finishing yesterday

Ok I know I said I would be back but it didn't happen. Not sorry about the lapse as I spent it ingood company doing something creative. Four women, old seaters, batting,foam wreaths and geegaws. The results are on my FB page and my door.So with outside lights up I am done decorating for the season. For may the tree is the season but for me it is in thelittle things, cards, hellos, coffee time ---these are the things that make the season bloom.

One more sleeve to put a 2 row band on and I will wear my sweater vest tomorrow. Black and orange cap is nearly done, and so next on the list is the sleeve to the bohaus so I can join it and move on to its fair isle pattern.That will be a challenge but I hope to have it done by 2012 or very early in the new year. The cap has some self designed fair isle so I could play with the pattern and the method. Enjoyed but the bohaus will still get to me as it has three colors of yarn. I also plan to cast on the gansey so I can knit the " fancy damn sweater" as heather often called it. I will remember her with every stitch on the piece.

Writing happened this vacation too and Herb Lore is beginning to take shape. Oddly eough I am having a change of heart about Odd bit of fluff( working title) may bring the man out of time to our century rather than sending her back into the past. Plan on doing something withthat today and tomorrow. College classes wind up by the 8th of December so I will have time to work on these pieces.

So tomorrow it is back to the real world and work I love even with its frustrations. Back to time schedules, lesson plans, grading and the hope that some of the students will value the class. The routine gives my life structure; the hope gives me a purpose in life. Teachers not all of the classroom type touched my life and maybe just maybe I have and can do that for the year or two left to me on the high school level.

So I have been blog lazy. No good reason Just not much to say,or just plain lazy.Have been working on knitting. One more sleeve band and the lace insert vest is done.Have to look for a new challenge pattern, traditional gansey here I come. Only two ufo's( unfinished objects) on the needles. Bohaus cardigan is another one is on the block to finish next and to break the tension I am working on my kimono sweater in remix.

Actually put pages onto Herb Lore and the plot is about to become more complex. The evil is about to enter the text but at the moment it is a bit amorphus in the brain. When it gels a bit, I wll be able to get it into the story.

to be continued.......

day before T day

Well I made it through the Tuesday before Thanksgiving once again and found it easier.For those reading I lost my Mom 1992 the Tuesday before Tday. For the first few years it was really tough as Mom And I had been close.She was the central figure of my life and Dad was the other half. Still as Dad was a travelling salesman , Mom I faced frozen pipes, unwanted lambs, hectic shopping and a myraid other minor troubles together. Faced a few big ones too, Dad's death, my divorce to mention two. She talked to me everyday, fed me on weekends, cooked for me when I taught in Nebraska, babysat the kids, joked with me and reprimanded when I needed it. Sometimes I will see something she would enjoy, and I actually find myself reaching for the phone.

Thanksgiving is my holiday alone. Girls are too far for the few days we have off and often travel weather is not good. I miss family at this time but am content with way things are. Essentially it does not bother me to be alone, and I bet many only children would say that. We learn early to entertain ourselves. Being alone does not equate lonliness. Though I admit when they call it is as Martha S. says it is a good thing.

Christmas is different. We usually manage to get the Neb-Kan contingent together. The vacation time is longer so weather can be coped with. This year I may have done it in as I am scheduled to spend New Year's in Belize. Just could not turn down a free trip to a new place.

I cannot count how many times I think of family in a day.Sara is the ultimate mommy and her house is open and loving. The Other girls run thier houses as family and friends havens too but they have less family. Dana has done well in her career and he truck driver husband makes life intereting trying to remember just where he is. She like my Mom has to face things when he is on the road. beckyand family are more urban than the rest of us and she is busy with jopb ,family and school. I am proud of them all and of thier offspring. I am interested in their comings and goings but try not to meddle. they have their lives to live andcan include me inwhat they wish to share. They are strong,independent women,and I like to think I had sommething to do with that.

So when I am gone, I hope that they will also reach for the phone or Facebook to share something they think I will enjoy. That is the best type of memorial.

Finally the term papers for the college are done. On the whole a better set than most as there were no failures if they were handed in. Honestly I do not think I even blessed one with a d. Maybe I should regrade them.LOL.

