Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Fifth hour is my plan hour so I dutifully showed up though as it is the last day of the year and I am not planning much. Graded notebooks and wondering where one is that has not yet appeared. Hopefully it will come in before next Monday or I will have to give a "0" and there goes a decent grade to the graveyard of I would or should have.

Windbreak House here I come. Linda Hasselstrom has accepted me and June 13-16th I will be doing extreme writing. Table tales will really get down to brass tacks while I am there. I am excited to say the least. Quiet, books, writing and excellent mentorship what a blessing in my life!

Speaking of blessings, I had one today. My tire light came on as I was driving to to work about 6:30 AM, and the last time it did that my tire was flat. FLAT!!!. Pulled to the verge to check the tires, nothing seemed low. A quick phone call to pal said it might just be low pressure so I drove on up the road. At school another check no flat so must be low pressure. Thus I added a quick stop at the tire shop here if it is still in business to fill up on gas and get the tires checked. So if he is not open, i may need faith to get to Hutch. For some reason the WW ll song "Coming In On A Wing And A Prayer" is on my mental horizon.

More later today or tomorrow. Have to actually work in this hour.

Monday, April 28, 2014

last and storms

Last day of regular classes and hopefully an uneventful one after Friday's excitement which was handled so well by the staff and the students who came. Big back pats to you all.

Tomorrow is block schedule and all my classes meet on that day, So that is my last day with students and I can begin ordering my room for the summer. Teachers are here until the ninth of May, but not here in our building.We have to remove our selves to other buildings due to construction. Therefore I will get done what has to be done or rather can be done and go on.

Going on is so much of what life is. One gets busy, gets done what one can, and moves on. With adulthood comes the acceptance that sometimes one can not be the super person who wins out against all odds. Sometimes the odds defeat us and what then?

What then indeed? If one is without faith how does one survive? I know personally when the odds get high or the road block to my goal is too big to win over, i just leave it to him.Worry is a human thing and I worry but only about the things I can handle. If it is too big for me to wrestle to the ground and win, then I give it to Him. I may not like his answer but when all is said and done He is right.

Nature makes my faith grow. Each spring the new green reminds me that life goes on and will even when I can no longer be part of it. My marriage to the farmer taught me that. No farmer can truly be an atheist because they are partners with nature in all her blessings and her bad moods. I did not realize this fully until my marriage and even when the marriage ended, I remain grateful for this lesson.

Last night nature took at least 18 lives in two states south of us during a stormy rampage of twisters. Living in tornado alley , such storms are too frequent for comfort but they do not all come down and destroy. Perhaps because of this I do not fear them as I should.I can not control them but I can live with them.

Life can be full of twisters--love , marriage, birth. death.these are the major twisters of our lives and we all face them.Controlling them is another matter-- especially death.We just live with them, gather ourselves together and get on with it. It is not easy and without faith to bolster our strength how difficult it must be to do this task of living.

Friday, April 25, 2014

re post as my thoughts nce agin go there

A MEDITATION ON AS

A is such a little word---just two letters. Yet it is such a powerful word it is often the fulcrum of a thought, which changes some seemingly simple phrase in to powerful thought that allows us to ponder consequences and visualize the world around us.


Comparisons of two things often use the word as. For example we say, “Tom is as tall as….” And Tom’s height is immediately something we can visualize. It can be ironic comparisons such as “Ellen is as funny as a cell block at Folsom prison,” or it can add meaning to a sentence when used as in the phrase “ It will be done as he desires.” Just two little letters, one little word but such power.

Lately the word as in one particular statement has been dominating my thoughts. Are you ready for it? Here it is “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Wow ,does the word as ever pack a punch in that line.

As we forgive sure lays the action right on us. Forgive us as we forgive. Oops, does that mean we will be forgiven in the same manner as we forgive someone who has hurt us. That is a scary thought because forgiving is not something most of us find easy to do.

