actually enjoy these as It is fun to see them use technology to present the material and word heavy power points are discouraged. Also 90% of the time I learn something new. Also they are easy to grade and my grades can be done before I leave for Belize.
Have not traveled internationally for a couple of years, Belize will be a good break. Have never been there or to that section of Latin America so it will be new. besides beaches in winter can not be a bad thing. Also it will prime me for the student trip in May to England,Ireland Wales and Paris. This will be retracing areas I have visited many times before and that is enjoyable also.Again I will see new things among the remembered sites. It is not deja vu but what is a word to describe that-- nouvelle nostalgia maybe.
Travel has given me so much----airport delays, reversed trip plans, sore feet and crooks in the neck to name a view. Seriously it has opened my eyes to new ways of seeing the world and new ways to live life that has helped me understand that there is no one right way to be. I believe it has helped me discover that there is a richness to be found in every place, race or individual person if one does not prejudge the place or the person. This ability to look for the good or talent in everyone is a necessity for a teacher though at times disappointment is in the offering, taking the chance for the most part pays off. Sometimes you never know if you touched the life and at other times you find out you did at the most unexpected times and ways.

Lately on Facebook I have seen posts with mention of miscarriages and the dates they happened as far back as 1998 and I wonder why? I miscarried my only boy between Dana and Becky. I can not recall the date only that mulberries were ripe. That and the hospital label of spontaneous abortion. I mourned the lost but not as I would have had it been still born or lost after several years of being a living part of me. I do not down these women most of whom have living children but wonder how they can mourn what God felt he needed to call back because it could not fully have his gift of life. Reading these posts puzzles me and I wonder am I less of a mother because I do not or rather did not do so.
I am a reality type person, and I live in that reality. I do not miss things that have gone from my life( people yes. often want to share some joke with mom or see a movie with dad) Content with each day I live I do not fret and worry much about past or future. I enjoy what I have through his Grace. I delight in the things He allows me to enjoy--- a sunset, my dogs snoring, my grandchildren on Facebook, time with friends and students, a quiet night, a good joke. Small moments of joy and oceans of contentment define me. there is no diva in De Vries.
Christmas causes me to reflect. It is the end of another year. Can I wish things different? Maybe but will that make it so? NO. I can plan to repair what I can but then I must let go and let God. The future same operational mode. Do I wish my kids were closer? Yes. Can I make it happen? NO. so I enjoy whatever time I have with them in whatever manner of communication we share. AM I less of a mother or grandmother because of that? I hope not but it is really their decision not mine and I can not make it for them.So once again I am content and life moves on. St.Francis of Asissi's prayer says it all. Accept what I can not change

Can not think of a title for this one; so my miniscule group of readers can make up their own. Last night ended another semester of adjunct teaching on the college level. Every semester presents some new challenges and this one held one I feel proud to have met. It also had a blessing as most of them do, but this year's creative writing class was a bonus. It was hard to see it end.

Listening to an odd mix of Christmas songs, jazz, rock, parody ( Fruitcake>Funny) and reverent, after all it is my favorite season of the entire year. It is not about the gifts I will give or the ones I will get. For me the season is the sense of sharing our care, when we allow ourselves to see some one else's need and being able to help them.

Yesterday was so relaxing. Learned how to do a lacy scarf in just minutes and then went to see Hugo with Holly and her girls. If you know anything about early films, you will find its usage of actual footage fascinating but for many it will move slowly. There are a few chases but no explosives.It is the story of the human spirit, the need for connection and the renewal of the spirit. Shot in tones of brown and other earth colors the settings reflect the serious tone of the story. The flower stand and the uniform of the policeman are the deepest colors and they are the love story. Symbolism?

There are two films at Christmas I wish to see---Tin Tin due to its French conections and We bought the zoo just because it looks to be interestingly family centered. Each of these offer more to me than the current vampire love films and these are done with expert hands. Though admittedly the Twilight series has improved. I still think the Cruise/Pitt vampire film is one of the best in years and True Blood on HBO which is based on the Sookie Stackhouse series are also well done.

Today ??????????? Plans are to do some cleaning house and car, a grocery and library run. This week will be more of the same as I am free every afternoon after 2 until classes begin in January at HCC. Life is basically good and fulfilling.

There is something about the moose that calls to me. Lumbering and not exactly handsome they make me speculate. They sally forth into their world confident they will survive though they are assembled from what looks like the spare parts out of God's creation box. Standing in water up to their dewlap or striding through the pines they make their presence known. Yes they are big and capable of harming anything smaller but they do not present an angry exterior. Instead they reek of acceptance of their lot and content with what comes to them.