Dogs are sleeping and Eric is gatherring the leaves up. A load of whites just finished in the machine and I should be grading or making a list for the grocery run. NO big meal to prepare for this holiday, no rush to travel aywhere. I may just be in fleece pants and tshirts all vacation. Not really, I plan on Mass and a class at Yarn--- making a wreath out of an old sweater. The challenge there is deciding which sweater to recycle. Could go to Good Will I guess.

Today is a day of to do's. Review days for French,car service, grading, knitting maybe. Coffee with an ex- student to help her edit a paper. Nice to know she values my input and I value her friendship. Car just called and it needs alignment. I thought it might so I am thankful I can get it done today. Well actually the car didn't call; the dealer did. Another crossed off the list.

The weather is dim today or sunless.Not really gray and rainy but not bright and definitely not sunny. Some may say the weather is nasty but I am, as I said before, rather fond of it. In some other life I must have lived on the Atlantic shoreline because the Puritan soul in me comes alive in such conditions. My spirit sings and things get done.

Christmas light are up and I shall be tracing the prophecies of and fulfillment of His birth once again. It is never old and new insight comes each year due to the lessons living has taught me during the year. Enuff said for today.

a quickie

The 25 till christmas films are on.Pretty sappy but a wonderful tradition and good family viewing. One of my students was counting down until they came on. It is nice that some one can get excited about family entertainment.,

Just got reminded that my only aunt from either side who is still alive will be 97 in February. However she no longer is the sharp knife in the drawer and hardly knows her own child. While a long life is a gift, when you cease being a true part of it I wonder. Still it is not ours to choose. Mom lived until she was eighty and passed away the Tuesday before Thanksgiving in 1992. She was pretty alert and fiesty until the end though I had begun to detect some changes. At any rate the anniversary is near and each year I recall how much love she gave me and hope she knows that I returned that love.

Time flies by with jet speed now. As a child it took forever for the holiday season to come. Now it seems I turn around and find I am thinking of gifts and travel and all the rest of the folderal that goes with the season. The enjoyment of the season has changed since my girls are grown and the grands are all 12 or older. Less baking etc as I live in the middle of the tribe and not close to any, and that is good since I have to say no to most of it anyway.It has become a time to relax reflect, and to recharge physically and spiritually.

saturday before t day

Two day week next week and I seem to be in vacation mode already. This not a good thing for classroom productivity, but from another view starting new material before a 5 day break in a subject is not productive either. My classes are all at that point---especially French 1 and 2. So I will spend this weekend pulling up review exercises for material covered. Do not plan to have homework over the vacation either as it is either not done or not done well. My vacation plans are simple.Stay in Hutch no long drives which saves gas,money and nerves. I will knit, read, hibernate and readjust my moods and body. Some people are aghast when I say this but my family is too far away or too busy with in- laws. Actually the time alone after teaching 5 days a week and three nights is welcome. No dealing with whiners or silly questions.It is not a selfish thing in my mind,but as an only child of older parents noise and fuss and such were never much of a factor in my life. I love my work and love my family even more but battery recharge time is necessary. Now this not mean pals can not drop in , call or have coffee dates. It is just that being alone does not mean I feel abandoned or lonely and I even at times welcome the quiet of myself and the pups. Speaking of soul( battery) recharge I often wonder about the people who are in a social whirl that leaves them little time to just sit. Just sit and reflect--- no video games, no television, no distractions form the outside as they read a book or become quietly aware of their surroundings. These times allow one to know oneself, to assess one's progress in life, to readjust or just to be. I need these moments. I wonder if others do to. When I re-oin life, I am ready to so whole heartly. Laundry today and perhaps a stop at Yarn to purl some stitiches on an unfinished project(hereafter known as an UFO) and coffe with a pal if the occasion comes up.Yet of none of these happen, I am content. Like St.Paul who learned to live in any circumstances content because of his faith in Christ, I am stiving to be content with life as it is not as I hope it is or will be.

