It is October"s first Friday and it is a fall day. In my area of the country it could still be the 90s or snowing in blizzard fashion. Today how is cool and silver in color. No golden light from the sun to dispel the Puritan simplicity of the weather. I am one of the few who love this cool, cloudy atmosphere. In fact I actually prefer the temperatures that are below 80 but above 30. Rarely does a coat adorn my body until it is below the 30 mark and then often I don the protection only if it is blowing. Sorry sun lovers this is me and I am sticking to it.
Elizabeth Lowell I believe wrote a poem celebrating the silvery landscape of her native New England and how it mirrored her Puritan soul. While the words do not stay in my mind the spirit of the poem does. She is saying I believe that life should be simple and very balanced --- neither a blaze of brilliant color blazing through all life has to offer or deep ebony and jet denying any pleasure. Silver is a balance of the two extremes and that is the way i choose to live. Yes, there are crimson and orange moment s of emotional highs at times and there are times noir is the only word that fits but for the most part life is in a balanced state between the two extremes.
Balance allows me to have time to savor the joys of life and to adapt to its sorrows. It gives the emotional stability to change what needs to be changed and to treasure what remains. It gives me time to create and to enjoy what others create. Ir is harmony which is a good ting in both music and life. So silver is my color choice for everyday life that allows be rise to the brightness of joy and comforts me in the darkness of sorrow.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Odd thoughts are scampering around the interior of my mind Want an example? Two nights ago I woke up wondering if you died suddenly would you know it was death? Think about it one minute you are breathing and the next you are not. So is there a nano second you realize what is happening? if you are ill for weeks or longer you know death is coming; maybe the exact moment but as the onset is taking longer might it actually be more of a "life" event? Will you hover over the remains thinking that was me; now what. Morbid morning thoughts that occupied my thoughts for awhile.
Second oddment of day is why do I hate grocery shopping? Is it the money spent? NO! I think it is the actual act of going to the store and pushing the cart. I actually try to avoid it , and whenI do go, no Walmart huge store trek for me. I even avoid the larger Dillons( spelled Krogers) in my home town by shopping at its smaller store. In order to cut down on trips during school months when free (writing) time is rare and snatched, I order 12 meals a month from two local ladies ,The Sunflower Supper club. Two times a month they deliver six frozen meals to which I can add a salad or not. Today I went to bountiful baskets for the first times. I got carrots, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, honey dew. granny smith apples, peaches, plums. lemons, pomegrantes,and bananas for a minimal fee. 7AM pickup is tough at they close at 7:30. Everything not picked up plus extras goes to a local fire house for free. The quality was good and while you do not have a choice, it means the produce department is a miss. It is a twice a month event.
Third thought is why do things happen. One of my dearest pals has been diagnosed in the early stages of the"A" disease. She is beautiful, intelligent, and ten years younger than I am. A good mind and a elfin spirit is being slowly erased. Such sadness when I dwell even for a moment on it. Yet, I must admit ( despite my bad typing) I am glad that it is not me. Compassion and guilt for my relief are mingled today as she moves away from her teaching family to be closer to her mother and sisters.
So my mind is swirling with odd unrelated thoughts. I will leave it here and ponder the possibilities
Second oddment of day is why do I hate grocery shopping? Is it the money spent? NO! I think it is the actual act of going to the store and pushing the cart. I actually try to avoid it , and whenI do go, no Walmart huge store trek for me. I even avoid the larger Dillons( spelled Krogers) in my home town by shopping at its smaller store. In order to cut down on trips during school months when free (writing) time is rare and snatched, I order 12 meals a month from two local ladies ,The Sunflower Supper club. Two times a month they deliver six frozen meals to which I can add a salad or not. Today I went to bountiful baskets for the first times. I got carrots, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, honey dew. granny smith apples, peaches, plums. lemons, pomegrantes,and bananas for a minimal fee. 7AM pickup is tough at they close at 7:30. Everything not picked up plus extras goes to a local fire house for free. The quality was good and while you do not have a choice, it means the produce department is a miss. It is a twice a month event.
Third thought is why do things happen. One of my dearest pals has been diagnosed in the early stages of the"A" disease. She is beautiful, intelligent, and ten years younger than I am. A good mind and a elfin spirit is being slowly erased. Such sadness when I dwell even for a moment on it. Yet, I must admit ( despite my bad typing) I am glad that it is not me. Compassion and guilt for my relief are mingled today as she moves away from her teaching family to be closer to her mother and sisters.
So my mind is swirling with odd unrelated thoughts. I will leave it here and ponder the possibilities
Thursday, September 18, 2014
contained chaos
Picture day at the school always means that for one day students are in flux during class to get id photos done. This means teachers have to teach parts of lessons twice but there are always some students who miss all or a major part of the lesson. Today however the intercom is not working so we send the entire class at one time--all juniors in one hour. Less coming and going but empty classrooms for that hour in some areas. So lesson plans are pushed back, altered and chaotic but normal will return tomorrow.