I am much like a moose. I am assembled from spare parts ( the brain being the best one in my opinion) and there are times I definitely lumber through the day. Confident in my mien, not always I must admit. Content in my situations ---Hmmm! again I must admit to being at times ill content. I am human you know not a moose.

But there are lessons to be learned from the moose God's after thought he may be. He looks in the water and sees his reflection and is content with what he sees. How many of us can do that. We are too heavy, too thin, too dark, too pale etc. When we go out to earn our way in the world we fight against the complexities of life. We look for excuses or place blame. Some even deny God and wade through the mire unassisted and alone. Now Moose do not know God or at least not as we do but they just get on getting on.
Sometimes we need to do that thing---shrug our shoulders, pull ourselves together and do what has to be done. Most of the time this is an effort with a capital"E"; life is not fair. Yet jumping the hoops, smiling with the wins and the losses. helping others can make life and an adventure and also fulfilling.

So the moose is my favorite animal and I hope I have learned from him and by adding creator to my life. I can like the moose lumber my spare parts forward to a meaningful life.

Sunday

A sunny Sunday after silvery misty Saturday thoughit is actually much colder today than yesterday. For me it is a slow day as I woke at three and returned back to bed around six and re-awoke at 9. So my get up and go is slower than normal. If someone came by and said let's go Mary I would but really need an outside motivater today. Any volunteers?

Actually I am accomplishing some things. Becky has me editing a presentation,and I found fleece for blanket project at the French Party and a gently used blanket to add to the pile. Also I am trying to think up essay topics for the English comp final and will soon begin the Spanish 1 final. In addition I have clean clothes to store away. So the day will not be unproductive but nothing is going to be rushed and rushed. Need to think of a movie to watch as we tie blankets and eat tomorrow night. Guess today is a mix of cerebral and physical exercise.

Need to work on that lastitem and find some form of exercise. I plan on using school treadmill and perhaps mall walking in the icy months and dillons nature center in the nicer ones. Tai chi is also an interest and want to enroll in a session of that soon. I am not a zumba dancer or boot camp exerciser.Pilates interests me but only if I have the platform. I have a treadmill at home but dogs have claimed it as a guard post. Besides once I get in my door, housework or paperwork claims my time. And of course writing has a hour or so too. No time to be lonely though I am alone. Yet due to faith I am never really alone.

little things

It is a rainy Saturday morning and I am so hoping there is not a repeat of the ice storm several years ago. But if it should come we tough Kansans will survive as we did once before and even once before that. Nature can vent its grouchy moods on us but it only proves we have the grit to come back and often to come back stronger. Now that is not a dare, Mom N.The moisture is great and welcome it after a dry season.
Last night was sterling proof that the best things in life are simple and mostly free. Old sweaters, old tee shirts,simple food and doing things together gave me tons of pleasure. Mixed ages 12 to my ancient age were laughing together and crafting. I knitted. Tee shirts became scarves and old sweaters became Christmas wreaths. More important the laughter and the feeling of accomplishment filled the room as we shared each other's spirits. From such small things much joy comes.
Most of My Christmas shopping is done. Some gifts bought,some made and some gift cards make up the mix. I may have to ship most of them but the pleasure of sharing what God has given me and of myself is much larger than the money spent and the time it takes to shop and ship.
Possessions are nice. A warm home in winter and more important to me a cool one in the heat of summer, clean clothes enough food to be healthy money enough to pay bills, books to read and something to write with, these are my basic desires. Diamonds, high fashion, fancy cars have never been on my wish list. I guess that is my parents gift to me and my hippie youth showing through.
Sunrises, sunsets, snow, sunny sands, people I feel close to, these are what fulfill me. Last night was one of those simple blessings. The Bible quotes Jesus as saying if you believe you shall not want and even in the 23rd Psalm of the older books says the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want,and I am firm in the belief that this is not only material things but the things of the spirit. It is not easy but since I have decided to let go and let God, life has been much more full and more content.

Thursday, December 1, 2011 two nights
Funny how classes can make or break a day. I woke up after a fairly sleepless night loaded with grouchy bear syndrome. My French classes at BHS drowned the bear WITH THIER LET'S DO THIS ATTITUDE AND LAUGHTER AS THEY LEARNED. My Wednesday night class for Hutch CC at Newton has been a trial due to one student's constant me me griping. But a pal said do not respond in kind as you are bigger than that. It has been a stuggle but I have done that and I am congratulating myself on a job well done, It was also consolation to find other teachers have met the same student with the same results. Tonight my creative class had their last work night and I hate to see it go. Held on three campuses via ITV it has been a delight every night I have met with it. It has been a bright spot every week. Not only are they writers they are personable, interesting people and willing workers.