Sure we can let the “little things” go easily. Somebody slams us verbally and we can shrug it off but have we really forgiven it or just ignored it. We can forget and forgive those who see us do something stupid and laugh because we know they too will do something not quite smart someday. These little forgivings are painless and leave no scars.

Forgiving the big things that is the tough stuff of the phrase “ as we forgive” the betrayal by a friend or spouse lingers long after the actual act. They scar our souls and our hearts. Such big things seem to be unforgivable and revenge is so tempting. Yet if we want true forgiveness for our own mistakes big or small, forgiving those betrayals is almost a commandment because of the little two-letter word as.

Think about it. If that as means our forgiveness is to be given in the same manner we forgive others, most of us have to begin to practice real forgiveness and most of us will in truth have to really work at it. As is the pivot upon which the concept of forgiveness takes on a ne meaning that puts a task out there for us to fulfill.

So I find myself looking within to find how I practice forgiveness. Do I allow little bits of lingering bitterness weaken my forgiveness? Do I limit my own forgiveness because I cannot truly forgive?

As one little word, two little letters but oh such power.

Mary Devries

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Habits

Having just read about a night walk and badgers in FEELS LIKE FAR by Linda Hasselstrom, I an struck by two things. After twenty five years of marriage to a farmer, my natural owl nature has morphed into a lark and I now rise early. Second she found and I suppose she still does finds peace in the quiet of nature during her night walks. In this I am like her.

Dawn is my best time. Well to be truthful I often rise before dawn. IN those still quiet hours I can read , write , knit and think. Somehow my day falls into place during these silent hours alone except for the dogs who usually have returned to their beds. As I sip coffee I can contemplate the tasks to be done, the hopes and goals of my life and then I dress and enter the real world. Six A.M. me finds on the way to school if I am not already there, and once again in the time before students arrive I can complete planning, grading and all those teacherly tasks.

Nature is with me in the last hoots of the owl, the song and chatters of the sparrows and wren, the honks of the geese during their semi annual migrations over my house. I started a scarf knitting the color of the sky each morning.It is still unfinished as it got too cold to go outside to watch the sky while I knit two rows, but the habit of being aware of the sky and the plays of grey, blacks and even steel blue mornings has become a habit. So I sky watch a few minutes daily and let the moment calm and renew my spirit.

One of my friends pairs the sunrise each day to thank God for her recovery from not one but several brain tumors.Nature too has touched her and filled her days with glorious blues , pinks, purples and oranges of sunrise. These sunrises of hers have allowed me to gift special people with a special moment on a memorable day in their life.

During hiatuses from the classroom, I love to be out in a quiet place away from traffic, phones. televisions while I write or read. the constant noises of daily living are left behind and my mind can work through ideas, fashion words into pictures or simply just be present in the moment.

However heat sends me scurrying to a cooler place. heat has never been my friend and now it is even more something I have little toleration for due to medications. By noon most summer days I am in for the day so I can function. Fall and spring are my outdoor seasons. I envy those who can tolerate the heat.

Still I who used to vacuum at midnight before I married, I am not unhappy with my lark habits. They serve me well. I am never late and I still stay up to eleven or later during the months of of along daylight. The shorter winter days often find me snuggled in bed with a good book somewhat earlier, but that I end almost all of my days.

Linda and the badger has inspired this long ramble and made me think of my own habits and what they give me. Such self awareness is not a bad thing.

clutter 2 in one day!!

Clutter- defines the last weeks of school. Cluttered desks full of graded or to be graded papers sit there waiting. Cluttered files of project plans to be assessed stand in the corner. Cluttered ideas on how to survive these last few days while maintaining classroom order fill my thoughts.

But there are other forms of clutter to add to these. Clutter in my house is mounting. I will deal with it when school is out. A clutter of memories dance behind my eyes at night asking when will you write us; much like the clutter of my yarn stash saying when will you knit us?