Chaos has been this week---- not busy but not organized either. Meds were a two trip process because clerk did not look deep enough in the "D" basket. Tuesday was peer edit in the college class and one student said I do not have it done. She was astonished when I said it will be done when you leave class tonight. High school students in night class need to learn college is college and excuses are not taken unless perhaps you have died and resurrected.Forgot an appointment last night while I held Scholars"bowl practice so that has been pushed off until tonight which makes the plans for tonight run later, and the rest of the week does not look much better. Life is interesting.
So I have not touched the memoir since Sunday and that was short on the amount i usually try to write. Herb Lore seems to be in limbo but ideas are percolating through the morass of my mental state. Both will gain pages and words in the next three days.Saturday will be a writing day from noon on the morning is busy. Sunday I lector at mass and am a sponsor for a student at National Honor Society induction( honored that the student asked me to do it)so writing will be hit and miss but it will get done.
Evenings this week have been spent with the Roosevelts. What a fascinating family. I read the book Franklin and Eleanor, and this series on PBS is adding to my knowledge. It is a major time drain but worth it. So this has added to the chaos as that is my writing life and the need for order is building. I will get this done.
Chaos has been this week---- not busy but not organized either. Meds were a two trip process because clerk did not look deep enough in the "D" basket. Tuesday was peer edit in the college class and one student said I do not have it done. She was astonished when I said it will be done when you leave class tonight. High school students in night class need to learn college is college and excuses are not taken unless perhaps you have died and resurrected.Forgot an appointment last night while I held Scholars"bowl practice so that has been pushed off until tonight which makes the plans for tonight run later, and the rest of the week does not look much better. Life is interesting.
So I have not touched the memoir since Sunday and that was short on the amount i usually try to write. Herb Lore seems to be in limbo but ideas are percolating through the morass of my mental state. Both will gain pages and words in the next three days.Saturday will be a writing day from noon on the morning is busy. Sunday I lector at mass and am a sponsor for a student at National Honor Society induction( honored that the student asked me to do it)so writing will be hit and miss but it will get done.
Evenings this week have been spent with the Roosevelts. What a fascinating family. I read the book Franklin and Eleanor, and this series on PBS is adding to my knowledge. It is a major time drain but worth it. So this has added to the chaos as that is my writing life and the need for order is building. I will get this done.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
2 weeks later
So it has been tow weeks. Chalk it up to the return of a scheduled format for my life. Yes, folks school has begun. We began teachers meetings on the 22nd ,and I am readjusting to having a set routine. I function well with a set format but after our long summer ( it began in late April) it is a bit of a shock. Perhaps that is why I am tired at 8 and asleep by ten, awake at 4 and not really able to go back to sleep. Change is good right?
Change has come also in the fact I now teach 10-3:30 rather than 8-2. I find myself still ready to leave the house by six. That will have to change ,and it will. I will probably be there around 9:30 most days. Yet I am beginning to realize it may take a few weeks to get it straight.
Life is full of changes. Jobs come and go. People drift in and out. You move house or town. Habits change because of health or economic decisions. Some People find change difficult, they fight it and resolve it only after much heartache and strife. I am not one of those. My childhood made sure of that. Dad's jobs moved us--Ohio to Nebraska-to Missouri and back to Nebraska. We lived in four Nebraska towns and I added another with marriage. Since then I have moved on my own to South Dakota and Kansas( two towns in that state.) My career has been teaching for the main part but I have been a pizza server,a reporter for three papers , a stay at home mom which I loved and even an Avon lady. I have taught English and AP English, Spanish, French.Speech,and debate. Change could well be my middle name.
Flexibility is a helpful trait and it will coming in the future. The changes may not be my choice when they come. I am at the age when things will end--- work, driving, independent living. Not happy thoughts but my prayer is that I can accept them as they come and not rail against them as my Mother did. My father was ill the last years of his life and this hot tempered man became a gentle soul who accepted life and lived it as it came. Two models to follow and it is my hope I choose the latter. I loved both parents but never do I want to stress my girls the way Mom stressed her family.
Now today is a change. Living near the state fairgrounds this week has been tough since I moved here. Concerts blare for ten days , and parking is nonexistent and even my drive has been used. Cattle rigs run my quiet street as it is a path to the animal entrance. I never attend the fair as crowds are a big bugbear for me. This year there is change. First the city extended the no park zone so no one can park n front of my house and then I am going to be at the fair from 1-5 today.It is a sign of my dedication to removing our president governor from office that I and a friend are manning a booth in support of his opponent. Change can be good and perhaps create good.