Other professions have touched my life---reporter, Pizza place night manager, avon lady but teaching is where I truly beleive God wants me. I feel fulfilled when I teach and I firmly beleive the subject mmatter is important but that you teach so much more. In all my years only 2 or 3 students stand out as I wish I never had met. Funny 2 of them have been this semester---one on each level. Sometimes I wonder if I have made a difference because I can be so blunt,. Then I get text from a student saying going to Europe with me as a junior has led her to travel all her life and opened her eyes to the fact that not all people live like those in her hometown and that they are truly nice any way, another hears that Prairie winds needs funds and sends a donation. I expect 25 at most and he sends 150. Another messages on Fb that she needs an address so she can send a donation. Wow those are proof that some way some how I touched those lives. What a good feeling.

So God help to continue to be teacher that students can learn form and turn to in my last years in a profession that I love. Thank you for my desire to teach and my love of the people in the classroom. Thank you for the colleagues that bless my life with knowledge and frienships. I have had some down eras in my life but this gift of and love of my profession has give me much to be thankful for and has sustained me. It also is good at doing away with grouchy bear syndrome.

finishing yesterday

Ok I know I said I would be back but it didn't happen. Not sorry about the lapse as I spent it ingood company doing something creative. Four women, old seaters, batting,foam wreaths and geegaws. The results are on my FB page and my door.So with outside lights up I am done decorating for the season. For may the tree is the season but for me it is in thelittle things, cards, hellos, coffee time ---these are the things that make the season bloom.

One more sleeve to put a 2 row band on and I will wear my sweater vest tomorrow. Black and orange cap is nearly done, and so next on the list is the sleeve to the bohaus so I can join it and move on to its fair isle pattern.That will be a challenge but I hope to have it done by 2012 or very early in the new year. The cap has some self designed fair isle so I could play with the pattern and the method. Enjoyed but the bohaus will still get to me as it has three colors of yarn. I also plan to cast on the gansey so I can knit the " fancy damn sweater" as heather often called it. I will remember her with every stitch on the piece.

Writing happened this vacation too and Herb Lore is beginning to take shape. Oddly eough I am having a change of heart about Odd bit of fluff( working title) may bring the man out of time to our century rather than sending her back into the past. Plan on doing something withthat today and tomorrow. College classes wind up by the 8th of December so I will have time to work on these pieces.

So tomorrow it is back to the real world and work I love even with its frustrations. Back to time schedules, lesson plans, grading and the hope that some of the students will value the class. The routine gives my life structure; the hope gives me a purpose in life. Teachers not all of the classroom type touched my life and maybe just maybe I have and can do that for the year or two left to me on the high school level.

So I have been blog lazy. No good reason Just not much to say,or just plain lazy.Have been working on knitting. One more sleeve band and the lace insert vest is done.Have to look for a new challenge pattern, traditional gansey here I come. Only two ufo's( unfinished objects) on the needles. Bohaus cardigan is another one is on the block to finish next and to break the tension I am working on my kimono sweater in remix.

Actually put pages onto Herb Lore and the plot is about to become more complex. The evil is about to enter the text but at the moment it is a bit amorphus in the brain. When it gels a bit, I wll be able to get it into the story.

to be continued.......

day before T day

Well I made it through the Tuesday before Thanksgiving once again and found it easier.For those reading I lost my Mom 1992 the Tuesday before Tday. For the first few years it was really tough as Mom And I had been close.She was the central figure of my life and Dad was the other half. Still as Dad was a travelling salesman , Mom I faced frozen pipes, unwanted lambs, hectic shopping and a myraid other minor troubles together. Faced a few big ones too, Dad's death, my divorce to mention two. She talked to me everyday, fed me on weekends, cooked for me when I taught in Nebraska, babysat the kids, joked with me and reprimanded when I needed it. Sometimes I will see something she would enjoy, and I actually find myself reaching for the phone.

Thanksgiving is my holiday alone. Girls are too far for the few days we have off and often travel weather is not good. I miss family at this time but am content with way things are. Essentially it does not bother me to be alone, and I bet many only children would say that. We learn early to entertain ourselves. Being alone does not equate lonliness. Though I admit when they call it is as Martha S. says it is a good thing.

Christmas is different. We usually manage to get the Neb-Kan contingent together. The vacation time is longer so weather can be coped with. This year I may have done it in as I am scheduled to spend New Year's in Belize. Just could not turn down a free trip to a new place.