Yet, all this clutter reminds me that in the twilight of my life, I am still working, still creating , still involved. So clutter while it may not be not be neat,pretty or useful, reminds me I am still alive and kicking.( at the clutter!)

the jump

Standing on the precipice of a commitment, I have just stepped over and fell into a goal. Spurred by the Story Circle Conference and a backlog of family tales, which that conference resurrected, the writing of a memoir is now a defined and committed goal. In fact the introduction is written and on tale about pigs is in a rough draft. If you were in The session led by Starfire at conference, the relevance of that choice will be apparent; if not, it does not really matter.
The goal of rounding up family tales from my parents, my childhood, and the rest of my life is truly daunting. Can these stories be made readable for those who have not lived them. After all as I am not a mover or a shaker, there probably is not great wisdom or moral to come from the tales. I guess the facets of a life lived as well as possible will have to be entertaining and well crafted to gain readership. Wait a minute, what did I just say? The thought of that reality is a bit scary.
Still I have a working outline, and rough drafts of an intro and one selection roughed in. Baby steps , I can do this if I do it in baby steps. The stories are there, I can write them , but organization editing etc will take concentration. Do I have that? Better yet, can I develop it.
Too late, the jump was made and I am on my way.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Panic mode

Last full week for students is in progress. Funny be it December, May or April due to construction the behavior seeps in. There are the what can I do to catch up and pass groups, the help me to maintain the grade that I have( no more assignments please is the translation of that title.) , and the I am done why aren't you group?( translation can we just watch movies to the end?). Over eight school days ago I gave French 1 and 2 a notebook assignment instead of a final. Purpose to review the year, and the second is to create a notebook they can use next year if they go on. Long story short it is due next Monday and some have only three pages done. It is to be 8 sections with 5 pages minimum per section and I do not allow cut and paste material for the majority of the pages. Also since we do not have 1to 1 computers here, I wan t it in 2oth century style notebook format so they can use it whenever. This has disturbed some who want to go purely digital and/or do it in power point which is unnecessary. Oh Well. Monday will bring revelations I am sure.

College classes end the first week of May but research work is due or will be due soon. They are also in panic mode. I marvel how year end panic exists at either level though the college level is sterner stuff. Most of my classes are full of "non-trad"s as I teach at night. Often they are just returning to college after a span of years and they are spooked from day one. About the time I get them settled and working , research pops up ,and here they go into tail spins again. However most survive.

Lately I have been getting many Afghan vets. Some are really focused and do well; others not so much. In some wars they could be called shell shocked though now we have a fancier term.These are the ones I have to work with more as they seem unsure of themselves and the world we live in. so Sad to see such a result of young people who did what they believe to be right.

Still i enjoy the the classroom even in panic mode and it is often the time when a student can learn valuable lessons--time management, and what happens when you make poor choices. Growing up is not ever easy ; and If I as a teacher can help them learn these lessons with gentleness but firmness about what needs to be done, I fell I have done my job,

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Swine and I have had a long and interesting relationship. I am fascinated by their rooting and grunting, and they are determined to embarrass me . I have observed my porcine neighbors from near and far, and they even more successfully have achieved their goal of making my life shall we say interesting.
My earliest encounter with pigs that ended badly for me was at the early age of five. Aunt Mary had long wanted to join the DAR and having had both the German- American rebels and the Hessians in our back ground all that remained was an interview. This was to take place one summer day at my aunt’s farm home and the preparations were extensive. The day arrived, the yard was perfect, the table under the big oak tree was laden with home made treats and heirloom china. My mother, aunt mary and my Grandmother were duly coiffed and garbed and so were my cousin Patty and I. We were dressed in the peter pan collared tied in back sashed gingham dresses of the era. Our feet sported new patent mary janes and ruffled bobbie sox. Our Hair was braided and bowed. We and everything else was perfect.
All of us went outside to await the DAR ,but being restless we asked for permission to take walk. Though leary about our ability to stay pristine, our mothers said we could go for awhile but told in no uncertain terms not to get our new dresses and shoes dirty. We solemnly and with good intent promised. Off we went.
We were fine until we hit the sow pen. Suzy the Poland china sow was a real pet who loved to have he back scratched and she and her pen companion Myrtle a Hampshire red, even allowed us to ride them. Temptation was high but so was our fear of getting our dressed dirty. Patty solved that problem. We could strip , hang the dresses on the lower branches of an old apple tree. The dresses would stay clean anwe could play “sowgirl” with abandon. So of course we did.
Not ten minutes later Aunt Mary called us to the house. We dismounted, washed our hands and only our hands under the pen’s faucet, donned our dresses, sox , shoes, tied each other’s sashes and walked the lane to the yard. Grandma sitting on the iron glider saw us first. She did not signal by so much as a gasp at the sight of us, but even today I would bet money her eyes filled with laughter. MY mother and Aunt Mary had an altogether different reactions to two muddy girls in almost clean dresses coming as called.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Home to the dog house.