THURSDAY random thoughts

So I am a bit dis-organized today as I broke my routine yesterday Funny thing is I do not think I am a creature of habit until I do this and my world implodes. By second hour I will be back on track but getting there will be a small adventure. On Facebook last night one of my students thought humans should go into hibernation for the winter as bears and other animals do. I am with her except for the extra weight required to make it work. I probably would over do and actually gain weight as I slept. Still the suggestion brought up an idea that runs through my mind every year at this time. Did we when were in the cave state actually semi hibernate during the dark days of winter? It seems that as the days grow shorter I retire to bed earlier. So is it something many of us do and is it related to days when warmth and safety was found in the cave after dark so less hours equaled more time in the dark. Somewhat related to that is my love affair with polar fleece. A t-shirt and a pair of these pj bottoms on cold nights with hot cider or coffee in a cup is nearly heaven. A favorite or new good read completes the nirvana on earth. It does not take 300 purses and 1500 heels to make me happy. Cool in summer, warm in the cold,food,and books are all i need. Polar Fleece is the icing on the cake--warmth and no weight. To be truthful contentment is something that comes from inside not from things. If you are not happy with yourself everything is tainted with the unrest in your emotions. Not being bitter is a tough action to manage but if you do life is so much happier. Let go and let God.

It has been a couple of days and I am itching to write. Not that I have any profound thoughts but I want to make this a habit.Ergo this may be short but it will be and that is the important thing. Talking with students today about attitude and study habits. Some of my brightest students have no sense of time usage. Until now they could read and produce in no time at all but a language is different; one has to study. I guess it resonates with me because I never had to study until I began a formal study of Spanish and got beyond algebra 1. These classes taught how to manage time, what to study, when and how to ask the questions to get the answers to help me. Languages once I began to recognize patterns became easier. Higher math was and still is a puzzle to me; but struggling through math taught me to work until I got it and somehow it led me to believe that a and b will always be c. Life is a series of choices and those we make ,make us what we are. Action a + choice b usually ends up with result C. Yet Life like math has variables. Making bad a choices may stop when a person sees the light, another person explains the pattern and its result, or something major happens to make you change. Maturity comes from realizing which of our choices is good or bad and that often our choices affect others who care for us. Maturity is also making choices that are less fun in the present because in the long run it is the better choice. Going to work when you rather sleep in helps you keep a job. Studying the material and not just skimming so you can pass the test and the class.Some facts of life are just that facts that one must do to have the better choices in the future. In my college classes there are many students who start a class only to fail it due to absences or lack of assignments being done. Maturity is also not whining. The English call it whinging.I love the sound of that word,as it sounds like the vocal tone of one who is doing it. The world is not all about you and your problems real or perceived. Honestly seek answers; do not make excuses and the help you need will be there. Whining, complaining, explaining why your life is not good soon becomes a boring litany that gains no sympathy. Recently had one of these in class and soon no one listened or tried to help her because instead of listening her constant I can't do this or I am so ill due to this class caused everyone to become deaf to her statements. We are for the most part what our choices have made us. Thankfully most of mine have been good, and I am content with my identity and my life.

Sunday A death in the family

As predicted the dogs had me up at five to go outside like humans they are creatures of habit. So making mass was no biggie and really attendance does my entire week good. There is something about joining others in faith that helps the rough spots of a week smooth out before they even come up. It will be a rough week for my ex's family as they lost one of the twelve early this morning. Jack had a massive heart attack and never really regained awareness after they brought him back. Surgery gave him a minor chance but he had a d andr order so he is gone. The doctors felt he was brain dead at any rate so it is for the best. This is the second of the twelve to go as Wayne went earlier and Ray the beloved in -law is also gone. NOthing signals the passing of time as a death in the family circle even in a circle that you no longer belong to. Jack was the different one of the DeVries. He never married and after leaving the Navy he lived at home until his mother's death. He found her as if asleep in her bed from a massive heart attack. Then he spent years in Omaha with little family contact until he returned to Araphoe. He was gentle and I can recall the things he did for my girls. As an only child my aunts,uncles, and cousins were part of my extended family. Cousins are still here but only one Aunt remains.Mary is in her 90s and up until a few years ago lived on the family farm. Now age has taken a tool on her memories but she still walks the chambers of mine as do my parents and all the others who blessed my childhood and early adult years. Because of them, Ohio and Pennsylvania are still home ground to me. They helped form the person I am. Others grace the walkways of my memories also. Miss Thompson of Minden High School who never gave up proving to me I could do math( needed her inCollege trig), Sister DePores and Father Kazmereck whose personlities and piety impressed me, David Dwyer for his raucous intelligent mind and others who when recalled make me realize that I was blessed to know them. At times I wonder how will I be and who will remember me,but I do not worry much about it as I have no control over others' memories. I am happy to think I have loved and been loved. That is all anyone can ask. Jack, you are remembered and it is with gentle love.