I cannot count how many times I think of family in a day.Sara is the ultimate mommy and her house is open and loving. The Other girls run thier houses as family and friends havens too but they have less family. Dana has done well in her career and he truck driver husband makes life intereting trying to remember just where he is. She like my Mom has to face things when he is on the road. beckyand family are more urban than the rest of us and she is busy with jopb ,family and school. I am proud of them all and of thier offspring. I am interested in their comings and goings but try not to meddle. they have their lives to live andcan include me inwhat they wish to share. They are strong,independent women,and I like to think I had sommething to do with that.

So when I am gone, I hope that they will also reach for the phone or Facebook to share something they think I will enjoy. That is the best type of memorial.

Finally the term papers for the college are done. On the whole a better set than most as there were no failures if they were handed in. Honestly I do not think I even blessed one with a d. Maybe I should regrade them.LOL.

Dogs are sleeping and Eric is gatherring the leaves up. A load of whites just finished in the machine and I should be grading or making a list for the grocery run. NO big meal to prepare for this holiday, no rush to travel aywhere. I may just be in fleece pants and tshirts all vacation. Not really, I plan on Mass and a class at Yarn--- making a wreath out of an old sweater. The challenge there is deciding which sweater to recycle. Could go to Good Will I guess.

Today is a day of to do's. Review days for French,car service, grading, knitting maybe. Coffee with an ex- student to help her edit a paper. Nice to know she values my input and I value her friendship. Car just called and it needs alignment. I thought it might so I am thankful I can get it done today. Well actually the car didn't call; the dealer did. Another crossed off the list.

The weather is dim today or sunless.Not really gray and rainy but not bright and definitely not sunny. Some may say the weather is nasty but I am, as I said before, rather fond of it. In some other life I must have lived on the Atlantic shoreline because the Puritan soul in me comes alive in such conditions. My spirit sings and things get done.

Christmas light are up and I shall be tracing the prophecies of and fulfillment of His birth once again. It is never old and new insight comes each year due to the lessons living has taught me during the year. Enuff said for today.

a quickie

The 25 till christmas films are on.Pretty sappy but a wonderful tradition and good family viewing. One of my students was counting down until they came on. It is nice that some one can get excited about family entertainment.,

Just got reminded that my only aunt from either side who is still alive will be 97 in February. However she no longer is the sharp knife in the drawer and hardly knows her own child. While a long life is a gift, when you cease being a true part of it I wonder. Still it is not ours to choose. Mom lived until she was eighty and passed away the Tuesday before Thanksgiving in 1992. She was pretty alert and fiesty until the end though I had begun to detect some changes. At any rate the anniversary is near and each year I recall how much love she gave me and hope she knows that I returned that love.

Time flies by with jet speed now. As a child it took forever for the holiday season to come. Now it seems I turn around and find I am thinking of gifts and travel and all the rest of the folderal that goes with the season. The enjoyment of the season has changed since my girls are grown and the grands are all 12 or older. Less baking etc as I live in the middle of the tribe and not close to any, and that is good since I have to say no to most of it anyway.It has become a time to relax reflect, and to recharge physically and spiritually.

saturday before t day

Two day week next week and I seem to be in vacation mode already. This not a good thing for classroom productivity, but from another view starting new material before a 5 day break in a subject is not productive either. My classes are all at that point---especially French 1 and 2. So I will spend this weekend pulling up review exercises for material covered. Do not plan to have homework over the vacation either as it is either not done or not done well. My vacation plans are simple.Stay in Hutch no long drives which saves gas,money and nerves. I will knit, read, hibernate and readjust my moods and body. Some people are aghast when I say this but my family is too far away or too busy with in- laws. Actually the time alone after teaching 5 days a week and three nights is welcome. No dealing with whiners or silly questions.It is not a selfish thing in my mind,but as an only child of older parents noise and fuss and such were never much of a factor in my life. I love my work and love my family even more but battery recharge time is necessary. Now this not mean pals can not drop in , call or have coffee dates. It is just that being alone does not mean I feel abandoned or lonely and I even at times welcome the quiet of myself and the pups. Speaking of soul( battery) recharge I often wonder about the people who are in a social whirl that leaves them little time to just sit. Just sit and reflect--- no video games, no television, no distractions form the outside as they read a book or become quietly aware of their surroundings. These times allow one to know oneself, to assess one's progress in life, to readjust or just to be. I need these moments. I wonder if others do to. When I re-oin life, I am ready to so whole heartly. Laundry today and perhaps a stop at Yarn to purl some stitiches on an unfinished project(hereafter known as an UFO) and coffe with a pal if the occasion comes up.Yet of none of these happen, I am content. Like St.Paul who learned to live in any circumstances content because of his faith in Christ, I am stiving to be content with life as it is not as I hope it is or will be.