Home couldn't come fast enough yesterday. Crowded airports and full planes are not my choice of place. Still I was not entirely home all night as I was alone in the house. NO dogs to walk, no doggie noises and so no sense of being home. Only someone who has fallen in love with a four footed pal ( and yes cats count) can know how they fill your life with grunts , groans, woofs, shed hair and most of all uncensored love. So now i have my three here and two are near my feet as I write and I am finally home.

It is the Holy week and not an early one this year but I woke to snow this morning and forty degree weather. It was 90 yesterday they tell me until the rain and wind moved in. Tomorrow it will be in the 6o's when I return to my out of house teaching jobs. The variety is not boring but sure am ready for some consistency. Students respond to weather changes with changes in behavior as any seasoned teacher can tell you, so classroom management is a struggle in this teeter totter of winter and spring we are having. But this year we are are done with the students April 30th due to construction, but have workdays until may 10th.

Have to close this one now as papers are waiting to graded.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

GETTING READY

Ok you, reader, know that Monday was a frustration high day. Tuesday was a bit better and finally decided to run the hybrid class my way. I will hit the topics listed and have the students do it but they are having submission trouble and some links are not there. so tonight we will clear the air and get it more student friendly. I thought all the glitches were gone but there are still some. Rolling with it is the only way to go one, and students do not need feel defeated when they are trying.

Yet honestly there are pluses. first, I am in the south side of the high school so I do not have to pack up my entire room for the construction that is going on this summer. Second is the fact that my students are reading French stories and doing it better and with more ease than I expected them to do. But the big one will be this weekend.

I am going to Austin to the Story circle Network's memories form the heart conference. Linda Hasselstrom will the key note speaker and hopefully we will fins a moment or two to renew a friendship begun in South Dakota. her readings of my early scribbles convinced me I could write. She was not easy on me; honest as dirt she made me see how I could improve. Also I volunteered to work somewhere for two hours and I got the book table on Saturday am. Susan Witting Albert is chairman of this and maybe i will be luck enough to work when she is there. I do so dote on her China Bayles books but have read her others including the 12 Robin Paige mysteries.It would be great to get to work with her. Then members of my internet writing circle will be there and hopefully we will meet for the first time so I will know who they are when I read their posts. So many expectations but if half come true the weekend will be a success.

Laundry is getting done but I have no ideas what to pack. Tomorrow I will have to decide and pack them. which books to take or do I take the kindle? Camera or not? the iphone ought to do right? Decisions and I have to take dogs to West Fifth which is a dog spa for the trip. Lots to get down before I fly out.

Another plus of live good books. Three weeks with lady X by Eloisa James is a real hit with me. easy reading, entertaining , it is a joy to read. Also Stuart MacBride and Elly Griffiths books are on my list. McBride can treat grim topics but his McRare, Steele and Insch triangle of egos is a delight, and Elly Griffiths is just plain good. Try them. I am waiting for new tomes from Butcher, Stabenow and Craig Johnson. Before I quit the book thing, Nora Robert's new Irish series is another treat. I really feel she at her prime in her trilogies and those set in Ireland are among her best.