Change has come also in the fact I now teach 10-3:30 rather than 8-2. I find myself still ready to leave the house by six. That will have to change ,and it will. I will probably be there around 9:30 most days. Yet I am beginning to realize it may take a few weeks to get it straight.
Life is full of changes. Jobs come and go. People drift in and out. You move house or town. Habits change because of health or economic decisions. Some People find change difficult, they fight it and resolve it only after much heartache and strife. I am not one of those. My childhood made sure of that. Dad's jobs moved us--Ohio to Nebraska-to Missouri and back to Nebraska. We lived in four Nebraska towns and I added another with marriage. Since then I have moved on my own to South Dakota and Kansas( two towns in that state.) My career has been teaching for the main part but I have been a pizza server,a reporter for three papers , a stay at home mom which I loved and even an Avon lady. I have taught English and AP English, Spanish, French.Speech,and debate. Change could well be my middle name.
Flexibility is a helpful trait and it will coming in the future. The changes may not be my choice when they come. I am at the age when things will end--- work, driving, independent living. Not happy thoughts but my prayer is that I can accept them as they come and not rail against them as my Mother did. My father was ill the last years of his life and this hot tempered man became a gentle soul who accepted life and lived it as it came. Two models to follow and it is my hope I choose the latter. I loved both parents but never do I want to stress my girls the way Mom stressed her family.
Now today is a change. Living near the state fairgrounds this week has been tough since I moved here. Concerts blare for ten days , and parking is nonexistent and even my drive has been used. Cattle rigs run my quiet street as it is a path to the animal entrance. I never attend the fair as crowds are a big bugbear for me. This year there is change. First the city extended the no park zone so no one can park n front of my house and then I am going to be at the fair from 1-5 today.It is a sign of my dedication to removing our president governor from office that I and a friend are manning a booth in support of his opponent. Change can be good and perhaps create good.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
ok it is Saturday and hot
I am in exile. The heat is keeping me inside. I just do not function well when it much over 85 so triple digit temperatures can actually destroy my mental attitude. So I was up and out early this AM. BreaKfast at Brewed Awakening was a belgian waffle and then off to the big Dillons. I do not go there often--- too many temptations. Home before 9:30 and now I only venture out to help Boba potty. Zoe and Winston go out the door, and come back quickly to plop by the nearest a/c vent. Believe me I understand.
Thursday and Friday were pre-school meetings and so will next week. The keynoter on bullying made us think and may be rethink some of our precepts. Enjoyed him immensely. I think this will be a good year and next year Buhler High will be 100 years old. Nowhere near as old as Eton and Harrow but old for our much younger Country.
This is short. I will try for a longer one but today is other writing, bill paying etc.
Thursday and Friday were pre-school meetings and so will next week. The keynoter on bullying made us think and may be rethink some of our precepts. Enjoyed him immensely. I think this will be a good year and next year Buhler High will be 100 years old. Nowhere near as old as Eton and Harrow but old for our much younger Country.
This is short. I will try for a longer one but today is other writing, bill paying etc.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
two days until
Two days or rather what is left of today and all of tomorrow then it is back to a daily set routine. I will be teaching from 10 AM to 3:30 plus one night class this semester. In October I will pick up another night class until December. I am ready to go back. Yes, age wise retirement should be my goal but the classroom makes me alive. So back I go until the kids no longer relate to me;so far that luckily has not happened.
Also a daily routine gives me a focus. that means I am less likely to stay up all night to read a book which I did last night.Summer is a relaxed "me"time but to be truthful I am to push myself to accomplish anything.During the school year the routine gives me boundaries and I use my free time better. maybe this is true for others?
Friday is memoir session 2. Never sure how many people will be there but it is a fun night for me. It is my firm belief that we all have a story to tell and a memoir is a way to tell it. While some may say life or my life is ordinary,
but in truth no one not even identical twins will see things exactly the same. Telling your story leaves a legacy for your family and perhaps for more people than that. Watching people write their story , helping them do it , and seeing the result excites my mentor soul.
Speaking of memoir I am in the throes of writing mine. No extreme dysfunction such as drugs, alcohol or abuse exists so it is more a collection of the funny and sad events that were relived around the supportable when the family gathered. It amazes me how one memory spurs another and a pattern emerges. Also questions arise and only some of them can be answered. So I am seeing my life, my relatives, and my friends in a new light and realizing while my life is not dramatic it is and has been incredibly rich. When done I will see that each of my girls gets a copy and even perhaps each of their children so they will see what makes me up. Still a caution if you try this route, remember we see things through our own filters and that influences how the story is told. Make sure your potential readers understand that.
Enough for now. I have set a daily goal for my memoir and/or fiction work and I must get to it. Later readers.