THURSDAY random thoughts

So I am a bit dis-organized today as I broke my routine yesterday Funny thing is I do not think I am a creature of habit until I do this and my world implodes. By second hour I will be back on track but getting there will be a small adventure. On Facebook last night one of my students thought humans should go into hibernation for the winter as bears and other animals do. I am with her except for the extra weight required to make it work. I probably would over do and actually gain weight as I slept. Still the suggestion brought up an idea that runs through my mind every year at this time. Did we when were in the cave state actually semi hibernate during the dark days of winter? It seems that as the days grow shorter I retire to bed earlier. So is it something many of us do and is it related to days when warmth and safety was found in the cave after dark so less hours equaled more time in the dark. Somewhat related to that is my love affair with polar fleece. A t-shirt and a pair of these pj bottoms on cold nights with hot cider or coffee in a cup is nearly heaven. A favorite or new good read completes the nirvana on earth. It does not take 300 purses and 1500 heels to make me happy. Cool in summer, warm in the cold,food,and books are all i need. Polar Fleece is the icing on the cake--warmth and no weight. To be truthful contentment is something that comes from inside not from things. If you are not happy with yourself everything is tainted with the unrest in your emotions. Not being bitter is a tough action to manage but if you do life is so much happier. Let go and let God.

It has been a couple of days and I am itching to write. Not that I have any profound thoughts but I want to make this a habit.Ergo this may be short but it will be and that is the important thing. Talking with students today about attitude and study habits. Some of my brightest students have no sense of time usage. Until now they could read and produce in no time at all but a language is different; one has to study. I guess it resonates with me because I never had to study until I began a formal study of Spanish and got beyond algebra 1. These classes taught how to manage time, what to study, when and how to ask the questions to get the answers to help me. Languages once I began to recognize patterns became easier. Higher math was and still is a puzzle to me; but struggling through math taught me to work until I got it and somehow it led me to believe that a and b will always be c. Life is a series of choices and those we make ,make us what we are. Action a + choice b usually ends up with result C. Yet Life like math has variables. Making bad a choices may stop when a person sees the light, another person explains the pattern and its result, or something major happens to make you change. Maturity comes from realizing which of our choices is good or bad and that often our choices affect others who care for us. Maturity is also making choices that are less fun in the present because in the long run it is the better choice. Going to work when you rather sleep in helps you keep a job. Studying the material and not just skimming so you can pass the test and the class.Some facts of life are just that facts that one must do to have the better choices in the future. In my college classes there are many students who start a class only to fail it due to absences or lack of assignments being done. Maturity is also not whining. The English call it whinging.I love the sound of that word,as it sounds like the vocal tone of one who is doing it. The world is not all about you and your problems real or perceived. Honestly seek answers; do not make excuses and the help you need will be there. Whining, complaining, explaining why your life is not good soon becomes a boring litany that gains no sympathy. Recently had one of these in class and soon no one listened or tried to help her because instead of listening her constant I can't do this or I am so ill due to this class caused everyone to become deaf to her statements. We are for the most part what our choices have made us. Thankfully most of mine have been good, and I am content with my identity and my life.

Sunday A death in the family

As predicted the dogs had me up at five to go outside like humans they are creatures of habit. So making mass was no biggie and really attendance does my entire week good. There is something about joining others in faith that helps the rough spots of a week smooth out before they even come up. It will be a rough week for my ex's family as they lost one of the twelve early this morning. Jack had a massive heart attack and never really regained awareness after they brought him back. Surgery gave him a minor chance but he had a d andr order so he is gone. The doctors felt he was brain dead at any rate so it is for the best. This is the second of the twelve to go as Wayne went earlier and Ray the beloved in -law is also gone. NOthing signals the passing of time as a death in the family circle even in a circle that you no longer belong to. Jack was the different one of the DeVries. He never married and after leaving the Navy he lived at home until his mother's death. He found her as if asleep in her bed from a massive heart attack. Then he spent years in Omaha with little family contact until he returned to Araphoe. He was gentle and I can recall the things he did for my girls. As an only child my aunts,uncles, and cousins were part of my extended family. Cousins are still here but only one Aunt remains.Mary is in her 90s and up until a few years ago lived on the family farm. Now age has taken a tool on her memories but she still walks the chambers of mine as do my parents and all the others who blessed my childhood and early adult years. Because of them, Ohio and Pennsylvania are still home ground to me. They helped form the person I am. Others grace the walkways of my memories also. Miss Thompson of Minden High School who never gave up proving to me I could do math( needed her inCollege trig), Sister DePores and Father Kazmereck whose personlities and piety impressed me, David Dwyer for his raucous intelligent mind and others who when recalled make me realize that I was blessed to know them. At times I wonder how will I be and who will remember me,but I do not worry much about it as I have no control over others' memories. I am happy to think I have loved and been loved. That is all anyone can ask. Jack, you are remembered and it is with gentle love.