Enough. Have to get ready to go teach a class for HCC but need gas and cash first. So bye for now.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

frustrations will you listen

First frustration banks and regulation. I have a rather large amount in savings. A 7;30 AM, I called to transfer less than a 1000 to another account. It is 3:34 and the money is not there. Why Regulations they had to have a bank officer approve it and the officers were in a pre audit meeting. Then I am told if it does not reach the other end by 2 they do not want to deal with it. Realize it is a wireless transfer and there is a 10% charge on each end. Western Union wiring of money takes minutes and charges less. Usually go this way but bank was a choice due to need to have it there before 1 and until one.

Second frustration with myself. I lost it with a student day and returned her raised voice angry tone in kind. Always feel that I have failed when that happens. OMG I hate it.
But after saying 3x we were not going to power point this assignment and I wanted it in a non-digital notebook form I lost it and felt miserable the rest of the day even though the rest of the class walked out wondering what happened? One even said they never had seen me mad and they had tried to get me there. Shake my head and begin again tomorrow and try for another record three years without such a failure.

Third frustration an immature student who thinks smiling and plain on sympathy will excuse not doing working. I forgot, I left it at home, etc are constants of his vocabulary of poor reasons. Given time in class it is my task to constantly tell him to work and not start inane non-target conversations, and he leaves jackets, lunch bags and other matter in the room. Not sure how he copes at home but he hopes to get a job this summer. Maybe that will help him mature. I hope so because despite his actions I like him.

Can you tell the school year is ending and nerves are fraying on both sides of the desk. The early april 30th last day has intensified it ,but it is also one reason we will all survive.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

random meanders

Austin ,Tx this weekend. I have been planning for this for nearly a year. It will be a chance to see Linda Hasselstrom whom I know from my South Dakota years and get to know new epals from the w-e6 writing circle and Doc Cherry. Also I will be a volunteer at the book table with Susan Wittig Albert. A peon to be sure but being able to work with someone whose works I admire will be a treat. I sent a box of gently used books to Peggy Moody for the gift bags, and am taking a chance on sharing a room with a fellow member I have yet to meet. A dream weekend but it will be hurried as I fly out Friday and return on Sunday. I will learn and enjoy. New experiences are such eyeopeners and enrich our lives. They keep the mind young though the body ages.
When I come back, the Prairie winds book needs to be put together and printed ,so the students can have them before shcool is out. This is not an easy task but it is so fulfilling. The kids love being "published", and I love the permanent record of each year's retreat. This is an event I hope to continue when I retire with the help of Jason Khols.
Retire?
That is an interesting concept. I may not be at Buhler, but I still will work at HCC as log as they will help me. I am thinking of setting up a private tutor service or finding part time work as I feel more alive when I have a routine of some sort. Still it may be that the writing will emerge and there is always knitting. Time will tell. I know I am not a napper as my dogs Winston and Zoe are, I am more of a Boba model but hope I am not as yappy.
If I do not write before Austin, the stories will flow when I get back. Until next time.

Friday, April 4, 2014

exercise allusions and should i keep going?

Maren pulled off the road and checked her map and her mileage . Yes, she had gone seven miles from Nurse’s Landing but the map did not show the fork in the road. Here she was with night approaching wondering which of the two roads was the one she needed to go to Proctor Point. Robert Frost sprung to mind but this road less traveled looked all but impassable so she chose the less overgrown route and drove on. Thankfully not a mile down the broken tarmac ,she spotted a an arrow shaped sign barely clinging to its oak tree perch pointing her direction which said Proctor Point. Mentally she gave Frost and his less traveled the one finger salute and went down the road.
Thirty minutes later the road ended in a curve that became a winding driveway bordered by tall trees on either side whose branches seemed to scratch the skies and reach for the emerging moon. Maren peered down the road at the house that was coming into view. Multi storied with gabled windows and two ell shaped wings it dominated the landscape. She pulled her battered Volkswagon bug to a stop in front of the door and surveyed the house’s nearly paintless exterior . Despite herself , she shivered as she thought,” Good lord, I have inherited the Bates Motel”