Also a daily routine gives me a focus. that means I am less likely to stay up all night to read a book which I did last night.Summer is a relaxed "me"time but to be truthful I am to push myself to accomplish anything.During the school year the routine gives me boundaries and I use my free time better. maybe this is true for others?
Friday is memoir session 2. Never sure how many people will be there but it is a fun night for me. It is my firm belief that we all have a story to tell and a memoir is a way to tell it. While some may say life or my life is ordinary,
but in truth no one not even identical twins will see things exactly the same. Telling your story leaves a legacy for your family and perhaps for more people than that. Watching people write their story , helping them do it , and seeing the result excites my mentor soul.
Speaking of memoir I am in the throes of writing mine. No extreme dysfunction such as drugs, alcohol or abuse exists so it is more a collection of the funny and sad events that were relived around the supportable when the family gathered. It amazes me how one memory spurs another and a pattern emerges. Also questions arise and only some of them can be answered. So I am seeing my life, my relatives, and my friends in a new light and realizing while my life is not dramatic it is and has been incredibly rich. When done I will see that each of my girls gets a copy and even perhaps each of their children so they will see what makes me up. Still a caution if you try this route, remember we see things through our own filters and that influences how the story is told. Make sure your potential readers understand that.
Enough for now. I have set a daily goal for my memoir and/or fiction work and I must get to it. Later readers.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
karma
Amazing as it may seem small things can hurt deeply and often those things are done with no real intent. Aye as the Scots say I know that sometimes they are done with the intent to hurt, but I prefer to think that most times they are not. Still I am growing scab tissue at the moment over a small event that robbed me of a bit of joy last night. Being a survivor, it will not hurt long but after so many little ones , I tend to grow cold toward to those who deal the blows. Now I forgive them because it heals me me even they are unaware of being forgiven.. Carrying the anger inside me only hurts me and though I am not bitter,I will not put myself in that position again.
However, it really rankles me when a friend is hurt and the hurt was intentional. How can people be so snarky and especially when it serves no purpose and is patently untrue. It reveals more about the doer than the one it was done to. What is worse in this case is that the I would never had guessed the person who did it could be so small and so openly mean besides the fact the statement was a bold faced lie.
There is something dark in all of us. Something dwells within our deepest soul that wants to lash out with petty pointed barbs aimed at hurting someone else. Admit it there have been times when the sharp retort or the sly innuendo has been just ready to jump out of your mouth;it is true of me also. It is part of the human genome but something stops us. It stops us if we want to live with ourselves-- if we do not want to rue the act and its results. Animals attack and it is the ability to control the lurking meanness in our system that raises us above the snap and snarl. We can reason and estimate the results of our actions. Choosing not to do something so petty makes our lives better.
The Lakota have the medicine wheel which says that what you put out into the world comes back to you in some way. The Hindus I think call it karma. So essentially if you do good, good will come to you and often more than you put out there. So far I have found this to be true, and so to be petty, be snarky, and to hurt by intent or carelessness is daring fate to really lift your buns in the air with a navy kick and some serious pain. No, thank you. I try my damnest to not do the ""little thing"". I do not care to have it come back at me. It is not easy as sarcasm is my talent , and I have to work at it. It helps to remember if you have to bring someone down to feel better or bigger yourself the action says more about you than it does about your victim. And on that note enough said.
However, it really rankles me when a friend is hurt and the hurt was intentional. How can people be so snarky and especially when it serves no purpose and is patently untrue. It reveals more about the doer than the one it was done to. What is worse in this case is that the I would never had guessed the person who did it could be so small and so openly mean besides the fact the statement was a bold faced lie.
There is something dark in all of us. Something dwells within our deepest soul that wants to lash out with petty pointed barbs aimed at hurting someone else. Admit it there have been times when the sharp retort or the sly innuendo has been just ready to jump out of your mouth;it is true of me also. It is part of the human genome but something stops us. It stops us if we want to live with ourselves-- if we do not want to rue the act and its results. Animals attack and it is the ability to control the lurking meanness in our system that raises us above the snap and snarl. We can reason and estimate the results of our actions. Choosing not to do something so petty makes our lives better.
The Lakota have the medicine wheel which says that what you put out into the world comes back to you in some way. The Hindus I think call it karma. So essentially if you do good, good will come to you and often more than you put out there. So far I have found this to be true, and so to be petty, be snarky, and to hurt by intent or carelessness is daring fate to really lift your buns in the air with a navy kick and some serious pain. No, thank you. I try my damnest to not do the ""little thing"". I do not care to have it come back at me. It is not easy as sarcasm is my talent , and I have to work at it. It helps to remember if you have to bring someone down to feel better or bigger yourself the action says more about you than it does about your victim. And on that note enough said.
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