radom thought ona saturday morn

Saturday and yes I am up--- the chihuahuas do not read days of the week. Did take them out at 5 and then went back to bed until they had a seven am potty howl. At times like these I envy cat owners until I remember the litter box. Life is full of such ironies. Still the day is started and load one is just finishing in the washer. Buhler lost its bid for state last night.Hutch News wrote an overview of the season that makes it seem inevitable because of the teams we played during the regular season which,even I who does not care for football much, feels a bit like gloating as the Salthawks won. Next year BHS faces a new line up of teams. So that may a true test of our grit and get us some better press. That being said I wonder about a state or perhaps a country that cuts funding to those in need and the arts but sees nothing wrong with billions in salaries, stadioums etc for sports.Is it a parallell to the gladiators of ancient Rome? Atany rate it is a blessing to live in a country where such extremes can be discussed openly without fear. Some will not listen and close there ears to opposing views but I have learned by listening even though hearing it has rankled my own beliefs at the time. Admittedly this tolerance was something I had to work for in my life, as I tend to be a bit determined( bull headed?) Well the mundane chores of a weekend are calling me from the computer. Maybe I will return to this blog but Herb Lore awaits.

11/11/201//

Short periods today due to musical, big game on the road to state tonight, lunch with Amber, all things to be thankful for but two big ones are JEANS at work and more importantly our freedom and American lifestyle hard won by the Veterans and those still serving in all our wars. These next two months for me are full of wonderful memories and recollections of loses. Thanksgiving was when I realized my marriage was over and two years later my mother passed away the Tuesday before T-day. Yet, I can remember being with family as the girls grew up and I grew up.The laughter, the food , the quiet afternoons and the supper of leftovers bounce around the sadder thoughts and remove them. It was and is still my favorite holiday because it is so family centered and less money centered than others in the year. So as it approaches my thoughts are always one step away from tears but two steps into love and contentment. It is a good balance, December is also a mixed bag of recollections. All of my grand parents except Flossie passed away sometime in the month. I was too young to really register the passing of my grandfathers but I was in college when Janie passed. She was a barely 5 ft package of iron will with a wicked sense of humor and deep faith.I can remember her in a bed at a care center with a collapsed spine saying I will come home. The doctors kept saying no, but she did walk again. How ? She said "The power of prayer" and as I grow nearer her age i have give that statement more and more credit. But like November, December has its happy memories. The times the girls were young around the tree laughing and jumping with joy are happy memories. the visits at Christmas from family or going to be with them are also joyful. I remember flying to Boosier and the hostess wearing a Santa hat, passing out drinks, and leading us in carols. I remember the first Christmas with Andy and Becky in that town, and bantoffee pie at Sara's and kk 'and dana when they were a unit making it the best of it. Love was always a huge part of the laughter and wrapping paper and still is. Life is not easy but if there is love it is wonderful.

changes

The change in seasons makes me think of change and how we as people deal with it. Some like tadpoles try to make small changes while really never changing the major stucture of their lives. Some rush to it the way a waterfall cascades down a mountain- headlong without thought.Others fight it all the way much as salmon fight their way upstream.Still others go with the flow accepting the new path of their life like water seeking its own level.I have probably done all the forms of acceptance but find myself being water as I age. I have come to accept change as proof that I am indeed alive, and that seeking the comfortable level and letting Him carry the rest is best. Change I think is harder to accept if is not our choice or if it comes unannounced and shocks us. Though I never read it WHO ATE MY CHEESE deals with the acceptance of change. Those who read it say it is a good commentary on the effects of change, but upon observing the effects of change in my life and the lives of those I love the thing that change shakes up the most is self-image. We are forced to see ourselves in a new way and sometimes enter an entire new social world. But on the whole changes molds us into the persons we are--flaws and gems together. It not easy to become newly molded but most of us find that we come out of the kiln of change a better grade of porcelain. Divorce changed my life style and my self-image. Various job changes made me aware of skills that would have been unknown otherwise. My children grew and motherhood changed. I morphed into being a grandmother. While I am still actively working, I can see that ending in the next two or three years. This is definitely a water change; one I am nearly ready for so I am beginning to seek what the "new"me will do.Like water I will seek my most comfortable level and re-invet my image and lifestyle once again. I know I will write, knit and read. What else will fill my hours will develop during the process of changing.