radom thought ona saturday morn

Saturday and yes I am up--- the chihuahuas do not read days of the week. Did take them out at 5 and then went back to bed until they had a seven am potty howl. At times like these I envy cat owners until I remember the litter box. Life is full of such ironies. Still the day is started and load one is just finishing in the washer. Buhler lost its bid for state last night.Hutch News wrote an overview of the season that makes it seem inevitable because of the teams we played during the regular season which,even I who does not care for football much, feels a bit like gloating as the Salthawks won. Next year BHS faces a new line up of teams. So that may a true test of our grit and get us some better press. That being said I wonder about a state or perhaps a country that cuts funding to those in need and the arts but sees nothing wrong with billions in salaries, stadioums etc for sports.Is it a parallell to the gladiators of ancient Rome? Atany rate it is a blessing to live in a country where such extremes can be discussed openly without fear. Some will not listen and close there ears to opposing views but I have learned by listening even though hearing it has rankled my own beliefs at the time. Admittedly this tolerance was something I had to work for in my life, as I tend to be a bit determined( bull headed?) Well the mundane chores of a weekend are calling me from the computer. Maybe I will return to this blog but Herb Lore awaits.

11/11/201//

Short periods today due to musical, big game on the road to state tonight, lunch with Amber, all things to be thankful for but two big ones are JEANS at work and more importantly our freedom and American lifestyle hard won by the Veterans and those still serving in all our wars. These next two months for me are full of wonderful memories and recollections of loses. Thanksgiving was when I realized my marriage was over and two years later my mother passed away the Tuesday before T-day. Yet, I can remember being with family as the girls grew up and I grew up.The laughter, the food , the quiet afternoons and the supper of leftovers bounce around the sadder thoughts and remove them. It was and is still my favorite holiday because it is so family centered and less money centered than others in the year. So as it approaches my thoughts are always one step away from tears but two steps into love and contentment. It is a good balance, December is also a mixed bag of recollections. All of my grand parents except Flossie passed away sometime in the month. I was too young to really register the passing of my grandfathers but I was in college when Janie passed. She was a barely 5 ft package of iron will with a wicked sense of humor and deep faith.I can remember her in a bed at a care center with a collapsed spine saying I will come home. The doctors kept saying no, but she did walk again. How ? She said "The power of prayer" and as I grow nearer her age i have give that statement more and more credit. But like November, December has its happy memories. The times the girls were young around the tree laughing and jumping with joy are happy memories. the visits at Christmas from family or going to be with them are also joyful. I remember flying to Boosier and the hostess wearing a Santa hat, passing out drinks, and leading us in carols. I remember the first Christmas with Andy and Becky in that town, and bantoffee pie at Sara's and kk 'and dana when they were a unit making it the best of it. Love was always a huge part of the laughter and wrapping paper and still is. Life is not easy but if there is love it is wonderful.

changes

The change in seasons makes me think of change and how we as people deal with it. Some like tadpoles try to make small changes while really never changing the major stucture of their lives. Some rush to it the way a waterfall cascades down a mountain- headlong without thought.Others fight it all the way much as salmon fight their way upstream.Still others go with the flow accepting the new path of their life like water seeking its own level.I have probably done all the forms of acceptance but find myself being water as I age. I have come to accept change as proof that I am indeed alive, and that seeking the comfortable level and letting Him carry the rest is best. Change I think is harder to accept if is not our choice or if it comes unannounced and shocks us. Though I never read it WHO ATE MY CHEESE deals with the acceptance of change. Those who read it say it is a good commentary on the effects of change, but upon observing the effects of change in my life and the lives of those I love the thing that change shakes up the most is self-image. We are forced to see ourselves in a new way and sometimes enter an entire new social world. But on the whole changes molds us into the persons we are--flaws and gems together. It not easy to become newly molded but most of us find that we come out of the kiln of change a better grade of porcelain. Divorce changed my life style and my self-image. Various job changes made me aware of skills that would have been unknown otherwise. My children grew and motherhood changed. I morphed into being a grandmother. While I am still actively working, I can see that ending in the next two or three years. This is definitely a water change; one I am nearly ready for so I am beginning to seek what the "new"me will do.Like water I will seek my most comfortable level and re-invet my image and lifestyle once again. I know I will write, knit and read. What else will fill my hours will develop during the process of changing.