Another cool day---fall is here for several days but it is back to higher temps Thursday. Reminds me of Two tramps in Mud Time by Robert Frost. there is line about being in May and two steps back into March that strikes home with me Another line about vocation and avocation being the same making happiness really applies to my life. I have worked for three newspapers, at Powderhorn Pizza in SD, and sold Avon, but true satisfaction on the job has come from teaching whatever level. At present I am teaching French at BHS and various classes for Hutch Community College. There are many things that are different about the two levels. College teaching is more straight forward if it is not done it is not done and the resulting grade is the grade. Not true on the high school level. However the students are similar---whiners, doers, and those who excel The ones who excel only need guidance and off they go to sail the learning ocean, the doers do what they are told too maybe with some struggles but they persist and survive, the whiners always have an excuse, diddle around and do sloppy sloppy hurried work or do not do it all. In College classes there are also no shows, those who pay for class but do not attend and do not drop. Of all these attitudes whining and no shows bother me the most. I do not see how they will ever earn their way but actually some do well later in life. Always a surprise to those of us who dealt with them in the class room. There are other classes or stereotypes of course. Poor little rich kid, dopers, ropers, gangsta preppy, dumb jock, air head cheerleader are all terms heard in the hall and the staff room. Labels that are attached by the dress or actions of the person being labelled. Often in fact more often than not they do not deal with the real person beneath the label. Yet people seem to need to label those around them. I try not to label those who walk through my door but to accept them and treat them as they treat me and have found some amazing people beneath the label. I plan on suing this approach until my active teaching ends and in any new situation I may find myself. "Judge not less you be Judged is a warning from the Bible and it is my mantra. What is yours.

cloudy and cool

Fall is here. Cloudy and cool today with rain and we do need it. Many are griping about the cold but it is my element. I love the bright golds yellows and reds of the trees as they begin to go dormant. Their defiant colors proclaim that life may slow but it does not always end. Besides there is enough of the puritan in my that like Lowell the pearl grey skies and streams of the season. Often think I should be on New England"s granite like coastline with the sea hitting the shore; not even the slightest desire for the balmy one weather locations available in the USA and the world. Fall brings flannel sheets, crockpot meals, hot chocolate,knitting and good books. It used to bring snuggling kids but they have grown flown and are snuggling with their own nestlings such is the pattern of life. this a season of recollection,and reflection. It is a slower paced life than the rush of summer and a respite before fierce winter storms besiege us with their howling blinding fury. we need this time every year and those years that are the fall of our life itself. Even He had a seventh day of rest. For me fall is a productive season. I feel more alert, more interested in creating things, more alive in total. Even winter does not slow me down much though it may impede travel. I can always get warm and add more clothes but I can only remove so many in the summer. Do not want to scare the neighbors. I am at the fall of my life and in many ways I am parading my colors. Life forces are slowing but still flowing. My students keep the sap flowing. I also seem to have become a mentor of sorts for some people I value for their friendship. Maybe I am the elder sage in the tribe? If so, it is not a bad place to be.

blocked!!

Today I can not teach at BHS anyway. Students and 1 donated 200 cans to Reno county Food bank So We are watching movies in French with English subtitles. At the moment Capt. America is playing. This class also carried through and brought food for a fat French Day. BHS has been named an AP achievement school school for the year. One of 367 in the nation. We also have standard of excellence in reading, math, and science for the year and one of the highest graduation rates on both formulas in the county( RENO) and our we are state golf champs, passed the first of off season play in fb, girls xcountry was 5th at state and tennis went to state. Band is winning every competition and will lead parade of lights at Disney land in March. Yeah we are meeting our goal to be the best. Prairie winds writing and artist camp put put a call for funding due to defunct state arts council . Three donors have given us 400. This was big thing to do and new superintendent was behind our doing this. Thanks DR. Stiffler for your support. I am proud to be part of this school.

october 30th 2011

so many mundane things to do today---pay bills, put away laundry, groceries,etc. Yet my mind is rebelling and focuses on other things. For example facebook reactions to the BHS band's placing at Warrensburg. They came in second and were only 2.9 off the mark. Most posts are positive and filled with pride. One was a sour grape whine---about who sponsered the contest etc.Perspective is all but whining solves nothing. Some people select to be negative and my mind asks why.