Another cool day---fall is here for several days but it is back to higher temps Thursday. Reminds me of Two tramps in Mud Time by Robert Frost. there is line about being in May and two steps back into March that strikes home with me Another line about vocation and avocation being the same making happiness really applies to my life. I have worked for three newspapers, at Powderhorn Pizza in SD, and sold Avon, but true satisfaction on the job has come from teaching whatever level. At present I am teaching French at BHS and various classes for Hutch Community College. There are many things that are different about the two levels. College teaching is more straight forward if it is not done it is not done and the resulting grade is the grade. Not true on the high school level. However the students are similar---whiners, doers, and those who excel The ones who excel only need guidance and off they go to sail the learning ocean, the doers do what they are told too maybe with some struggles but they persist and survive, the whiners always have an excuse, diddle around and do sloppy sloppy hurried work or do not do it all. In College classes there are also no shows, those who pay for class but do not attend and do not drop. Of all these attitudes whining and no shows bother me the most. I do not see how they will ever earn their way but actually some do well later in life. Always a surprise to those of us who dealt with them in the class room. There are other classes or stereotypes of course. Poor little rich kid, dopers, ropers, gangsta preppy, dumb jock, air head cheerleader are all terms heard in the hall and the staff room. Labels that are attached by the dress or actions of the person being labelled. Often in fact more often than not they do not deal with the real person beneath the label. Yet people seem to need to label those around them. I try not to label those who walk through my door but to accept them and treat them as they treat me and have found some amazing people beneath the label. I plan on suing this approach until my active teaching ends and in any new situation I may find myself. "Judge not less you be Judged is a warning from the Bible and it is my mantra. What is yours.

cloudy and cool

Fall is here. Cloudy and cool today with rain and we do need it. Many are griping about the cold but it is my element. I love the bright golds yellows and reds of the trees as they begin to go dormant. Their defiant colors proclaim that life may slow but it does not always end. Besides there is enough of the puritan in my that like Lowell the pearl grey skies and streams of the season. Often think I should be on New England"s granite like coastline with the sea hitting the shore; not even the slightest desire for the balmy one weather locations available in the USA and the world. Fall brings flannel sheets, crockpot meals, hot chocolate,knitting and good books. It used to bring snuggling kids but they have grown flown and are snuggling with their own nestlings such is the pattern of life. this a season of recollection,and reflection. It is a slower paced life than the rush of summer and a respite before fierce winter storms besiege us with their howling blinding fury. we need this time every year and those years that are the fall of our life itself. Even He had a seventh day of rest. For me fall is a productive season. I feel more alert, more interested in creating things, more alive in total. Even winter does not slow me down much though it may impede travel. I can always get warm and add more clothes but I can only remove so many in the summer. Do not want to scare the neighbors. I am at the fall of my life and in many ways I am parading my colors. Life forces are slowing but still flowing. My students keep the sap flowing. I also seem to have become a mentor of sorts for some people I value for their friendship. Maybe I am the elder sage in the tribe? If so, it is not a bad place to be.

blocked!!

Today I can not teach at BHS anyway. Students and 1 donated 200 cans to Reno county Food bank So We are watching movies in French with English subtitles. At the moment Capt. America is playing. This class also carried through and brought food for a fat French Day. BHS has been named an AP achievement school school for the year. One of 367 in the nation. We also have standard of excellence in reading, math, and science for the year and one of the highest graduation rates on both formulas in the county( RENO) and our we are state golf champs, passed the first of off season play in fb, girls xcountry was 5th at state and tennis went to state. Band is winning every competition and will lead parade of lights at Disney land in March. Yeah we are meeting our goal to be the best. Prairie winds writing and artist camp put put a call for funding due to defunct state arts council . Three donors have given us 400. This was big thing to do and new superintendent was behind our doing this. Thanks DR. Stiffler for your support. I am proud to be part of this school.