Cool again today and I am enjoying it. Cold snaps my body and mind into action. It must be my season. I can always dress warmer.( note to students still wearing short shorts to school and then saying it is cold!) Comfort food and wooly slippers with a good book or knitting needles on a cool evening is perfect for me to be content with life. Only having some family there would make it better.

But now to do the mundane then writing or knitting.
HMMMMMMM! Might have to flip a coin and of course time for Sundays crosswords.

thursday 10/27

A brief post just to keep it going. cooler today and western part of state had some snow. So the icy breathof winter will walk the Kansas prairie soon. Last night I was stymied as a teacher as i have ever been. For three weeks my college comp class has been doing a paper step by step in class and one student as fought it all the way. She actually cried in class, but honestly feel she needs to quit focusing on herself and start doing what is asked as it is asked and she would be done. I have gone over stuff with her, emailed her , and repeated material after class. I actually brought her the BHS freshman mla guide last night which is broken down to simple simple terms. I honestly do not know what more i can do. No one had better say to me teaching is easy. The French classes at the high school are doing great. this is the best year yet in my mind. Those youngsters help me keep and active positive outlook on life. Sure they are naive but they are willing and for the most part respectful and honest. Love every minute in the classroom at BHS. Hope to post a longer blog tomorrow.

So it is Tuesday and I am watching French skits for oral language. One actually had three scenes a plot. Nice to see the creativity and the use of language. Tonight is Spanish for the college. I am driving to McPherson instead of Newton and may stay there for several weeks as the bigger class is there. Same thing for my 3 site creative writing but actually enjoy the visiting the class there more. As to next semester.-- Not sure I will be teaching. Some heavy thinking going on there. Money is not the question. I love the student teacher interaction but do not love the winter snow and ice on late night drives home. Book club last night was interesting. CALEB'S CROSSING was preempted by another book as the Brooks' book did not appeal to many of the members. Next meeting we will select books for the future. I would like to see some lighter reads with less morals and more personality. SARAH' S KEY was last night's book and though touted by many our group felt it was somewhat not finished or wrapped up too quickly to be good. None of us felt real rapport with the central figure and all agreed that when that happens the book while readable fails. Only real discussion was the ending which we questioned as to whether or not a relationship happened. The book does not define an answer but as one member said who really cares. the fact that we didn't care proves the character had not become real as we read and therefore the book is not successful for the readers.

early Sunday

Not much going on at 6:20 when I got up; and not much now at 7:10. dogs walked and I should be getting ready for Mass at 8 but here sit. Think I will be attending via the tele. Not much get up and go at the moment.
So it was really dewy out when the dogs and I went out the door but not particularly cold. Can not credit 70's are still around this late in October. But the non-icy roads etc can stick around for a month and I get
done with night classes.
Actually those late night drive homes have become times of deep thoughts and meditation. I find myself doing a lot of why do I think this way reflection and have solidified some things and amstill porcessing others. I listen to Bible studies and enjoy the insights but wonder at the remarks that judge others by thier codes, find them lacking and say so sometimes with vitriol. Did not Christ say judge not lest you be judged. I have come to the conclusion that when they do so they lose their credibility with me.
EnoughI am looking forward to book club and discussing Sarah's Key. I t is an interesting read but our last books have all lacked a sense of hope. Jeanne and I have discussed thisand wonder if thisis a new movement of literature. Sort of a softer naturalism?
Well the crosswords callme from this.

lazy day

On Saturdays I usually sleep in but today the phone awoke me at my usual time. thought I would go back to sleep or nap but neither has happened.Guess my body goes on automatic once I am up. However it seems to make a seasonal adjustment in the fall because as it darkens earlier so does my need to retire. Others have mentioned this fact also so maybe it is a genetic thing that goes back to cave days when night was fearful not that it isn't a bit so in some areas yet today.

Listening to James McArthur's discussion of the Lord's Prayer on the radio made me think about that prayer, He holds that while it can be used as a prayer, it is a model of how to pray. It is
interesting to consider it as such. It adds to the importance of the prayer rather than detracts as one thinks it would.Nice to have been challenged to ponder it and it has helped me focus on my faith

Fall brings new beginnings. I have planted mums and plan on a few more soon along the fence. bulbs to plant lie dormant waiting to be buried so they can give color to my life in the spring.Faith once again that they will be reborn and bloom and that I will be here to see them.Faith in HIS love for the world and all of us once again comes into play.

Fence needs to be reworked and looks like it will be done this fall. I am in hopes that it will be done before cold weather comes.